Dead Drunk Housewives And Funny Buttocks

If this is Monday, I missed yesterday’s post.  I forgot to share the searches that found my blog on the first of the month, as I usually do.  You didn’t miss much – it was slim pickings because everyone is away/following the torch/partying with the Queen.

This is the best of a bad lot:

• apple poodle pie that farts…Ohkaaaay…  
• fold armpit…If I could do that, I’d be in the circus.        
• ugly puppy…Is that even possible?    
• munches the scream…Isn’t that illegal?     

I don’t want to let you down so I am going to extend my Blog Jubilee by one day, and select some of my favourite searches over the last three years.  Enjoy!

Even Santa Is Affected By The Recession

• repo elf

Tell Me Something I Don’t Know

• christmas is comming

Tell Him Something He Doesn’t Know

• laughing turkey

Is There Any Other Kind?

• dead drunk housewives
• mean husbands
• funny buttocks
• fat ugly poo
• customer waiting for reply from bank

Beats Me

• Tent suppliers in marriages
• cartoon winter seances
  

  Random Buttocks Collection – 2 (Photo credit: Flavio (back for a while…))

Would Like To Meet

• 9 gag grandpa
• wooden leg woman
• president donkey
• Massive Legs Woman
• dog sock the gay

A Horror Story

• dead malteser

Things I’d Like To See

• julia roberts fat
• abraham lincoln kayaking
• marriage expiration date
• yoda gangster
• tickle,tickle,tickle story
• tapdancing swan

Who Says Religion And Science Don’t Mix?

• noah’s arc

A Little Worrying

• frog dissection cute
• cute nazi puppy
• legionnaires disease laughing
• website where you dissect people

The Best Kind

• cartoon funerals

Just How Smart Do You Think The Internet Is?

• freda’s address in atlantic city

Sound Advice

• no smoking unless you are on fire
• life is short smile while you still have teeth

The Award For Stupidest Complaint Of The Year Goes To…

• i gave birth and now i have to do nappies

From The Need To Get A Life Brigade

• before and after – cleaning clothing
• “what have you got against the letter s”
• how to use the work phone

Demonstrating The Value Of Knowing Where The Commas Go

• old fashioned house,wife rules

And The Award For The Most Unfortunate Use Of A Punctuation Mark Goes To…

• to his dog every man is napoleon-aldous huxley

Thank You, Lord, For Glorious Typos

• charles blackman feel beneath the table
• your as old as the woman you tough
• only as old as the woman you fee
• you’re only as old as the woman you fell
• don’t miss with me blog

This Person Obviously Has No Life. Or Is My Husband

• fun facts about aviation

Covering All The Angles

• poem on animals being educated now and then not wanting to know poems about animals on the street in a home poems about cats

Now Why Didn’t I Think Of That?

• boy used as a mop
• love many, trust few and a canoe
• gay socks
• one direction socks 

Plain Weird

• tweet your man get marriage with forty yard woman
• lets eat your mum cannibals
• leatherhousewife
• kink video chat rooms gerbil
• eat your own dog cartoons
• welding women dont shave
• magnetic chickens in love
• good looking family man with folded legs
• cows don’t eat me
• news years resolution monkey

You’d Think He’d Be Too Busy Being A Superhero To Have Time To Write About Me

• batmanlive reviews housewife

My Favourite Search Of The Month (And Possibly Of All Time)

• i dread the day that i accidentally say something to you that i only learnt by stalking you

 

Joke 466

Grandma’s Class (Photo credit: Henthorn)

Thanks to benzeknees for this one.

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GREAT TRUTHS LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.

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GREAT TRUTHS ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

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Santa Claus? (Photo credit: Luca Venturi Oslo)

 

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

 

 

 

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is…Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is…Having friends.
At age 17 success is…Having a driver’s license.
At age 35 success is…Having money.
At age 50 success is…Having money.
At age 70 success is…Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is…Having friends.
At age 80 success is…Not piddling in your pants.