Joke 561

From Will & Guy.

Mohandas K. Gandhi (Photo credit: Dunechaser)

Famous people can be funny…

• Gandhi was once asked what he thought of Western Civilisation. Gandhi replied, “I think that it would be a very good idea.”
• Nobody believes the official spokesman…but everybody trusts an unidentified source. - Ron Nesen
• The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible. – George Burns
• There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. – Steven Wright
• Diplomacy is the art of saying, ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock. – Will Rogers
• You know, you can’t please all the people all the time… and last night, all those people were at my show. – Mitch Hedberg
• Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake. – Napoleon Bonaparte

Sports men are particularly amusing…

• New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: “I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”
• Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.”
• “Shaquille O’Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece: “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs that we went to.”
• Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: “You guys line up alphabetically by height.” And “You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.”
• Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.”
• Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.”
• Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player: “I told him, ‘Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.’
• Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: “He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.”

And our own Murray Walker, Formula 1 Commentator, is up there with the best…

• “He’s obviously gone in for a wheel change. I say obviously because I can’t see it.”
• “With half the race gone, there is half the race still to go.”
• “Do my eyes deceive me, or is Senna’s Lotus sounding rough?”
• “As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is fifth.”
• “He is shedding buckets of adrenalin in that car.”
• “…And I interrupt myself to bring you this….”
• “This is an interesting circuit because it has inclines, and not just up, but down as well.”
• “Only a few more laps to go and then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is.”
• “Tambay’s hopes, which were nil before, are absolutely zero now.” 

About these ads