I’m halfway through my blogging break. When I have time on my hands like this, I start thinking about myself. Always a mistake. Last time I had nothing to do, I set a few rules and general guidelines to make Tilly Bud Tilly Blooming Lovely, Inside And Out. Tilly Blooming Lovely IAO is, I am sure, well-groomed, relaxed, affable, clean, and at peace with herself. Everyone will love her.
- Tilly Bud shall forthwith cease and desist speaking of herself in the third person.
- I’ll stop the pompous balderdash as well.
- I will address the next lot of rules to ‘you’ because the use of first person negates the funny. Take it as read that ‘you’ is ‘me’.
- When you eat the last Malteser, don’t open another box for at least an hour.
- Stop eating: you cannot starve to death in a morning.
- Exercise is not the enemy. Dance, be a flibbertigibbet, chase the Hub around the house.
- Galaxy Bubbles are not an acceptable substitute for Maltesers. Nor are Galaxy bars, Galaxy Ripples or Galaxy Minstrels.
- They can, however, be enjoyed as a side dish.
- Never miss an opportunity to clean.
- The synchronicity of a dust bunny behind the couch and a vacuum cleaner in your hand should never be overlooked.
- Nothing bad will happen if you stay offline for ten minutes.
- If your hand resembles a claw, put down the mouse and step away from the pc.
- It’s okay to be nice to the Hub.
- Just because your child didn’t call doesn’t mean you are A) a bad mother or B) he doesn’t love you. It means he’s a bad son who doesn’t appreciate your stretch marks.
- Dogs are not substitute children.
- It’s okay to be nice about the Hub.
- Serendipity gave him to you; keep him sweet by throwing out the occasional compliment.
- Stupid is as stupid does: pick a side.
- Life is like a box of chocolates: you can be a soft centre and a nut.
- Forrest Gump is not the Oracle. And that’s all I have to say about that.
- Never miss an opportunity to laugh (the first point under ‘Home’ refers)
What would your rules be for a new you?
This post first appeared two years ago. Tilly Bud has since learned that the rules only work if you adhere to them.