Tag Archives: Wordpress Prompts

One Part Prompt/Two Parts Silly

28 May

 

Click on the image for source

If you were one part human, two parts something else — another animal, a plant, an inanimate object — what would the other two parts be?

Before I started my weight loss programme (not a diet; I don’t do diets), I was one part human/two parts Maltesers.  Now, I am mostly one part human/two parts hungry.

The Hub says I am one part human/two parts vampire i.e. sucked the life right out of him.

Scratch that, he didn’t say anything of the sort.  But he did offer to slice me open to find out.  Consider me one part grateful/two parts terrified.

*

Here’s a prompt response I found in my drafts folder:

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT! What’s your favorite way to spend Saturday night?

A movie, a large packet of cheese & onion crisps and a glass or three of JC Le Roux’s La Chanson.

I’m writing this post at seven-thirty on Saturday night, in bed with a hot water bottle.  No, the Hub is not giving me the cold shoulder because I was mean about him one too many times (like there’s a limit…); I sneezed today and put out my back.  The power of snot.

Talking of my favourite wine, Number One Son bought me a bottle for Mother’s Day.  Then helped me drink it.

Now he’s Number Two Son.

*

Think about an object, an activity, or a cultural phenomenon you really don’t like. Now write a post (tongue in cheek or not — your call!) about why it’s the best thing ever.

Writing responses to WordPress prompts is the best thing ever because it allows me to make fun of the most off-the-wall people on the planet.

No, really.  They are as much fun as dieting.

*

Your local electronics store has just started selling time machines, anywhere doors, and invisibility helmets. You can only afford one. Which of these do you buy, and why?

I think I’d buy the invisibility helmet.  I like the idea of walking around scaring people when they see a headless body.

And think of how much weight loss that adds to my non-diet…  No one can call me fathead any more!

*

The friendly, English-speaking extraterrestrial you run into outside your house is asking you to recommend the one book, movie, or song that explains what humans are all about. What do you pick?

Of course, it would be an alien that spoke to my headless body, wouldn’t it? Because it wouldn’t know I was weird.

And the book – as you regular readers must surely know – would have to be Ender’s Game, in which we earthlings kick some alien butt.

Damn aliens, coming over here and stealing all our humanity.

*

When you do something scary or stressful — bungee jumping, public speaking, etc. — do you prefer to be surrounded by friends or by strangers? Why?

I prefer to be safe in my bedroom, not jumping off or on to platforms, thank you very much.

You are all welcome to crowd in, of course; but I get the window side of the bed.

*

You’ve been given the superpower to change one law of nature. How do you use it?

Crisps and Maltesers would be one of my five-a-day.

Do you not know me at all, WordPress?

*

What’s the one guilty pleasure you have that’s so good, you no longer feel guilty about it?

Tormenting WordPress Prompters.

Oh, and breaking wind…there’s no smell, now I eat properly.

What?  Nobody comes here for the dainty English refinement – you know that, right?

One Prompt

12 May

What is the one word or phrase that immediately cheers you up when you hear it?

No shit, Sherlock.

It always makes me laugh; I don’t know why.

Sadly, I never use it, because I don’t swear.  Life is so unfair sometimes.

*

In other news…I haven’t been around much lately.  No mystery, just life.

No sugar, Sherlock, as my mother might say.  She didn’t swear either.

A Dry Write Season

17 Apr

I haven’t written a post in thirteen days; and if you haven’t noticed, then I haven’t written a decent recent post.

I don’t believe in Writer’s Block, preferring to call the occasional arid periods in which my fingers take on all the attributes of blank paper with none of its promise – rather like a British tabloid newspaper – ‘dry spells’.  I know I could write something if I neck a bottle of wine in one sitting; but you might not like what I’ve written.  Or understand it, come to that.  Rather like a British tabloid newspaper.

Fortunately, WordPress has been watching me (I knew it!) and sent me a prompt post entitled Five Posts to Write Right Now:

Mired in bloggers’ block? Pshaw — we’ll give you a push! Here are five posts you can publish right now, no matter what topics you usually blog about.

Thank you, WordPress; that’s really thoughtful of you.

1. The last thing that made you mad.

I can’t believe WordPress is spying on me!  What business is it of theirs if I don’t write for two weeks or two years?  Pshaw!

2. Your typical childhood lunch.

Large.

