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Lost And Found

12 Apr

You may remember Miss Whiplash, who used to think about things.  Also known as Patrecia, who lives in Bulgaria with her animals and husband Neville, in that order.  She used to blog regularly and then she just stopped.

At 74, she decided she had said everything she wanted to say about her life on her old blog, so she deleted it and started a charming new blog.  You can find her at God’s Creatures, where she has been harassing the Tanzanian government, in an effort to get them to treat their animals better.

Please mosey on over there.  If you like animals and you like sweet ladies, it’s a great place to find them both.

 

 

I’m Not Giving Up Blogging…

23 Mar

…but I have to scale back

For a while, at least.

In the past few months my visits to your blogs have been intermittent at best; and in the past two weeks, almost non-existent.   I struggle to find the time but I don’t want to neglect you.  Not returning your visits is bad manners and I apologise.  Interaction is a huge part of what makes blogging fun; no interaction, and it’s just me talking at you.  I have battled guilt about it; guilt always wins. That has reduced my enjoyment of blogging.    

Peter Steiner's cartoon

Peter Steiner’s cartoon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have decided to take the advice I always give to other bloggers who make these sort of Help! I’m drowning in unanswered comments! posts – if you’re not enjoying blogging, then stop.  I’m feeling a little burned out by blogging and it’s not as much fun as it used to be.

If you see me as rutilant – as I hope you do – you will naturally be devastated by my announcement, so I should make one thing clear:

I am not giving up blogging

  • I will continue to post my daily joke
  • I will post at least twice a week
  • More, if I feel like it
  • I will answer comments if I can
  • I will not visit you every day but I will try to visit more than I have been doing
  • I will understand if you decide to leave me, but don’t be surprised if I cry

If you don’t want the hassle of checking in every day in the understandable but forlorn hope that I might have deigned to talk to you today, you can always subscribe – third widget on the right then straight on for mourning.

Subscribers up = visits down but taking a hit on my hits is the least I deserve for my despicable dereliction of blogging duty.

I hope this is just a temporary situation and you’ll hang around to find out.  But I’m selfish like that.

Happy blogging!

*

*

The two previous words:

Pleonasticthe use of more words than are necessary to express an idea. Guilty as charged.  Always.

Quozsomething queer or absurd.  Again, guilty as charged.

 

Ten Six Word Saturdays

16 Mar

Or, to be honest, cheating again.

I’m sorry/rueful/penitent/mortified/grieved

that I haven’t replied to comments

since last Saturday; maybe even Friday.

I know I’ve been neglecting you.

Life gets in the way sometimes.

Particular apologies to new subscribers if

I haven’t thanked you for subscribing,

or visited your blogs.  I will.

Forgive me.  I will mundify myself.

For more Six Word Saturdays, go here.

*

Yesterday’s word was lyard: to be streaked or spotted with gray or white.  Or grey, if you’re not American.

 

Prompters, Panic & Sharpened Pencils

7 Mar

enders-game-harrison-ford-asa-butterfield

I’ve watched through his eyes, I’ve listened through his ears, and I tell you he’s the one.

I hope you don’t mind another prompt post.  I had  42 prompts sitting in my inbox, begging to be answered.

*

Take the first sentence from your favorite book and make it the first sentence of your post.

I don’t think you thought this through, dear prompter: the first line of this post bears no relation to the rest of the post; shouldn’t you have instructed me to carry on the story?  As it is, all I have is a confused reader and a line from Ender’s Game – being made into a movie at last, at last, at last! 

*

What’s the most surreal experience you’ve ever had?

Front garden of the Big Breakfast house

Front garden of the Big Breakfast house (Photo credit: Ben Sutherland)

Meeting a pretend stripper and a pretend gangster on The Big Breakfast.

*

Now that you’ve got some blogging experience under your belt, re-write your very first post.

The original post:

[I didn't know how to use the colour icon back then]

I’ve just had my teenage son sort me out with my own blog; now I have to hope
1. I can think of something interesting to write and
2. I can get some people to read it.

