Cartoon by Dave Walker
An English public school was forced to raise its fees. The headmaster decided that the simplest way was to implement an across the board 7% increase per annum. Unfortunately, when the secretary typed the letter, she missed out a crucial ‘n’ in the last word of the letter, consequently, it read thus:
Due to increased building costs, I have decided reluctantly to raise the fees by 7% per anum.
About a week later, one concerned parent replied, saying:
I regret your increase in fees, but I would like to continue paying through the nose as before.
This is alleged to be the message that a School staff in the Worcester area voted unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.
It came about because they implemented a policy requiring students and Parents to be responsible for their children’s absences and missing homework.
The school and teachers are now being threatened with legal action by some parents who want their children’s failing marks changed to passing marks – even though those children were absent 15-30 times during the term and did not complete enough schoolwork to pass their various key stages.
Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right member of staff, please listen to all the options before making a selection:
- To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1
- To make excuses for why your child did not do his/her work - Press 2
- To complain about what we do - Press 3
- To swear at staff members - Press 4
- To ask why you didn’t get information that was already enclosed in your Newsletter and several letters posted to you - Press 5
- If you want us to bring up your child - Press 6
- If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7
- To complain about school lunches - Press 8
- To complain about bus transport - Press 9
- If you realize this is the real world, and your child must be accountable and responsible for their own behaviour, class work, homework and that it’s not the teachers’ fault for your child’s lack of effort: Hang up and have a really wonderful day!