Tag Archives: Children

A Tale Of Two Parents

25 Mar

The Hub wears a new t-shirt to the play and is ‘awesome’, ‘best dad ever’, admired by all of Spud’s friends.

I pay a teacher a compliment and I’m banned from ever speaking to anyone Spud ever knows for the rest of his life, ever.

Here’s the Hub’s shirt:

DSCN2826

Here’s my compliment to Godspell’s choreographer:

Wow!  Spud told me the dancing was really naff but I think it’s great!

I don’t understand Spud at all.

Donate Your Hair To Children With Cancer

22 Mar

DSCN2651

If you have long hair like mine was, and decide to cut it, you can send it off to a charity in the UK called Little Princess.  They make wigs for children who have lost their hair through cancer.  A quick Google search found similar charities in other countries.  Please think about doing it if you’re going short; you need a minimum of 7″/17cm and all it costs is a padded envelope and postage.

My hair was long but thin, so my plait was pretty feeble; but every little helps.

When the Hub posted it off, the clerk asked if there was anything valuable in the packet.  The Hub explained what was in it and she winked and said, Aw, that’s nice.  Are you going to do the same with your beard?

I think he should; I heard their office needs re-wiring.

IMG_3229

I Cried Yesterday

19 Mar

Click on the photos to enlarge them

Actually, I cried the day before yesterday but I wrote this post yesterday so the title was correct for yesterday’s yesterday but not for today.  Anyway, me crying at all except at the end of Love Actually is such a rare event, I felt I had to blog about it.

As you must know, because I’ve bored you to death about it for months now, Spud is playing Judas in his school production of Godspell.  The first night is tomorrow tonight.  I can’t get the songs out of my head and as I was preparing his sandwiches for tonight’s tea between tweaking-rehearsal and performance, I sang Beautiful City to myself.  I suspected I might be allowing it to take over my life when I came to the line, We can build a city of man and sang, We can build a city of ham…

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Yesterday (‘s yesterday) was the dress rehearsal.  The Hub is an excellent photographer and took some great pics of the last three school productions Spud starred in (no bias here, honest).  He gave them to Spud’s drama teacher and she loved them and asked if he would go along to yesterday’s yesterday’s dress rehearsal to take photos of this production.

The Hub has M.E. so of course he needed his loving and supportive wife along to hold the spare camera batteries.  The fact that I got a sneak preview of the show was purely coincidental.

IMG_4152small

We had front row seats and we needed them, because my heart swelled with so much pride it took up all of the space between the audience and the stage.

I know he’s my son and I’m biased and all that rubbish, but Spud was fantastic.  He began as a happy, hopeful man and changed over two hours to anger and betrayal via confusion and doubt.  

He sang, with music and without.

He cried in Jesus’ arms the moment before he left to betray him.  He sobbed on the floor after the crucifixion.  

He was totally believable.

IMG_5205smallTeachers made a point of coming up to tell me how good he was and how he should pursue acting as a career.  But better than that, the director told me that, for all of his talent, he is a lovely, lovely boy and she hopes her own son will grow up to be just like him.

Can you blame me for blubbing?

IMG_5924small

I Do Love You, Spud, Honest

11 Feb

Wednesday 15 January, 2014

Where’s my birthday post?

I’m not blogging at the moment!

You don’t love me.

Spud turned eighteen while I was on a break.  I didn’t write a happy birthday post – because I was on a break.  I did take him tea in an eighteenth birthday mug, buy him banners and balloons and not say a word about the girl in his bed on a school day; but, no, all he can see is no birthday post.

Apparently, I didn’t write him a birthday post last year when he turned seventeen.  I wrote one for his brother and his father, a hundred readers and even myself – but not one for him.  My argument, ‘But you don’t read my blog!’ didn’t cut it, because, apparently, he does.

I have been ordered to write a make-up post and not to make this make-up post all about his brother, which is what I appeared to have done in last year’s make-up post, saying how great his brother was and how he spoiled Spud on his birthday blah blah blah.

I’m a terrible mother.