Mission Statement: to be amusing (mission: impossible)

Welcome, new reader;  I hope you enjoy this as much as I expect to.

Now for the official bit: you can’t reproduce anything on this site without my permission; it all belongs to me…nnnhhhaahhhaaahhaaaaa! (Wicked laughter, not a raspberry)

The re-written post:

I swear I’m funny; please like me.

* 

Tell us about a teacher who had a real impact on your life, either for the better or the worse. How is your life different today because of him or her?

Mr Lever marked down my English essay because I used the word ‘amoral’, which he said did not exist.  I looked it up in the Oxford Dictionary.  It did and does exist.  I did not have the courage to prove my point.

I now have a compulsive obsession to make fun of WordPress prompters who make grammar and punctuation errors* and if they dare misspell a word…well, let’s just say it’s not pretty.

*Should that be ‘grammatical and punctuational errors’?  I’ve lost my Cassell Guide To Common Errors In English so I can’t check.

GrammarlyonFB

GrammarlyonFB (Photo credit: tengrrl)

*

You’re locked in a room with your greatest fear. Describe what’s in the room.

An angry WordPress prompter with a grammar handbook in one hand and a well-sharpened pencil in the other.  I suspect they suffer from dacnomania, brought on by pedantic bloggers and evil dentists.

*

Honestly evaluate the way you respond to crisis situations. Are you happy with the way you react?

  •  If it’s a bomb threat, I have no problem speaking quietly to the store manager and calling for an orderly evacuation.
  • If the building is on fire when I am seven months’ pregnant, I have no problem ensuring all students have been evacuated from the classrooms before evacuating myself.
  • Ahem.  I mean, I have no problem ensuring all students have been evacuated from the classrooms before I leave the building in an orderly if somewhat clumsy fashion.
  • If the door is locked and there’s an angry prompter with a sharpened pencil, I have no problem screaming as I scratch at the window in a  futile attempt to avoid being…well, let’s just say it’s not pretty.

*

I’m pleased to see you had no trouble spotting yesterday’s word, cunctation (procrastination; delay).  I hope my use of it didn’t put you off.

 

 

 

Dinner With My Text

6 Mar
Tilly

Tilly (Photo credit: Digitalorthodoxy) Not a picture of me but isn’t she cute?

Write about what you did last weekend as though you’re a music critic reviewing a new album.

Tilly Bud has been silent for three weeks but on Sunday she finally went back to church.

How we wish she hadn’t.  She still has real pitch issues and half way through ‘Nearer My God To Thee,’ she nearly was because the congregation couldn’t take much more.  Fortunately, the inspired coughing fit from an under-used voice box that livened up the second chorus saved the day.

We waited almost a month for Tilly’s reappearance, which begs the question: why?  It’s Bye-bye! not Buy!  Buy!

*

Describe the most satisfying meal you’ve ever eaten in glorious detail. 

I don’t think I’ve eaten in that restaurant.

I would never patronise an establishment that uses only lower case letters in its name.

*

If you could un-invent something, what would it be? Discuss why, potential repercussions, or a possible alternative.

telephone

telephone (Photo credit: Sean MacEntee)

Text speak.

Why?  If you don’t know, you must be a teenager.

Potential repercussions - my boys would never talk to me again. By mouth or phone.

Possible alternative - the actual words.

I’m guilty of cunctation in answering this prompt because I suspect I’m in a minority.  I don’t believe in the purity of language – it lives and grows and changes and that’s fine; but I don’t want to witness the return of near-illiteracy.   A balance must be struck: evrtng n moderation.

*

Write an ode to someone or something you love. Bonus points for poetry!

Double bonus points for adding a tune?

Sing this to I Like Big Butts by Sir Mix-A-Lot.  Don’t look up the actual lyrics because this is a family blog.