3. An ode to an object.

An Ode To WordPress, The Object Of My Affliction

When I don’t write
You prompt me to
Bloggers not blogging
don’t reflect well on you

When I do write
You spy on me
I must object
Tremendously

But let’s be fair
This ode is crap
Are you really sure
You want me back?

4. Self-psychoanalysis via your bookshelf or Spotify playlists.

Spotify?

I’ve seen it on Facebook as in Suchabody Withnolifetospeakof is listening to Songs For Those Too Lazy To Share The Dull Minutiae Of Their Lives Via Blogs Like I Do on Spotify.

Take the five books on your nightstand, the last five songs you listened to, the last five movies you watched or the last five blog posts you liked — what do they say about you? 

Three Brenda Jagger novels, Siegfried Sassoon’s War Poems and the Bible:

  • Lives in the past; hopes for the future.

Prepare Ye, Beautiful City, Day By Day, All For The Best, By My Side:

  • Lives in the recent past; hopes for the son’s future.

The Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines, Terminator Salvation, Dumb & Dumber.

  • Loves a good romance.

Posts I Like – I have to be discreet here so as not to offend anyone by not including them, so I’ll go for generic subjects instead of specific posts:

  • Hairless cats (funny)
  • Doctor Who (essential)
  • The return of old bloggers (old as in been around a long time, not old as in been around a long time)
  • Boobs with belly buttons (we’re back to the future again)
  • Jolly good news (even more essential than fictional doctors)

5. A mad lib.

I know mad libs are (is?) some weird American traditional game played at Thanksgiving and when the internet is down, but that’s all I know, so we’re back to dry spotify again.

Thanks for nothing, WordPress.

 

 

 

 

 

Never Forget The Prompts

6 Mar

Have you ever eavesdropped on a conversation you weren’t supposed to? Tell us about a time when it was impossible not to overhear a conversation between people who didn’t know you were there. What was the conversation about? How did it make you feel?

It wasn’t eavesdropping so much as my first ten minutes in a new job in Johannesburg.  A secretary walked into the office in great distress, crying her eyes out and complaining that ‘he threw my elephant ears off the balcony!’

Hillbrow flats are small and their balconies are tiny and I wasn’t interested in the argument – instead, I was consumed with a desire to know  what exactly were elephant ears?  If they were ornamental elephant ears, how huge were they?  Did he have to use a tool to tip them over or was he so adrenalin/drink/rage fuelled that it was like a mother lifting a car from her child’s pinned-down body?

Or were they genuine elephant ears?  If they were, they’d still be pretty big but surely they’d have shrivelled to mankiness; and where would you buy something like that anyway?  You could buy legal ivory because elephants weren’t protected in South Africa in the Eighties but I never heard of anyone buying wrinkly skin flaps before.

I felt quite sorry for her distress and empathised with her experience of that terrible creature known as ‘man’, but I was cripplingly shy in those days, kept my head down and never stuck my nose in where it wasn’t wanted.  I went all day without knowing what the argument was about but, finally, at 16:29, one minute before leaving, I had to ask: what on earth are elephant ears?

She laughed and replied, ‘A plant.’

How mundane.  Eavesdropping: it’s really not worth the ear-burning it causes.

*

Tell us about a situation where you’d hoped against all hope, where the odds were completely stacked against you, yet you triumphed. Be sure to describe your situation in full detail. Tell us all about your triumph in all its glory.

I really hoped those ears were real.

That was back in the days when I wasn’t animal-mad; or unselfish (no kids yet).

I triumphed because I plucked up the courage – in the face of twenty-four years of terror at the thought of asking questions of a complete stranger, especially about her personal life – to satisfy my curiosity.

*

A song comes on the radio and instantly, you’re transported to a different time and place. Which song(s) bring back memories for you and why? Be sure to mention the song, and describe the memory it evokes.

Nellie the Elephant…some of you may have heard of it.  I’m transported to church at half-past seven in the evening and the recollection that I forgot to tell you that I’d had a spicy dinner that day and had to clench my butt cheeks the whole time I was on my knees practising CPR, in case the evidence seeped out.

Don’t mock: I could save your life one day.

*

You’re 12 years old. It’s your birthday. Write for ten minutes on that memory.

I can’t remember it.  I’m not an elephant.

*

What giant step did you take where you hoped your leg wouldn’t break? Was it worth it, were you successful in walking on the moon, or did your leg break?

You never take giant steps when you have a wind problem like mine.

