Tag Archives: Cleaning

Topic #1: Cleaning

28 May
A toilet with the potentially dangerous arrang...

A toilet with the potentially dangerous arrangement of the seat being up (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Expecting visitors, I cleaned like I meant it last week.

That’s right, you heard me: my house is clean.

It feels weird.

That’s that topic covered.

*

An idle thought

I once saw a safety advert which said that mixing cleaning chemicals in a toilet can lead to explosions.

I wondered this: if I put neat bleach in the toilet, forget it’s there, and then do a wee, will I set light to my bottom?

Weekly Photo Challenge: Everyday Life

18 Sep

Yesterday, I showed you my house, prepared for Pseu’s visit:

Below is my house on Monday morning (and every morning) before the great clean up that takes a huge chunk of my day; at least six minutes.  What a waste of blogging time.

If a cushion falls in the front room, does anyone care?

The house often asks me, If you clean me, do I not get messy all over again? And I have to answer, Yes.

I wouldn’t say we look like this every single day, because we don’t.  We only almost always look like this every single day.  The distinction is important.

Especially when I’m arguing with the Hub.

In everyday life, no one can hear you clean.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Hands

23 May

I told you about my spring cleaning project; it was inspired by dirty hands. 

The long, dark winter that masqueraded as spring had its uses – no sun to shine through my grubby windows, exposing this:

 

Ewwwwwwwwwww!

 

I looked around to see if it was a lone intruder but sadly, I discovered that we are mucky pups in this house.  Fingerprints abound; dust raises the skirting boards two inches; clutter, clutter and more clutter (or, to give them their real names, the husband and sons).  Something had to be done.  I made a list.

So far, my fair hands have tidied out the upstairs double cupboard; re-arranged and cleaned a bookcase; washed a picture, a mirror, an ugly wooden mask that reminds me of the Hub (what?  He bought it, that’s all.  Stop inserting your own jokes); scrubbed the upstairs hall’s bannisters, skirting boards, plugs, light switches, long mirror and all seven doors, frames and the top bits that I can’t reach without ladders so they get cleaned only before painting, i.e. once in fifteen years (it’s not that I’m lazy; it’s just that I can’t afford to pay anyone to do it for me).

I’ll be honest – as well as the tops of the frames, I never the wash doors, either, unless it’s (again) before painting (bitter experience of watching unwashed, newly-painted doors flake like the Hub’s dandruff) or after vomiting children.  No, I don’t vomit the children; the children vomit on my doors.  Stop writing my post for me; I don’t do cleaning but I do do this.

I realised I set a dreadful example to my children when Spud and I had the following conversation:

Spud:  What are you doing?

Me:  Washing your door.

Spud [utterly baffled]:  Why?

I have to hand it to him – he has a point.

 

The Hub

‘s ugly mask.

 

101/1001 (Week 60)

18 May

 

It’s been seven weeks since the first anniversary of this challenge.  I’ve done some things. 

Have the courage to play the drums in church.

I finally played drums in church; not with sticks, with hands.  I don’t know what the drums are called but they are fun to pound.  When the children were absent and the call came out for volunteer drummers, I sprinted over the top of the pews before I had a chance to chicken out like last time.

Two Sabar drums from Senegal. On the left a Mb...

They are similar to the ones in the above picture.  I kneeled in front of a congregation of old ladies and bashed away at those drums as if I was a toddler, and it was one of the best times I’ve ever had in church.  Can’t say the same for the old ladies because if the rhythm is gonna get me, it was taking a day off that Sunday.

Blog 1111 times (1017/1111)

No surprise to learn that I over-achieved on that one. 

Find another 64 challenges for the list. (32/64)

I have a new one*:

Do a REAL spring clean.

This may not sound like much of a task but if you’ve been around this blog for a while you know relations between me and the dust bunnies are frosty.  The house is cluttered and the bunnies breed like, well, rabbits.  I have compiled a list of tasks for each room and I intend to trail a blaze to dirt and dust over a month, starting on Monday. 

Blame the sun: it came out one afternoon last week and showed me where the dirt was.  Not pretty; and I say that as someone who doesn’t see dust.  It’s like my brain has a blind spot; I just don’t notice it.  I think it goes back to my teens, when it was my job to dust the whole house every Saturday morning – a job I hated.

