Joke 466

Grandma’s Class (Photo credit: Henthorn)

Thanks to benzeknees for this one.

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GREAT TRUTHS LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you’re sad is Grandma’s lap.

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GREAT TRUTHS ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don’t hurt.
3) Families are like fudge…mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It’s like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

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Santa Claus? (Photo credit: Luca Venturi Oslo)

 

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don’t believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

 

 

 

SUCCESS:
At age 4 success is…Not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is…Having friends.
At age 17 success is…Having a driver’s license.
At age 35 success is…Having money.
At age 50 success is…Having money.
At age 70 success is…Having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is…Having friends.
At age 80 success is…Not piddling in your pants.

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