Tag Archives: Pets

Joke 614

27 Nov

From ajokeaday.com.

What was that about cats and dogs again?

What was that about cats and dogs again? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Top Ten Differences Between Cats & Dogs:

10. Dogs come when you call them.

  • Cats take a message and get back to you when they are good and ready.

9. Dogs will let you give them a bath without taking out a contract on your life.

8. Dogs will bark to wake you up if the house is on fire.

  • Cats will quietly sneak out the back door.

7. Dogs will bring you your slippers or the evening newspaper.

  • Cats might bring you a dead mouse.

6. Dogs will play Frisbee with you all afternoon.

  • Cats will take a three-hour nap.

5. Dogs will sit on the car seat next to you.

  • Cats have to have their own private box or they will not go at all.

4. Dogs will greet you and lick your face when you come home from work.

  • Cats will be mad that you went to work at all.

3. Dogs will sit, lie down, and heel on command.

  • Cats will smirk and walk away.

2. Dogs will tilt their heads and listen whenever you talk.

  • Cats will yawn and close their eyes.

1. Dogs will give you unconditional love forever.

  • Cats will make you pay for every mistake you’ve ever made since the day you were born.

Joke 515

20 Aug
Dog sunny Day Afternoon

Dog sunny Day Afternoon (Photo credit: allert)

My friend Cliff forwarded this email doing the rounds.

Why Some Men Have A Dog And No Wife:

  • The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.
  • Dogs don’t notice if you call them by another dog’s name.
  • Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.
  • A dog’s parents never visit.
  • Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.
  • Dogs find you amusing when you’re drunk.
  • Dogs like to go hunting and fishing. 
  • A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, “If I died, would you get another dog?”
  • If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away. 
  • A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.
  • If a dog smells another dog on you, they don’t get mad.  They just think it’s interesting.
  • If a dog leaves, it won’t take half of your stuff.

To test this theory:

Lock your wife and your dog in the garage for an hour.

Then open it and see who’s happy to see you.

Joke 423

20 May

This is possibly a true story, but I’m using it because it reads like a joke.  I got it from Magsx2’s Blog, via Barb at Passionate About Pets.

Bucket-headed dog

Bucket-headed dog (Photo credit: Paul Kidd)

An older, tired looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head; he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, and curled up in the corner and fell asleep.

 An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.

The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks.

Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: “I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.”

The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar: “He lives in a home with six children, two under the age of three. He’s trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?”

Weekly Photo Challenge: Wildlife

13 May

Some of our gerbils.  They are fabulous pets who will interact with you yet remain ‘wild’.  The photo of Pepper on the Hub’s hand is a little blurred, but I include it to show you how she would groom his hair.

Joke 30

23 Apr

A man runs into the vet’s office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion.  The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog’s body. The cat sniffs the body, and walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog’s body.  He finally looks at the vet and meows.

The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too.” The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.

The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.

The vet looks at the man and says, “I’m sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead too.”

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes.  The vet answers, “$650.”

“$650 to tell me my dog is dead?” exclaimed the man.

“Well,” the vet replies, “I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests.”

My Dog Is In Season And I Am In Distress

2 Jan

It’s that time of year: Molly is on heat and we have covered all seats and ourselves with old throws.  She spends her time licking her bottom and ignoring my reproachful and repellant looks.

I have never been around a dog in season before.  I can’t say I’m in favour of it.  I don’t think she is either: she appears confused and doesn’t know what to do with herself when her tongue is at rest.  Nature is disgusting.

The Hub has taken charge, having grown up around breeding dogs and cats.  He is a great believer in female domestic animals having a litter before sterilisation particularly when, like Molly, they have had a phantom pregnancy, so he has found a mate for her in Bolton.  He and Spud are on their way there now, with Molly primped and perfumed to look her best for the great ugly brute about to violate her.  He is another Yorkshire Terrier called Toby.  Our own Toby is de-testicled and hasn’t paid her any attention at all.  I guess, if you can’t find love at home you will play away….

I couldn’t go with them.  My excuse is that I’m taking down the tree, but really it’s because I feel like a mother pimping out a beloved child and I can’t bear to watch her deflowering.  The Hub, of course, has taken a camera – for a picture of the father, I hasten to add.  He’s going to document the process, from innocent little girl to being loaned out as a baby factory to motherhood to having her beautiful babies snatched from her bosom…my dog, the pawn star.

On Toilets

6 Nov

The question was raised after yesterday’s post, Why can’t dogs use a litter tray like any self-respecting cat?  Well, it appears that they can:

 

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