I love real words and I cannot lie!
You other bloggers can’t deny
When a kid sends you an itty-bitty text
You wanna throw it in his face
You get rung
Wanna get real tough
Cuz you can’t tell him to get stuffed
In text speak into the jeans he’s wearing
I’m cross and I can’t stop swearing
Oh my boy I wanna throttle that
Fone you always carry
My husband tried 2 warn me
dat dat fone U got
mAk me so angry
U sA U wanna git n my hands
I won’t buy U cuz I ain’t yor avg nd usr

 *

I found a great site for those of you who would like to be able to understand the texts your children and grandchildren send to you: Transl8it!  

*

Well-spotted, those of you who identified ‘bleb’ as yesterday’s word.  

It is a small blister, rather like me on a rant.

 

 

A Woman Without A Man Is Punctuation

2 Mar

February searches which found my blog

If that’s the case, why did you 100 people look at them, then?

  • i hate snow cartoon images

Is there any other kind?

  • hilarious cow jokes
  • housewife limericks
  • poetry fun facts
  • scary receptionist
  • wet housewife
  • funny cartoons on gynaecology
  • malteser poo
  • hirsutism inspiration
  • malteser birthday poem
  • i am a housewife turkey
  • annoyed switchboard operator

So many errors; so little time…

English: Hirsutism circa 1900

English: Hirsutism circa 1900 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

  • how to declutter you threebed room hom in two days
  • yout only as old as tbe the girl you feel?

Um, and why did you end up here?

  • air freshener for farts
  • a woman without a man is punctuation
  • old lady washing dishes while drinking wine
  • famous women with hirsutism
  • my big foot
  • don’t call me tilly, bud!

That’s just not funny

  • choking accidents maltesers
  • cartoon of farting on someones finger

Could you be a little more specific?

  • cebu provincial detention and rehabilitation center (cpdrc) is a prison in cebu, in cebu province, philippines. it is a maximum security prison facility with a capacity for 1600 inmates.[1]the prison became well known for its rehabilitation program in 2005-2010 based on a program of choreographed exercise routines for the inmates. known as cpdrc dancing inmates, the recordings of the various routines of the prisoners online supervised by the head of the prison byron f. garcia rendered them an international online celebrity sensation and phenomenon

Weekly Photo Challenge: Beyond (2)

27 Feb

DSCN0927

As one cannot wear a velour track suit without looking scruffy, even when one’s velour track suit is brand new; and one cannot help but look triple-chinned when one’s Hub takes a standing photo of one whilst sitting, I think one’s caving to your demands for a photo takes one above and beyond the call of blogging duty, hence one’s use of formal language to distance oneself from – or get beyond, if you will – a very unflattering photograph.

Really, dear readers, insisting on photographs to back up photographic prompt posts is beyond the pale.  One might even call it madness.


Coughsnotty And A Poll

18 Feb
Toilet roll holder

Toilet roll holder (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You know those times when you are there but not all there?  (Don’t say that’s just me)  That’s how I’ve been this week in the blogging world.

Sorry the posts have been weak and unfunny.  I don’t know if it’s because this is a particularly nasty bug or because it takes longer to recover as we get older, but my head hasn’t been in the game.  Mostly, it’s been buried in a box of tissues (and then a toilet roll, when the tissues ran out).

I thought I was feeling better yesterday: I showered, walked the dogs and cooked a proper meal.  Then I collapsed into bed in the afternoon, too weak to watch Dancing On Ice while catching up on comments.

I’m fed up with myself and to add to my misery, a couple of commenters mentioned that Word Ads have appeared on my blog.  I haven’t signed up to them so I must investigate.  That’s where the poll comes in:

I tried signing out of my blog to look for myself, but I can’t see any adverts.  If you answered ‘Yes’, would you mind leaving a comment saying where they appear?

I need to know so I can kick up a fuss.  As soon as I have the energy to raise my leg.

 

Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda…Can’t

16 Feb

WordPress is playing silly beggars again

I’m frustrated and I’m snotty and that’s not a good combination.  Prepare for a grumpy post.

Last week, I didn’t visit your blogs because I was unwell.

