Pregnancy Questions Part I
Q: Am I more likely to get pregnant if my husband wears boxers rather than briefs?
A: Yes, but you’ll have a better chance if he doesn’t wear anything at all.
Q: Can a woman get pregnant from a toilet seat?
A: Yes, but the baby would be funny looking.
Q: What is the easiest way to figure out exactly when I got pregnant?
A: Have sex once a year.
Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.
Q: I’m two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.
Q: My brother tells me that since my husband has a big nose, and genes for big noses are dominant, my baby will have a big nose as well. Is this true?
A: The odds are greater that your brother will have a fat lip.
Q: Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear end and even my feet have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A: Yes, your bladder.
Q: What is a chastity belt?
A: A labour-saving device.
Q: What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A: For men to be the ones who get pregnant.
Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
Q: My blood type is O-positive and my husband’s is A-negative. What if my baby is born, say, type AB-positive?
A: Then the jig is up.
Q: The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why?
A: ‘Cause you’re fatter than they are.
Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she’s borderline irrational.
A: So what’s your question?
Q: Under what circumstances can sex at the end of pregnancy bring on labour?
A: When the sex is between your husband and another woman.
Q: What’s the difference between a nine-months pregnant woman and a Playboy centerfold?
A: Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.
Q: How long is the average woman in labour?
A: Whatever she says, divided by two.
Q: My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.
Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you’re pregnant.