I made the mistake last night of wearing winter pyjamas in autumn. On top of which, the Hub tells me, I flat refused – in my sleep – to share the bedspread. Rolled up in layers, it was inevitable that I would have bad dreams; I always have bad dreams when I’m too hot.
I am grumpy this morning because I haven’t had enough sleep because the bad dreams woke me up; and I’m not in the mood to write. Instead, I present you with a cobbling of two posts from September 2010.
If you want to stay out of my bad books.
I spotted this job today, from The Arts Council:
Wanted: Executive Ass.
‘Executive Ass’ as in ‘Executive Assistant’.
An ass is also a bottom.
The picture above is of Bottom in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream. Bottom (one of the earliest transformers in literature) became an ass. Bottom was a bit of an idiot.
Executives are often idiots, therefore the Arts Council ad could read:
Wanted: Idiot’s Idiot.
A synonym for executive is brass; the ad could also read:
Wanted: Brass Ass.
Some other synonyms, courtesy of thesaurus.com:
- Chief Ass
- Controlling Ass
- Head Ass
- General Ass
- President Ass
- Upstairs Ass
- Bureaucratic Ass
- Official Ass
- Presiding Ass
- Ruling Ass
- Supervising Ass
I’m just having fun, but it is entirely possible that at some point these were all genuine jobs advertised in The Guardian.
Ass may refer to:
- DonkeyAmerican English informal term for buttocks
- Arse Old English word for buttocks, from which the American English ‘ass’ is derived. Arse is nowadays used as an informal term for buttocks in British English
According to Wikipedia, a male donkey is known as a jack. All donkeys are hard-working. Hence, when Abigail Bartlet calls Jed a ‘jack ass’ in The West Wing (more than once, I might add), she is not really insulting the greatest fictional American president who never lived, but reminding him of how industrious he is.
A female is known as a jenny and her gestation period is twelve months. She’s a ninny because it’s longer than for a bunny or a nanny goat though she’s canny because expectant mummies tend to be bonny (despite often needing the dunny) and without even a whinny she will regain her figure because vegans tend to be skinny and I’m stopping now because this is no longer funny.