This week, I won’t visit your blogs because WordPress is unwell.  Every time I click your links, whether in my email inbox, blog roll, from your comments, or even my own previews, I get a 502 or 504 message: basically, we’re not letting you in in WordPress-speak.  It took many hours yesterday to comment on about twenty blogs.  

Woes of a Literal Marketer: Link Bait

Woes of a Literal Marketer: Link Bait (Photo credit: HubSpot)

I’m getting 400-600 spam comments in my spam box every day and my stats have gone down quite dramatically (for those of you who remember the chart, that’s Brit-speak for ‘way more than I like and if it carries on I’m giving the whole thing up for good’, not Rest-of-the-world-speak for ‘dropped a little dramatically but not more than I can handle’).

I wonder if the spam thing is related to the stats thing, because they happened around the same time; or is it just coincidence?

If you’re not getting comments from me on many of your posts, it’s WordPress’s

Peter Steiner's cartoon

Peter Steiner’s cartoon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

fault.  I’m sorry, I can’t do anything about it.

One of last week’s prompts was: Tell us about something you know you should do . . . but don’t.  It was entitled, Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda.

I shoulda stopped blogging before I thumped my laptop and I woulda stopped blogging if I coulda, because my perfect blood pressure caused by my even temper is about to be a thing of the past, but I can’t because they sucked me in with their ridiculous prompts and their world-wide network of people who say nice things in the comments section.  They’ve sucked me in so deep I may never get out.

I’m going to kick the Hub now, because we don’t have a cat.

For less irritable Six Word Saturdays, go here.

 

Two Snowflake Panic Attack

8 Feb
Smile!

Smile! (Photo credit: GREATONE!)

The searches which find my blog were rather dull in the run-up to Christmas, but they picked up again in January.

Here are some of my favourites.

You’ve Come To The Right Place

  • saggy women
  • camel-butt-shaped-girl
  • crazy person smiling
  • images of people frustrated in front of their computers
  • screw funny
  • husband and wife arguing

Makes Sense

  • disney characters taught us the wrong things
  • annoyed switchboard operator
  • receptionists rule
  • kid got bit on butt by donkey
  • sandra bullock sex change

Say What?

  • ugliest fog

    Donkey Butt

    Donkey Butt (Photo credit: Gallery32/ Trina Baker)

  • martin man with messed up teeth
  • famous armpits
  • mona lisa spaceship
  • two snowflake panic attack
  • huge yellow anaconda for sale
  • dear parents quotes with something about a pipe
  • images of two lady while doing shopping of gold jewellery in cartoon form

I Heard What You Said But I Know What You Meant

  • midsummer night’s dream bottom makeup

Sounds Like A Good Idea

  • “belly laugh day”
  • toilet that cleans your bum
  • fly me to the moon laughing
  • cute buttocks
  • symptoms of anaemia funny

I’m Afraid To Ask

  • paintings of dead man in a coffin
  • hirsutism in hand 
  • funny gynaecology
  • hairy tube
  • disgusting toes
  • how wide can julia roberts yawn
  • harry armpit
  • longest underarm hair in the world

Weird And He Can’t Spell (You Just Know It’s A ‘He’)

  • hairy armpit fetis
  • carnoot santa

A Comment On Comments

4 Feb

My readers are so funny and interesting, they deserve a post of their own.

Blogging Heroes

Blogging Heroes (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here is a sample of comments from just one post, I Don’t Like My New Desk Any More.

You may recall that what I thought was my plaited long hair was, in fact, a spider who jumped out on me – or, more accurately, jumped out off me, from my chin to my laptop.

Here is what you had to say about that:

We’ll start with Viv, who was pragmatic:

But think of all the dirty flies it has protected you from. I’d rather see a spider any day than a picture of hair loss!

If that last bit seems bizarre, I remind you that I showed a picture of balding Roger, rather than a hairy arachnid.

