This is not a review because I haven’t read the book. After Perfecting Motherhood‘s review, I don’t intend to:
This book is garbage, absolute garbage [...] This book looks like it was written by a teenage girl who can’t write and has limited vocabulary. I have no idea how many times I read roll her eyes, smirked, muttered, mumbled, bit my lip, cocked his head, and so on, but I’m sure someone has kept a tally. The 22-year old female character is more naïve and gullible than a 12-year old. The 27-year old character is perfect: billionaire, the most beautiful man in the world, he speaks fluent French, and is working on solving world hunger. Pleeeeeaaaase. The sex scenes would have been the best part of the book if they hadn’t been so repetitive and laughable. Anastasia has orgasms by just hearing her name and have Christian look at her. Right. If you haven’t read this book but still want to, do it at your own risk. I bet any other book in that genre will be better than this one.
I have already been sucked into one badly written universe – Twilight, anyone? I love those books and movies, even though the books are badly written and Kristen Stewart has just one expression for all emotions:
Happy
Sad
Afraid
Everybody is allowed to love one stupid book and Twilight is mine; I don’t want to obsess over another.
It came as no surprise to me to learn that Fifty Shades of Grey arose from Twilight fan fiction: a case of from bad to perverse.
According to The Telegraph Online (no slouch in the badly written sentence department; see for yourselves),
Sales of the novel on the Kindle reaching [sic] one million earlier this week, and Fifty Shades of Grey has broken print sales records too.
The first book in the trilogy has sold one million print copies in 11 weeks, beating The Da Vinci Code‘s previous record of sales of one million in 36 weeks.
The book is currently the 32nd bestselling book since records began in 1998.
But wait, there’s more:
The incredible success of EL James’s erotic novel is having an effect on the classical music industry.
After selling over one million copies on the Kindle and becoming the fastest print novel to sell one million copies, 50 Shades of Grey has also caused an increase in the sales of a piece of classical music.
The piece ‘Spem in alium’, sung by the Tallis Scholars is this week at number 7 in the official UK Classical Singles Chart.
So it’s not all bad; in fact, there is even a fortunate bonus: finally, America has learned how to spell ‘grey’ correctly.
HP Sauce (Photo credit: Tom BKK)
I leave the last word to Raymond Hodgson, 31, who was charged with common assault against his partner of five years (though both still live at home with their respective parents), Emma McCormick. His solicitor told the court that Hodgson was enraged that his girlfriend was reading a book he felt was pornographic in nature, and they had an argument in person and by text, over two days:
“He went to her home at 7pm on June 26 and took with him a bottle of brown sauce.
She answered the door and the argument continued.
She went to close the door and he jammed his foot into the door, slapped her once in the face, and then squirted her with this bottle of sauce.”
[...]
He said that he did what he did to Miss McCormick to show her what saucy really meant.
*
Related articles and sources
- 50 Shades of Grey prompts classical music piece to climb the charts (telegraph.co.uk)
- Man’s brown sauce attack over Fifty Shades of Grey (thesun.co.uk)
- http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/9389109/Boyfriend-squirted-partner-with-brown-sauce-when-she-refused-to-stop-reading-Fifty-Shades-of-Grey.html
- http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/books/booknews/9364738/Germany-to-rescue-for-Fifty-Shades-of-Grey.html
- http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/film/film-news/9390187/Fifty-Shades-of-Grey-to-be-made-into-film-by-The-Social-Network-team.html
Fantastic blog! I haven’t read it either, Linda, and if ever I do it will be because everyone else stops telling me I have to! Thx for the laugh today!
No; thank you for retweeting the link.
I have to confess…I read the first Twilight book and thught “what the hell is all the fuss about?”
Then I read the second one and got hooked.
Granny blushes.
Everything about them invites you in…their voices, their faces, even their garbled syntax…
I’m not reading it. There are some quality books as yet unread. And unwritten.
Since I didn’t make it beyond the first 30 pages of Twilight (vampires and teenagers aren’t my thing) I have 50 Shades of Grey on my Kindle and will read it in time (it’s in the queque with some books ahead of it). I want to see what all the fuss is about. I know I’ll be disappointed but I need that every now and then. I can’t like every book I read.