*

When was the last time you were embarrassed? How do you react to embarrassment? 

Did you not read my last answer?  How easily embarrassed do you think I am?

Okay, you’re right: I am very easily embarrassed in real life; blogging is fairly anonymous so it removes my inhibitions.  If I were to break wind in your physical presence, I think I’d be embarrassed beyond measure.  We both would.

*

Publish a post in the style of a favorite author/blogger or photographer.

A nonsense poem for you, written in five minutes, as an homage to Ogden Nash, Roger McGough and the city of Chicago.

In Praise of Gas 

There’s an art to the fart, I’m sure
(just follow a wild beast’s spoor).
But if a pump makes you jump
stay away from the elephant’s trump.

He who has gas laughs last (and usually alone).
He capers at vapours and gels with smells;
but he secretly prays there’s no belligerence
caused by his intense flatulence –

he feels embarrassment
but masks it with merriment
and expensive,
frequently sprayed scent.

Apologies to my audience:
I feel I ought to rescind my words about wind –
I suspect I am less sinned against,
than I have sinned.

Prompts About Prompts

19 Feb

Tell us about the time you threw down the gauntlet and drew the proverbial line in the sand by giving someone an ultimatum. If you’ve never handed out an ultimatum but secretly wanted to, describe the scene and what you would say to put an end (one way or another) to an untenable situation.

Really, WordPress!  Enough is enough!  Stop mixing your metaphors and going on for three pages to get to the point (that’s my job).  Give me better prompts or I stop blogging!

*

Imagine yourself at the end of your life. What sort of legacy will you leave? Describe the lasting effect you want to have on the world, after you’re gone.

She was the sort of woman who never followed through on an ultimatum. Consequently, WordPress walked all over her.  However, she knew when her time was up, so she played The Last Post on her last post.  She might have been weak but she went out in style.

*

Describe the one decision in your life where you wish you could get a “do-over.” Tell us about the decision, and why you’d choose to take a different path this time around.

I don’t believe in regrets.  If we like who we are, we can’t regret how we got this way.

However, I am sorry I have a weakness for the WordPress Prompts.

Not.

*

If you were involved in a movie, would you rather be the director, the producer, or the lead performer? (Note: you can’t be the writer!).

None of the above.  I’d like to be the person just off set, with the script.  You know…the prompter.

*

We all know how to do something well — write a post that teaches readers how to do something you know and/or love to do.

  1. Sign up to The Daily Post.
  2. Check your email inbox each day.
  3. Start a new post.
  4. Choose a prompt from your Daily Post emails.
  5. Make fun of it.
  6. Thank your lucky stars that you have never been Freshly Pressed because flying under the radar means you can scoff at the prompts until the cows come home to mock your mixed metaphors.
  7. Bask in the adulation.

*

Look in the mirror. Does the person you see match the person you feel like on the inside?

No.  Without slicing myself from that funny little triangular bit at the base of the throat to the unmentionable in a family blog bit at the top of my legs, I can’t get my hands inside my body to rummage around feeling what I feel like.  I’d have to be a particularly skilled surgeon to do that.  And insane.

How much stock do you put in appearances?

A lot.  I have to wear a disguise because the WordPress Prompters have put out a hit on me.  Something about ‘norespectforourhardworkcomingupwithideas-
every
dayjustsoyoucanmakefunofus.’

*

Cooking The Prompts

13 Feb

You’re at the beach, lounging on your towel, when a glistening object at the water’s edge catches your eye. It’s a bottle — and yes, it contains a message. What does it say?

Drink Me.  Oh, wait…you’re not Alice.  Damn rabbit!

*

Tell us about something you’ve tried to quit.

Blogging.

Did you go cold turkey, or for gradual change?

Cold turkey.  It was Christmas.

Did it stick?

What do you think?

What’s the one item in your kitchen you can’t possibly cook without? A spice, your grandma’s measuring cup, instant ramen — what’s your magic ingredient, and why?

The Hub.  If he’s not there, cheering me on and hugging me through my failures, I go to pieces.  I once incinerated a pack of chippolata sausages because he was in another country instead of my kitchen.  I have to burn food so I know when it’s cooked (I was one of the few people to take notice of all those safety adverts as a child).  I need the Hub there to tell me when ‘burnt to a cinder’ is too much.

What’s instant ramen?

*

You’ve been granted magical engineering skills, but you can only use them to build one gadget or machine. What do you build?