But I can’t say that, because this post is all about Spud.

Spud was the biggest baby in the hospital, the week he was born – about ten pounds.  I have mentioned before that he looked like the V alien baby when he came out all blue and crinkly.  And absolutely gorgeous – which is how he’s stayed:

DSCN1860_IGP5708DSCN1770

Spud is now a man, and he has a learner’s driving licence to prove it.  He has done a lot of thinking this past year about what he wants to do with his life; but the decision was really made in the summer, the moment a sweaty Macbeth spat on him during the performance at the Globe: Spud wants to act.

This past year he has played Greek tragedy, Shakespeare and farce.  At the moment he’s rehearsing Judas in Godspell.  He doesn’t want to be rich and famous; he wants to work in theatre.  He is deadly serious: he wants to pretend to be other people for the rest of his life.  I couldn’t be prouder; or more scared.

Happy birthday, my darling boy.  Whatever you do in life, I know you’ll obsess about it until it’s right.

I love you.

Joke 998

16 Dec
Happy Pi Day

Happy Pi Day (Photo credit: Graela)

 

  • “Having a child is like getting a tattoo…on your face. You better be committed.” ~ Eat Pray Love screenplay
  • “Parenthood: That state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage.” ~ Marcelene Cox
  • “Never kiss in front of other people. It’s a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you. But if nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours.” ~ Kally, age 9
  • “How is it that I can start the day as Mary Poppins, only to end the day as Cruella Deville?” ~ Mom’s the Word: Remixed (stage play)
  • “The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.” ~ Lane Olinghouse
  • “The trouble with being a parent is that by the time you are experienced, you are unemployed.” ~ Author Unknown
  • “Parents are not interested in justice; they are interested in quiet.” ~ Bill Cosby
  • “There are three reasons for breast-feeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers; and the cat can’t get it.” ~ Irena Chalmers
  • “If your baby is beautiful and perfect, never cries or fusses, sleeps on schedule and burps on demand, an angel all the time, you’re the grandma.” ~ Theresa Bloomingdale
  • “Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell, the name will carry.” ~ Bill Cosby
  • “Love will find you, even if you are trying to hide from it. I have been trying to hide from it since I was five, but the girls keep finding me.” ~ Bobby, Age 8
  • “When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.” ~ Erma Bombeck
  • “Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.” ~ Bill Cosby
  • “If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says “keep away from children.” ~ Susan Savannah
  • “People who say they sleep like a baby usually don’t have one.” ~ Leo Burke
  • “A lot of parents pack up their troubles and send them off to summer camp.” ~ Raymond Duncan
  • “Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.” ~ Fran Lebowitz, Social Studies
  • “Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.” ~ Bill CosbyLittle Girl on a Plane – Anonymous

From parentingtouchstones.com

From the archive:

early childhood education

early childhood education (Photo credit: Graela)

A jobbing actor comes home to find his house has burned down.  His sobbing, injured wife is standing outside. “What happened, honey?” the man asks.

“Oh, John, it was terrible,” she weeps. “I was cooking, the phone rang.  It was your agent.  Because I was on the phone, I didn’t notice the stove was on fire.  It went up so quickly.  Everything is gone; we’ve lost everything!  I nearly didn’t make it out of the house.  The poor cat is—”

“Wait, wait!  Back up a minute,” the actor says. “My agent called?”

*

How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

Poker face.

Only fish should have scales

Only fish should have scales (Photo credit: Graela)

THINGS I’VE LEARNED FROM MY CHILDREN

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a large room.

5. When using the ceiling fan as a baseball bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words “Uh-oh,” it’s already too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year-old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a six-year-old.

11. “Play-Doh” and “microwave” should never be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can’t walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCRs do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise in a moving car.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

20. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

21. Cats spit up twice their body weight when dizzy.

Thanks to scot and buffy and one of the kids f...

