Tag Archives: Fathers

A Tale Of Two Parents

25 Mar

The Hub wears a new t-shirt to the play and is ‘awesome’, ‘best dad ever’, admired by all of Spud’s friends.

I pay a teacher a compliment and I’m banned from ever speaking to anyone Spud ever knows for the rest of his life, ever.

Here’s the Hub’s shirt:

DSCN2826

Here’s my compliment to Godspell’s choreographer:

Wow!  Spud told me the dancing was really naff but I think it’s great!

I don’t understand Spud at all.

Joke 906

15 Sep
Happy

Happy (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A child asked his father, “How were people born?”

His father replied, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.”

The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys; then we evolved to become like we are now.”

The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!”

His father replied, “No; your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

*

From laughfactory.com, via Vastly Curious.

 

Joke 901

10 Sep
Dad's Cat System

Dad’s Cat System (Photo credit: Bugsy Sailor)

Fathers of 1900 didn’t have it nearly as good as fathers of today; but they did have a few advantages:

  • In 1900, if a father put a roof over his family’s head, he was a success.  Today, it takes a roof, deck, pool, and 4-car garage. And that’s just the vacation home.
  • In 1900, a father waited for the doctor to tell him when the baby arrived.  Today, a father must wear a smock, know how to breathe, and make sure film is in the video camera.
  • In 1900, fathers could count on children to join the family business.  Today, fathers pray their kids will soon come home from college long enough to teach them how to work the computer and set the VCR.  What?  VCRs are obsolete?  Since when?
  • In 1900, a father smoked a pipe.   If he tries that today, he gets sent outside after a lecture on lip cancer.
  • In 1900, fathers shook their children gently and whispered, “Wake up, it’s time for school.”  Today, kids shake their fathers violently at 4 a.m., shouting: “Wake up, it’s time for hockey practice.”
  • In 1900, a father came home from work to find his wife and children at the supper table.  Today, a father comes home to a note: “Jimmy’s at baseball, Cindy’s at gymnastics, I’m at adult-Ed, Pizza in fridge.”
  • In 1900, fathers and sons would have heart-to-heart conversations while fishing in a stream.  Today, fathers pluck the headphones off their sons’ ears and shout, “WHEN YOU HAVE A MINUTE…”
  • In 1900, a father gave a pencil box for Christmas, and the kid was all smiles.  Today, a father spends $800 at Toys ‘R’ Us, and the kid screams, “I wanted the PS4!”
  • In 1900, if a father had breakfast in bed, it was eggs and bacon and ham and potatoes.  Today, it’s Special K, soy milk, dry toast and a lecture on cholesterol.
  • In 1900, fathers said, “A man’s home is his castle.”  Today they say, “Welcome to the money pit.”
  • In 1900, “a good day at the market” meant Father brought home feed for the horses.  Today, “a good day at the market” means Dad got in early on an IPO.
  • In 1900, a happy meal was when Father shared funny stories around the table.  Today, a happy meal is what Dad buys at McDonald’s.

    Dad's underwear 2

    Dad’s underwear 2 (Photo credit: Mel B.)

  • In 1900, a father was involved if he spanked the kid now and then.  Today, a father’s involved only if he coaches Little League and organizes Boy Scouts and car pools.
  • In 1900, when fathers entered the room, children often rose to attention.  Today, kids glance up and grunt, “Dad, you’re invading my space.”
  • In 1900, fathers threatened their daughters suitors with shotguns if the girl came home late.  Today, fathers break the ice by saying, “So…how long have you had that earring?”
  • In 1900, fathers were never truly appreciated.  Today, fathers are never truly appreciated.

From ahajokes

 

Joke 849

20 Jul
Alas, poor donkey...

Alas, poor donkey… (Photo credit: Dingo X)

Father O’Malley rose from his bed one morning.  It was a fine spring day in his new parish.  He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.  He noticed there was a donkey lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.  He promptly called the local  police station.

“Good morning.  This is Sergeant Jones.  How might I help you?”

“And the best of the day te yerself.  This is Father O’Malley at St. Ann’s  Church.  There’s a donkey lying dead on me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o’yer lads to take care of the matter?”

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the Irish accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father; he replied, “Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!”

Father O’Malley replied, “Aye,’ tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.”

*

Thanks to Viv for this one!

Joke 844

15 Jul
the_dos_and_donts_with_babies_013

the_dos_and_donts_with_babies_013 (Photo credit: DrJohnBullas)

One evening Jessica found her husband Mike with his head cocked looking at their baby’s cot.  Silently she watched him.

As Mike twisted and turned looking at their infant, Jessica could see on Mike’s face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, joy, surprise, enchantment and scepticism.

Mike did not usually show his emotions and his unusual display brought tears to her eyes.  Jessica put her arm around her husband and gently asked, “A penny for your thoughts.”

“It’s amazing!” Mike replied. “I just can’t work out how Mothercare are able to make a cot like that for only £49.99.”

Joke 764

26 Apr
Children Liquidation

Children Liquidation (Photo credit: Magna Designs)

Rachel was out walking with Jackie, her four-year-old daughter.  Jackie picked something up off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.  Rachel asked her not to do that.

‘Why Mummy?’ asked Jackie.

‘Because it’s been lying outside and is dirty and probably has germs,’ said Rachel.

Jackie looked at her mother in admiration and asked, ‘Wow, Mummy, how do you know stuff like that?’

‘Oh…everyone knows this stuff.  Um, it’s in the Mummy Test. You have to know it, or they won’t let you be a Mummy.’

‘Oh…’  Jackie seemed confused.  Mother and daughter strolled along in silence for some minutes, as Jackie pondered this new information.

‘I get it,’ Jackie’s face beamed with realisation. ‘Then if you flunk the test, you have to be the Daddy.’

From Will & Guy.

Weekly Photo Challenge: Wrong

12 Aug

It is wrong for a son to make fun of his father.  

 

This has never stopped my sons.

‘Dad’ by T. Boy. Medium: Drill on MDF

Portrait of the artist as a cheeky boy.

 

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