Star Trek TNG‘s food replicator.  

But then I wouldn’t need the Hub…what to do, what to do?

*

What’s the household task you most dislike doing? Why do you think that is — is it the task itself, or something more?

Previous answers refer.

*

Write a post that includes dialogue between two people — other than you. 

A True Story, almost

The Hub: Where’s your Mum?

Tory Boy: In bed.

The Hub: Where are the boiled eggs?

Tory Boy: On the ceiling.

The Hub: She cooked?

What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned from the person you’re the closest to?

To leave the cooking to him.

Actually, not any more; his M.E. means that he can’t cook these days.

So I guess the lesson is, marry someone rich enough to afford takeaways.

*

It’s January 26. Write a post in which the number 26 plays a role.

Hello?  I’d like to order a Number 26, two 14s and a 32, please.

*

Tell us about the nicest thing you’ve ever done.

Stopped cooking for my family.

*

If you could fast forward to a specific date in the future, when would it be?

The day the replicator is finally invented.

*

Weekly Photo Challenge Catch-Up

12 Sep

Checking my Daily Prompt folder, I discovered I have 224 prompts to answer.  I thought I’d better make a start.

WPC: Curves

The Hub and I celebrated his 21st birthday in our second home.  We had been married four months and still had our figures:

Paul's 21st 6 Cortosa 1985 1

WPC: Fleeting

My love for the Hub was fleeting.  It lasted as long as the time it took to develop this photograph:

Pauls21st1985004

WPC: The World Through My Eyes

I see the world through eyes that are still this young:

Pauls21st1985002

WPC: Companionable

We have always been companionable, so long as I tell him what to do and he does it:

Paul's 21st 6 Cortosa 1985 2

In return, I have to wear a green headdress at all times.

WPC: Foreshadow

Here’s a foreshadowing of our relationship:

Pulsarcrash1987001

WPC: An Unusual Point Of View

Here’s an unusual point of view – the Hub is telling me what to do:

Paul Linda UK Germany holiday 1988

Don’t worry: it was only which section of the paper I could have.  Natural order was soon restored:

PaulBikeAccident1987001

Blogging, The Happy Medium

8 Aug
London

London (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

Write up a mid-year “State of My Year” post.

Finally, a prompt I can take seriously!

My year has been great.  I’ve done lots of fun things, including several visits from people who I had never met before they arrived; but we all finished the visits as fast friends.  Though one finish couldn’t come fast enough, if you know what I mean…*

*I’m kidding.  Everyone was lovely; you know

London

London (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

I can’t resist the easy joke.

I’ve been to the theatre five times; eaten in restaurants at least four times – three of them in the space of a week.  I didn’t eat out three times in the previous three years but I made up for it in July.

I’ve had a fair few poems published this year. I finished editing my South African poem collection.  I gave a poetry recital and I’ve got two more planned for next month, as well as a workshop I’m going to run.  I’ve signed up for a local creative writing course in September.  I got my blogging addiction under control; so much so, I practically gave it up for a while, but now I’ve found a happy medium.

My boys are doing well.  Tory Boy enjoys his job; he’s coming home for ten days for my birthday (oh, and the Hub’s).  Spud was in three plays in six months and had the lead in two of them (I will never tire of boasting about that).  He had his first paid acting gig (a post will follow when he sends me some photos).

My husband really loves me.  So much, in fact, that he’s sending me away.   That’s where I am now, as you read this – in London with Spud.  Speaking of dead weight, I’ve lost over a stone.

My year so far is gooooooooooooooood.  Though I do miss Maltesers.

London Underground

London Underground (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

Is the glass half-full, or half-empty?

The glass is brimming over and making a mess on the table.

London underground

London underground (Photo credit: @Doug88888)

Tell us about a time where everything you’d hoped would happen actually did.

My husband offered to send me away and then made sure he did.

Oh, sorry; I didn’t realise it was supposed to be about me.

A multi segment panoramic image of the London ...

A multi segment panoramic image of the London skyline from the Bermondsey banks of the Thames. Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When you gaze out your window — real or figurative — do you see the forest first, or the trees?

I see the tiny back gardens as I whizz past on the London Express.

So, not so much trees and forest as wet washing and cement.

Globe Theatre - London

Globe Theatre – London (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

We each have many types of love relationships — parents, children, spouses, friends. And they’re not always with people; you may love an animal, or a place. Is there a single idea or definition that runs through all the varieties of “love”?