Thanks to scot and buffy and one of the kids for inspiration (Photo credit: Graela)

 

Joke 963

11 Nov
some questions are best left unanswered

some questions are best left unanswered (Photo credit: Graela)

A woman went to the beach with her children. Her 4-year-old son ran up to her, grabbed her hand, and led her to the shore where a dead seagull lay in the sand. “Mommy, what happened to him?” the little boy asked.

“He died and went to heaven,” she replied.

The child thought for a moment and said, “And God threw him back down?”

Thanks to Grannymar for that one.

*

The rest are answers by children to questions posed on Kids Say The Darndest Things.  Via Buzzfeed.

Q: Who was George Washington’s wife?
A: Miss America.

Q: What ever happened to Adam and Eve?
A: God sent them to hell and then transferred them to Los Angeles.

Q: What do we get from the story of Jesus turning water into wine?
A: The more wine we get, the better the wedding is.

Q:When God punished Eve, what did he make her become?
A: A housewife.

Joke 930

9 Oct

 

 

A frustrated father told a friend,  “When I was young, I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper.  But in my son’s room, he has his own TV, computer, games console, cell phone and music.  I don’t know what to do.”

 

“Why don’t you do what I do?“ asked his friend.  “When my kid misbehaves, I send him to my room!”

 

Joke 919

28 Sep
Push-through cleaning station

Push-through cleaning station (Photo credit: magnusfranklin)

More jokes from Viv’s son’s son:

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I’m a lot closer to the ground than you are.
***
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ‘ I. ‘
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie…Always say, ‘I am.’
MILLIE: All right… ‘I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.’

***
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s cherry
tree, but also admitted it.  Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn’t punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
***
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don’t have to, my Mom is a good cook.
***
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ‘My Dog’ is exactly the same as
your brother’s.  Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It’s the same dog.
***
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

How much farther now papa smurf?

How much farther now papa smurf? (Photo credit: Graela)

Joke 918

27 Sep
Thats funny,   because I thought the word was ...

(Photo credit: Graela)

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
***
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
***
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
***
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ‘crocodile?’
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L’
TEACHER: No, that’s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

***
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it’s H to O.
***
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn’t
have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

*

From Vivinfrance, via her son and grandson

[victorian child care]

[victorian child care] (Photo credit: RHiNO NEAL)

Joke 916

25 Sep
Веснушки

Веснушки (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What Kids Really Think About…

…Love

  • “One of the people has freckles and so he finds somebody else who has freckles too.” Andrew, age 6
  • “No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell… That’s why perfume and deodorant are so popular.” Mae, age 9 
  • “I think you’re supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn’t supposed to be so painful.” Manual, age 8
  • “It’s like an avalanche where you have to run for your life.” John, age 9 
  • “If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I don’t want to do it. It takes too long.” Glenn, age 7 
  • “If you want to be loved by somebody who isn’t already in your family, it doesn’t hurt to be beautiful.” Anita C., age 8 
  • “It isn’t always just how you look. Look at me. I’m handsome like anything and I haven’t got anybody to marry me yet.” Brian, age 7 
  • “Beauty is skin deep. But how rich you are can last a long time.” Christine, age 9
  • “Mooshy…like puppy dogs…except puppy dogs don’t wag their tails nearly as much.” Arnold, age 10
  • “When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don’t get up for at least an hour.” Wendy, age 8 
…Lovers Going To The Movies
  • “All of a sudden, the people get movies fever so they can sit together in the dark.” Sherm, age 8
  • “They want to make sure their rings don’t fall off because they paid good money for them.” Gavin, age 8 
  • “They are just practicing for when they might have to walk down the aisle someday and do the holy matchimony thing.” John, age 9

 

From abitoffun.com

Joke 915

24 Sep
Funny kids sign

Funny kids sign (Photo credit: hugovk)

How do you know when a plane is full of teenagers?

When the engine stops, the whining goes on.

***

When a family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked the five-year-old how he liked the new place.

“It’s terrific,” he said. “I have my own room, my brother has his own room, and my sister has her own room. But poor mom is still sleeping with dad.”

***

A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. ‘Mommy can’t come to the phone to talk to you right now. She’s hitting the bottle.’