Then we’ll turn to the abusive:

mad cow disease

mad cow disease (Photo credit: Garrette)

Pseu called me a ‘wimp’ (correct), Viveka called me ‘mad as a cow’ (probably correct) and Miss Whiplash called me a ‘twerp’ (definitely correct), asserting that it was

…only Mummy spider going out to find breakfast for her own little ”Spud’ and ‘Tory Boy’….I am sure that she was just as frightened as you were…

Many of you offered supportive comments along the lines of, ‘can I join you, standing on that chair?’  Ron, the lucky man, 

considered moving to the North Pole to escape the little buggers. Instead, my doctor injected me with a special serum, and my fear disappeared overnight. Cool, eh?

Definitely cool!  Unless Ron was telling me a little pork pie…?

Faydanamyjake implored me to

be brave it only has 6 legs more than you

But Wee Scoops made the very reasonable point that there is

nothing scarier than an eight foot spider

Sharechair pretended to ‘understand completely’ but disproved that by the cruellest comment of the day:

I seem to remember hearing once that where ever you are, there is a spider within 5 feet. So… may as well sit at the desk.

Al made the inevitable but still amusing point that

World-wide-web illustration

World-wide-web illustration (Photo credit: HikingArtist.com)

it’s just looking for the World Wide Web.

Slpmartin delighted me with a poem:

Now this may sound silly
But Little Miss Tilly
Sitting and Writing
With her Morning Tea
Suddenly said ‘No Way!”
For Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her
And frightened Miss Tilly away.

Julie freaked me out more than I already was by threatening

skinks…in the ceiling!

I don’t know what a skink is and I don’t want to know.  And that promised visit to Australia the minute I win the lottery is off.

Mairedubhtx suggested that

The spider is probably long gone and is now living in your kitchen.

I have to clean the kitchen first, to disturb it; so I reckon I’m safe.

Lanceleuven made my day:

Perhaps he’s just a massive Laughing Housewife fan and wanted a sneak preview of your next post! (If that is true he’s gonna be so psyched when he finds out it’s about him!)

Rorybore asserted that

I married my hubby because he kills spiders for me. true story.

I replied,

I married mine because he won’t kill spiders.

Not a true story – if I’d known that beforehand, I might have called it off

Now that I think about it, there’s no ‘might have’ about it.

Katherine Trauger is another pragmatist:

coffee break

coffee break (Photo credit: 3EyePanda)

Switch to coffee. Spiders hate coffee breath.

And so is Robin Coyle (who seems strangely eager to see me go):

Nice knowing you…Goodbye, sweet friend and her pet spider.

Aquatom wanted to know

Tilly, did you notice if the spider’s hair was plaited?

And Adinparadise suggested I

Plait its legs next time it appears, then it can’t get away

Grannymar showed me a photo of the spider who shared a bed with her (thanks for that, Grannymar.  Not).  She reminded me of this story:

On my first night visiting [my brother] in Durban, he told me about the time he woke up to find a scorpion tickling his chest. I think it got entangled in the hair.

Threewellbeings was kind enough to do some research on my behalf:

I have looked into what you could bring into your home to get rid of the spider! I’m fairly sure you won’t want the wasps or scorpions, and birds could present other problems with your long hair. I suggest a lizard and I think you already have a cat? The best answer, though, was “varying kinds of humans.” That answer seemed a little odd, but after thinking about it, if we eliminate you from the list, I think that leaves three males who should come to your rescue! I’d hate to see you separated from your new desk! 

My favourite comment of the day, however, came from BlueBee, who begged me to

Be brave, for our sake.

And so I am.  Still here, at my desk, pretending there’s no hidden spider and blogging my little heart out because I can’t wait to read your comments.

“Blogging: Never Before Have So Many People Wi...

“Blogging: Never Before Have So Many People With So Little To Say Said So Much To So Few” via despair.com (Photo credit: dullhunk)

I bet not one of you is like me, and has better comments than the posts which inspire them.  Do yourself a favour next time you visit here, and read the comments; they’re usually more amusing than the posts.  And then read the commenters’ blogs; you’ll enjoy them, I promise.

Thank you for putting me out of a job.  I can’t stop laughing about it.

