- In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.
- No one expects you to run. Anywhere.
- People call at 9 (a.m. or p.m.) and ask, ‘Did I wake you?’
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Things you buy now won’t wear out.
- You can eat supper at 4p.m.
- You can live without sex (but not your glasses).
- You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
- You sing along with elevator music.
- Your eyes won’t get much worse.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
- Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
- You won’t remember who sent you this list.
ONE IMPORTANT THING:
NEVER, NEVER, NEVER, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.