An honest-sounding review. Thank you for posting it, Tilly – I had been tempted by all the hype, now I shall give it a miss.
I’m reading a wonderful book at the moment: A Perfectly Good Man by Patrick Gale. It is full of interesting characters, superbly written, and the time-shifting keeps the reader on his toes. I can thoroughly recommend it.
“The book is currently the 32nd bestselling book since records began in 1998.” ?!
*runs, screaming, from the planet*
I too have heard all the fuss over 50 Shades of Grey and I do not have any desire to read it. I can’t help but think that if you want erotica go to D.H Lawrence. I read him during high school English class in Junior year and that was a fine example I thought of the genre. I do appreciate your cataloging of Ms Stewart’s range of facial expressions, unfortunately she brings that to her other movies as well.
I haven’t read Fifty Shades, but I don’t plan to – that was before I read this post, which has only doubled my desire not to read it! I did get persuaded to read Twilight, but only read the first book – I wasn’t bothered enough about the characters to want to read the others.
What a weird guy that Raymond is.
I still haven’t read the book…the more reviews i read on how terrible it is, the more i am tempted to read it cos i don’t know why people were all giddy about it initially…she sure made her money and fame from all the initial hype.
I enjoy recommendations throughout everything that comes me way: food, clothes, articles, and yes even books. However, we are all different human beings and like different things. just because one person doesn’t like it doesn’t mean everybody else will not like as well.
I personally read the series very quickly. I read for entertainment and I will say that I really enjoyed the books. I read fiction novels because sometimes I don’t want to read something that’s realistic!
If you have not read the books, don’t tell everybody else to not read them either. If you do end up reading them and actually hate them that’s fine.
Thanks for your comment and your visit.
You make a reasonable point, but I think you misunderstood this post: I was making fun of the phenomena. I don’t believe in censorship or in telling people what – or what not – to read. But I do believe in making fun of things
Thanks for stopping by.
I don’t read this kind of tripe. Life is too short. When I was in 9th grade, a friend showed me a book that made it past the librarian. I read about one paragraph but when I got to the bruised breasts, I put it down. That was the end of my career reading stupid books. They can rot your brain. Give me Jane Austen any day. Dianne
I’ve heard about the book but of course, haven’t read it. It’s still kind of a GRAY area for me.
I don’t read fiction anymore, and that’s the reason why. At least with memoirs, you get the truth, more or less.
I can’t believe you don’t want to read the book after reading my review! And if you liked Twilight so much, you may really like it.
Good point about the grey spelling. There are tons of Britishisms in the book because the author is British but the story takes place in Seattle. Another thing that makes no sense for the reader…
I read the title of this post as “Fifty Shades of Grime” and I thought the post was going to be about housecleaning. Credit me if you do a post on it! Ha ha!
Hehe! Be sure I will!
I haven’t read it either but it’s the talk of this little corner of the woods as well – everyone is reading it – I am quite curious!
Love it, love it, love it! I haven’t read 50 Shades, either, and don’t plan to. I read one Twilight book. That’s all. I won’t read any others. I love vampire fiction, but no…vampires don’t sparkle! I much prefer Charlaine Harris’s books from which the “True Blood” series are taken.
No I havn’t read it, and therefore cannot judge the contents, the storyline or the grammer. To each their own, an old expression! I agree with ‘kdpriss’, who says give it a go if it has been recommended.
Relaxation comes in different ways to different folks.
Ah, but if you give it a go because it has been recommended, and then someone recommends that you don’t read it, what do you do?
I did read the first Twilight book, but found no reason to continue the series (they got together and went to prom, aww how sweet, next) With that said, I have no desire to read 50 Shades, because I want to look at people and tell them, nope I’ve never read it, and see the expressions on their faces, (I’m weird like that, lol) and all the bad press doesn’t help any either, but maybe someday I’ll give in, out of pure curiosity of what exactly goes on in Grey’s red room. Lol.
Great post Tilly.
Thanks Jodie