Joke 994

12 Dec

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.

On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work.

When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

He had no trouble with discipline that term.

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From ajokeaday.com

Photo

From the archive…apologies: there were so many good ones in March of this year, I’ve gone a bit overboard today.  I cried at how many I had to leave out.

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  • 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  • Honk if you love peace and quiet.
  • Remember: half the people you know are below average.
  • There are TWO secrets to success at Poker: Rule #1: Never tell your secrets.

Photo

  • She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn’t help wondering from what direction.    Bob Hope
  • Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.    Mark Twain
  • I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.    Will Rogers

Sign in front of church

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?”

Annie replied, “Because people are sleeping.”

A Jailhouse Rock

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.  As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’

The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one knows what God looks like.’

The  girl replied, ‘They will in a minute.’

Funny Signs or Pictures 09

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.  After explaining the commandment to ‘honour thy Father and thy Mother’ she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’

One little boy answered, ‘Thou shall not kill.’

GrammarlyonFB

Q: What do you call it when you feed a stick of dynamite to a steer?

A: Abominable.  
(Say it out loud, slowly) 
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*

A robber burst into a bank, pointed his guns at the teller and said, ’Give me all your money, or you’ll be geography!’

The teller replied, ‘I think you mean ‘history’.’

The robber answered, ‘Don’t change the subject.’

Funny Signs or Pictures 07

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11 Responses to “Joke 994”

  1. slpmartin December 12, 2013 at 04:18 #

    Since I have friends who teach school…those were my favorites.

  2. Maddie Cochere December 12, 2013 at 04:29 #

    This was an awesome list of jokes today. I’m forwarding all to my mother. She’s 81 and will love them! :-)

  3. misswhiplash December 12, 2013 at 06:31 #

    Good ones, especially the on about a bomb in a bull..took a few seconds to work that out..you feeling back to normal now? Have a happy Christmas

  4. David J. Bauman December 12, 2013 at 09:18 #

    You’ve redecorated! I love it.

  5. http://vivinfrance.wordpress.com December 12, 2013 at 11:13 #

    Every one worth re-reading and re-reading. My favourite is the cartoon about judging people by their grammar!

  6. SidevieW December 12, 2013 at 11:15 #

    The teacher ones are wonderful. Kids never realise just how funny those people are till theu meet them later and out of school

  7. lanceleuven December 12, 2013 at 13:09 #

    “I cried at how many I had to leave out”

    I don’t think jokes are supposed to make you feel that way… :-)

  8. SchmidleysScribbling December 12, 2013 at 13:13 #

    You’re on a roll today, but I laughed harder at Grannymar’s story. Dianne

  9. Grannymar December 12, 2013 at 23:07 #

    I loved the plastered teacher and want to send it on to a friend.

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