***

Two young boys started a conversation in the waiting room of a doctors’ office.

The first one asked the other, “What are you here for?”

The second replied, “I’m here to get circumcised.”

“Oh boy!” said the first, “I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn’t walk for a year and a half.”

*

From bitoffun.com

Monday Musings

16 Sep

A bits ‘n’ pieces post for you today.

Surviving

Lead and Gold character classes were designed ...

Lead and Gold character classes were designed from American frontier archetypes. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)   That’s me, second right

The Hub managed to be in my good and bad books at the same time yesterday. He told me I’d have made a great frontierswoman, getting stuck in and getting on with surviving.  The kind of woman he likes.

For someone who hates cooking, housework, needlework and any job considered ‘female’ back then, it was a rare compliment indeed.  Then he said, ‘You’d have been great; but you’d have complained a lot.’

I should have told him that, in my imaginary past life as a Woman Out West (WOW), I married the wealthy rancher and let other women do the female work, with him as the mop.

That’s what I call surviving.

Revising

I met the woman who connected me to the man who organised for me to read at Walthew House in church yesterday.

Discussing how the poetry reading had gone, she told me that on that particular Tuesday, the Deaf and Hard of Hearing Clinic was running and the queue had spilled into the hall, as it sometimes does.

So they weren’t carers being rude; they were people who couldn’t hear me and presumably didn’t know they were talking over me.

I feel better now I have revised my earlier position.  Perhaps I should send them the book.

Surmising

I ran two writing workshops on Saturday, at the church fun day.   If I add the total number of participants at the start of each workshop to the total number of those who came in late, it adds up to a total of Big Fat Zero.

I had a sign outside my gazebo:

Signwriting must be one of them thar femin-ine skills, 'cos it ain't one o' mine

Signwriting must be one of them thar femin-ine skills, ‘cos it ain’t one o’ mine

I watched as people walked towards me, began to read the sign, got as far as WRITERS/WORKSHOPS and then veered rapidly off at an angle before I could collar them.   Not one person in four hours expressed an interest in writing or workshops.

It went from exasperating to embarrassing to I couldn’t stop laughing about it.

Five children wandered in at different times; all went away happy with their free notebook and pen; three also left with poems they’d just written.  It was worth being there for that alone.  I also chattered to a lady who caught me as I was leaving (covered in shame).  She knew about Stockport Writers but had never joined us; I hope I convinced her to come along to our next meeting.

Your faith in me is flattering but, I surmise on this evidence, unjustified.  I thank you anyway.  As a reward, have the smile that Stockport’s non-writers didn’t want:   :D

Apologising

It’s been another busy week at Tilly Bud Towers so, of course, it was the blog wot give (something had to).

I promise to try and put aside tomorrow to reply to your comments and return your visits.

Sorry.  Again.  I mean it.  No, really; I do.

Surprising

There’s a lion loose in Stockport!

My friend Pam and I came across it while out on a walk with the dogs.  

Pam was brave enough to stop and take a photograph:

IMAG1612

Happy Monday!

Joke 888

28 Aug
Brave haircut

Brave haircut (Photo credit: Richard Berg)

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”

The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!” 

From ajokeaday.com

 

Joke 865

5 Aug

Kids!

  • You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
  • Grandchildren are God’s reward for not killing your own children.
  • Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.
  • Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.
  • The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.
  • We childproofed our home, but they are still getting in.

*

Thanks to my friend Michelle for this one.

Joke 856

27 Jul
Zeus loves watermelon

Zeus loves watermelon (Photo credit: pdxjasmine)

A farmer had a watermelon patch. He discovered that some of the local kids had been helping themselves to a feast. He lost fruit whenever the melons were ripe and ready.

It was impractical to keep a constant watch over the watermelons, so he came up with an ingenious scheme: he placed a sign in the patch.  It read: Warning – one of these watermelons contains cyanide.

The following day saw no fruits taken. The farmer was mighty pleased with his idea, until he noticed something written on his sign: Now you have two of them.

*

Thanks to Kaleidoscope for this one.

 

 

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