Feeling Bolshy Today

30 Jan
English: A sense of humour Someone has a sense...

English: A sense of humour Someone has a sense of humour leaving this for his family to read. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Set a timer for ten minutes. Open a new post. Start the timer, and start writing. When the timer goes off, publish. 

You know what?  I don’t think I will.  What ya gonna do about it WordPress? Huh?  Huh?

As if I would ever publish anythinggasp!  I can hardly bring myself to say it, never mind do it – unedited!

*

Write down the first words that comes to mind when we say . . .

. . . home.

. . . soil.

. . . rain.

Use those words in the title of your post.

Bolshy home/feeling soil/rain today.

Okay, not really – I got the title from the first prompt.

Let’s try again:

Hometalk (Mango Groove again)/soil your pants/rain fall.

This post’s new title: Talk: Your Pants Fall*

Smiling can imply a sense of humour and a stat...

Smiling can imply a sense of humour and a state of amusement, as in this painting of Falstaff by Eduard von Grützner. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Think about the last time you broke a rule (a big one, not just ripping the tags off your pillows). Were you burned, or did things turn out for the best?

…Thinks…thinks…No, thank goodness…yes…erm, oops…I’m a good girl, I am, I’ve never done anything I could go to jail for…I think…just how big a rule are we talking here, anyway?

*

Was there a special gift or toy you wanted as a child but never received? What was it?

Not that I can recall; my parents were pretty good at steering Father Christmas in the right direction.

I did go to visit my aunty one week after Christmas.  Her three girls got multiple Estée Lauder gift sets, which rather impressed me.  I’d have liked that sort of thing.

And yet, here I am: make-upless; perfumeless; must-remember-to-shower-todaylestmymanleavesme, but my husband of twenty-seven years still loves me.

Go figure.

*

Tell us about the role that faith plays in your life — or doesn’t.

I have faith that my husband will still love me even if I don’t wear make-up or shower today.

I have faith that my readers will mostly come back even if I write a not particularly funny post.

And I have faith in God, who gave me a sense of humour.  And a husband who doesn’t believe in Him.  I guess God has a sense of humour, too.

*

Write your obituary. 

She was incredibly beautiful, intelligent, slim and kind.  What she lacked in modesty, she made up in humour.

At the funeral, people from around the world who had mortgaged their homes to be there, sobbed at this great loss to blogkind.  The eulogy was three days long.

Her alleged killers, a group of WordPress prompters, currently on trial for Conspiracy to Deprive the Blogging World of its Greatest Humorist, Assault With a Deadly Computer Programme and for Just Having No Funny Bone to Speak Of, pleaded Innocent on the Grounds of She Was Driving Us Nuts With Her Incessant Fun-Poking at Our Carefully-Worded Prompts.

English: Graffiti tag plus a sense of humour D...

English: Graffiti tag plus a sense of humour Dull tag but nice sub-text. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

*

If you had to choose between being able to write a blog (but not read others’) and being able to read others’ blogs (but not write your own), which would you pick? Why?

Well now you’re just being silly.

 

The Laughing Housewife Returns

18 Jan
I'm back!

I’m back! (Photo credit: >Saint<)

Hello everyone, I’m back!

My back is back to its pre-backache state, sort of, if I promise not to spend the whole morning, every morning, at the computer.

I had to promise.

To celebrate my return, and to thank you for staying faithful while I was away, I have a few WordPress prompt Q&As.  

Unfortunately, I might be back but the funny is still resting.  Please bear with me.

*

What’s the 11th item on your bucket list?

To look after my back so I don’t have to abandon my readers again.

*

What’s the most time you’ve ever spent apart from your favourite person? Tell us about it.

One week.  And it’s not so much person as ‘people’, if we can call bloggers ‘people’ in the truest sense of the word i.e. normal human beings.

What?  You didn’t think the mush would last longer than one question, did you? You did?  You’re obviously new here.

*

Have you ever made a New Year’s Resolution that you kept?

Yes: to never make another New Year’s Resolution.

*

Where were you when 2012 turned into 2013? Is that where you’d wanted to be?

