The following police comments were taken from actual police car videos, according to ajokeday.com.
- “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
- “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”
- “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”
- “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”
- “Warning! You want a warning? O. K., I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”
- “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
- “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and corn dogs and step in monkey poo.”
- “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”
- “No sir, we don’t have quotas any more. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
- “I’m glad to hear that chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”
- “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”
While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11’3″. They got out and measured their rig, which was 12’4″.
“What do you think?” one asked the other.
The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. “Not a cop in sight. Let’s take a chance!”