These are for an old school friend who is a statistician and sometimes reads my blog. The law of averages suggests he won’t read it today, but you never know.
The first one is from statisticsjokes.
A historian, an engineer and a statistician are duck hunting. A duck rises from the lake.
The historian fires first, and shoots 10′ over the duck.
Then the engineer shoulders the shotgun and shoots 10′ under the duck.
The statistician exclaims “Got him!”
This one is from stats.stackexchange.com.
A guy is flying in a hot air balloon and he’s lost. He lowers himself over a field and shouts to another guy on the ground, “Can you tell me where I am, and which way I’m headed?”
“Sure! You’re at 43 degrees, 12 minutes, 21.2 seconds north; 123 degrees, 8 minutes, 12.8 seconds west. You’re at 212 meters above sea level. Right now, you’re hovering, but on your way in here you were at a speed of 1.83 meters per second at 1.929 radians.”
“Thanks! By the way, are you a statistician?”
“I am! But how did you know?”
“Everything you’ve told me is completely accurate; you gave me more detail than I needed, and you told me in such a way that it’s no use to me at all!”
“Dang! By the way, are you a principal investigator?”
“I am! How’d you know that?”
“You don’t know where you are, you don’t know where you’re going. You got where you are by blowing hot air, you start asking questions after you get into trouble, and you’re in exactly the same spot you were a few minutes ago, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.”