Joke 503

fruit salad (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My friend Michelle sent this email doing the rounds.

Famous quotes

• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
• If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
• We never really grow-up, we only learn how to act in public.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
• Evening news is where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• I thought I wanted a career. It turns out I just wanted pay checks.
• A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.
• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says, “If an emergency, notify:”, I put  “DOCTOR.”
• I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.
• A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
• Hospitality: making your guests feel like they’re at home, even when you wish they were.
• Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• Some cause happiness wherever they go, others whenever they go.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.
• When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
• You’re never too old to learn something stupid.

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