It is possible I have told this joke once:
A man walks into a bar carrying jumper cables.
The bartender says, “Hey! Don’t you try to start anything in here.”
So here’s another, which I might also have told; I’m starting to lose track:
A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is done the bartender tells him he owes $9.00. “But I paid, don’t you remember?” says the customer.
“Okay,” says the bartender, “if you said you paid, you did.”
The man goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can’t keep track of whether his customers have paid.
The man he told rushes into the bar, orders a beer, and pulls the same stunt. The bartender replies, “If you say you paid, I’ll take your word for it.”
Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks. That man hurries into the bar and begins to drink highballs when, suddenly, the bartender leans over and says, “You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose.”
“Don’t bother me with your troubles,” the final patron responds. ”Just give me my change and I’ll be on my way.”