That would be telling.  It wasn’t my idea but it sure was fun [giggle].

*

If you could read a book containing all that has happened and will ever happen in your life, would you? If you choose to read it, you must read it cover to cover. 

No; if a book is boring, I don’t finish it, so why would I bother?

*

*

Run outside. Take a picture of the first thing you see. Run inside. Take a picture of the second thing you see. Write about the connection between these two random objects, people, or scenes.

Run outside?  With my back problems?  

Think these prompts through, WordPress: if we liked running, we wouldn’t be blogging.

*

Most of us are excellent at being self-deprecating, and are not so good at the opposite. Tell us your favourite thing about yourself.

I am excellent at being self-deprecating.  I think.

*

If your government (local or national) accomplishes one thing in 2013, what would you like that to be?

Make blogging a paying job.

I’ll take it in Maltesers.

*

Vanilla, chocolate, or something else entirely?

Porridge.

How A Post Is Made

15 Jan
St. Augustine writing, revising, and re-writin...

St. Augustine writing, revising, and re-writing: Sandro Botticelli’s St. Augustine in His Cell (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

  • Write
  • Save after every paragraph
  • Squeeze in all available puns
  • And then some more
  • Save
  • Proofread  
  • Google Proofread proof read for correct usage  
  • Save
  • Justify text
  • Save
  • Change font colour to red
  • Save
  • Change font colour to black
  • Save
  • Add picture(s)
  • Save(s)
  • Add links
  • Save
  • Preview
  • Check links work
  • Check links highlighted
  • Check links open in another page
  • Save
  • Spell check
  • Save
  • Preview
  • Check
  • Check
  • Check
  • Check
  • Check again
  • Add Categories  
  • Add Tags  
  • Add witty Twitter comment to entice readers
  • Publish
  • Check

A post takes about thirty minutes to write and ninety minutes to perfect.

If I come back to a post at a later date and discover a typo or other error, I have to rest on my bed for an afternoon to recover.

This post first appeared two years ago.  

The system is rigidly adhered to.  Or else.

*

Tory Boy

Tory Boy (Photo credit: Big Richard C)

NOTE:

Tory Boy gave me a heart attack.  I was preparing this post and he was sitting on the couch behind me.

TB2: You’ve published early.

TB1: I haven’t published yet.

TB2: Yes you have – ‘How A Post Is Made’.  There’s a list.

TB1: [Terrified Small Creature impression; looks from monitor to TB2's tablet to monitor]: Oh no!  Oh no!  Oh no!  I can’t believe it!  I’m writing about writing perfect posts and I screwed up!

TB2: [Collapsed in heap of hysterical laughter]: … … … …

TB2: You haven’t published!  I read the title on your monitor!  [Rushes to toilet in wet pants] [Not really; but a mother needs her revenge]

*

This is the same child who managed to get me to thank him for locking his brother in the loft.  Putting away the Christmas decorations, Spud was up top, Tory Boy passing to him, and I was directing.  Once the last, fragile bag was carefully passed up, I headed downstairs, calling ‘Thanks’ a split-second after TB closed the loft hatch on his brother, sealing him into the crowded, dirty and freezing roof space.

I don’t think Spud minded – it looks better than his room.

 

It’s All Geek To Me

12 Jan

A message for my regular readers: Sorry to give you a new post when I promised you a week of old posts.  I wrote and scheduled this post last Saturday, before my back problem kicked in.

I’m a bit of a nerd.

I realised it last week, when I read your Six Word Saturdays.  I caught myself counting them, checking that everyone had used only six words.  

It occurred to me that I do it every time.

I’m not sure what would happen if somebody dared to use five or seven words instead of six.  

I’d probably have to expel them from the collective.

NERD.

NERD. (Photo credit: lippert61)

For more Six Word Saturdays go here.

Vastly Curious

SHOW ME THE WORLD!!

God's Creatures

the life of animals

David Gaughran

Let's Get Digital

skcentralvoice

A Community Website For Stockport Town Centre, Lancashire Hill & Heaton Norris.

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