 

Dust bunnies

Dust bunnies (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Do you have a housework task that you hate, because it was your job when you were young and wanted to be prowling shopping malls with your mates instead of choking à la Pigpen in Peanuts?

*I did have two new ones but, by the time I finished writing about the first, I forgot what the second was.  Perhaps my second new task should be to pin a pen and paper to my sleeve.

I still need another 32 tasks for my list.  Any suggestions?  They can’t need money to complete, because I don’t have any.  Other than that, go crazy.

I also need help with this one: Find 26 unfamiliar words, one for each letter of the alphabet; then use them in a post a day for 26 days. (Words: 22/26).  I’ve been stuck on 22 words for months now.  I need new words for the letters J, U, X and Y.  The more obscure, the better.

Expose myself to twenty new experiences (9/20)

I’ve had three new experiences in the past seven weeks.  The first came about by accident: I was a welcomer at church.  I have never done this in all my years of attending church.  Someone put me on the rota by accident and I just happened to see it so I turned up early, smiled a lot, and had fun.  Welcomers also carry around the collection plate, another thing I’ve never done.  I count them as one task, however, because I’m not a cheat, especially to myself.

The second new experience was to help deliver a writing workshop, instead of attend one.  My writing group – Stockport Writers - gets free use of a room at the art gallery every month, which means we don’t have to charge people to attend.  As a thank you, we ran a workshop last week for new writers.  We had a good turn out and, although I was nervous at first, by the end it was just like chairing one of our meetings, but with two other people.

Great fun, and it helped prepare me for another workshop I’m co-delivering (i.e. Welcome-thanks for coming-listen to Pam do all the real talking-thanks for coming-bye) next week, in aid of the church website.  Though we could probably cancel it now, with all the great ideas you’ve already given me.

The third new experience was plastering and plumbing and other DIY tasks.  I will write about it in another post when the photos have arrived.

Finally, it occurs to me that I might need to change the wording of that last task; exposing myself is not to be recommended in this weather; just ask the soon-to-be-dust dust bunnies…

*

*

Joke 250

29 Nov

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house.  His three children were outside, still in their P.J.s, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers thrown all about the front yard.  The door to his wife’s car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and a throw rug was wadded against one wall.  In the front room the TV was blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.  In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand lay piled up by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and other piles of clothes, looking for his wife.  He was worried that she might be ill, or worse.

He found her lounging in the bedroom, still in her pajamas, reading a novel.

She smiled, looked up at him and asked how his day went.  He looked at her bewildered and asked, “What happened here today?”

She smiled and answered, “You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do all day?”

“Yes,” he replied reluctantly.

She answered, “Well, today I didn’t do it.”

Joke 166

6 Sep

Some house cleaning thoughts for you:

  1. It is time to clean out the refrigerator when something closes the door from the inside.
  2. Keep the house clean enough for healthy, dirty enough for happy.
  3. Never make fried chicken in the nude.
  4. Do not engage in unarmed combat with a dust bunny big enough to choke the vacuum cleaner.
  5. If it walks out of your refrigerator, let it go…if it comes back to you, it’s yours; if it doesn’t, well, thank goodness for that.
  6. Only clean the bits you can see.
  7. You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.
  8. If guys were suppose to hang clothes up, door knobs would be bigger.
  9. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
  10. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
  11. I’m not going to vacuum until James Dyson invents one you can ride on.
  12. Take a tip from Zsa Zsa Gabor who once said, ‘I am a marvellous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.’
  13. Cobwebs artfully draped over lampshades reduce the glare from the bulb, thereby creating a romantic atmosphere. If your husband points out that the light fixtures need dusting, simply look affronted and exclaim, ‘What? And spoil the mood?’
  14. When writing your name in the dust on the table, omit the date.
  15. If your dust really is out of control, simply place a showy urn on the coffee table and insist, ‘THIS is where Grandma wanted us to scatter her ashes….’

A Breather

5 May

House washed; dogs washed; me washed.  Hub’s gone to fetch the visitors from the station.  I have ten minutes to spare and this prompt just arrived:

Pick something you don’t like, and choose to accept it.

I pick my nose.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Sorry, I’m high on cleaning fluids.

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