Unselfishness.

Thank you, darling Hub, for this trip; for making sure I have a special treat for a milestone birthday; for making my dream come true.  I love you.

So much so, I might be nice to you when I get home; if I’m not too tired or menopausal, that is…oh…wait…I see why I’m being sent away….

Shakespeare's Globe Theatre

Shakespeare’s Globe Theatre (Photo credit: n_willsey)

 

Painting The Prompts

1 Aug

In an effort to regulate my blogging, I have designated Thursday as Answer WordPress Prompts Day.  Here’s today’s batch.

Bad Tastes

Bad Tastes (Photo credit: nicola.albertini)

If you could take a break from your life and go back to school to master a subject, what would it be?

Cooking.  I can do it, sort of; but I hate it.  I cook because I love my family.  Maybe I should go back to school and master time travel instead!  I could then go back in time to August 17th, 1982 and not meet the Hub in a car park; not fall in love, not marry and not have children. Result: no cooking!

Nah.  It could never happen.  I’m even worse at physics than I am in a kitchen.

*

If you had the opportunity to live a nomadic life, traveling from place to place, would you do it?

No and yes.  No, because I’m delicate and tire easily.  Yes, if I could move house regularly.  I like moving house: the perfect opportunity to declutter.  One of these moves, I might even accidentally leave the Hub behind (Spud leaves home next year for university so if I offload the Hub…no cooking!).

Do you need a home base?

Of course; how else could I recharge my batteries and have the perfect Malteser hidey-hole?

What makes a place “home” to you?

It’s the place where I cook.  Talk about your Catch-22.

*

What’s your favorite part about visiting a new place — the food? The architecture? The people watching?

  • The food – yes.  Not having to cook will always find favour with me.
  • The architecture – yes.  There is nothing more beautiful than the bricks surrounding an affordable restaurant.
  • The people watching – no.  I don’t like to eat in company in case I get crumbs in my moustache; to have people watching me eat would make me too nervous.

*

Finish this sentence: “My closest friend is…”

My closest friend is an excellent cook.  In fact, all of my friends are excellent cooks.  It must be like craving coal when you’re pregnant: the body steers you towards what it’s missing.

*

After spending time with a group of people, do you feel energized and ready for anything or do you want to hide in the corner with a good book?

Depends how good their food was.

*

Is there a painting or sculpture you’re drawn to?

English: Public Domain version of DaVinci's La...

English: Public Domain version of DaVinci’s Last Supper. High-resolution JPEG image, with no watermarks. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Leonardo’s The Last Supper.  Obviously.

What does it say to you?

“Tilly, you can love Jesus and food.  But hearing frescos speak is not a good sign…”

Describe the experience.

I typed ‘the last supper’* into Google Images and there it was.

*Not even I am anal enough to use capital letters in a search engine.

(Or, if art doesn’t speak to you, tell us why.)

Because I’m not crazy.  The question ‘What does it say to you?’ refers.

An Offer I Couldn’t Refuse

25 Jul
brains of milk and chocolate

brains of milk and chocolate (Photo credit: Alejandro Peters)

Give your newer sisters and brothers-in-WordPress one piece of advice based on your experiences blogging.

Don’t omit words if you don’t want me to have an aneurysm.

‘…experiences OF blogging,’ WordPress!  ‘OF!’

Or is it?

Is it ‘in’?  Is it ‘when’?  Is it something else altogether?

I have a headache.

New one piece of advice, new bloggers: don’t pretend to be an expert when you are full of self-doubt.

*

Do you feel uncomfortable when you see someone else being embarrassed?

Always; that’s why I have an aneurysm instead of pointing out your grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors.

What’s most likely to make you squirm?

Anyone who says ‘supposably’.  I feel all the embarrassment they don’t.

*

Do you need to agree with an artist’s lifestyle or politics to appreciate their art?

No; but don’t be surprised if people assume you do.

To spend money on it?

No; I need actual money to do that.

*

 You receive a call from someone an unexpected person. Who is it, and what is the conversation about? Go!

Caller: Did you read the latest WordPress prompt?  An extra space, a superfluous word and an imperative!

Me: Sorry; I can’t talk right now: I’m having an aneurysm.

*

Jada Pinkett Smith, Will Smith

Jada Pinkett Smith, Will Smith (Photo credit: Anz-i)

If you could be someone else for a day, who would you be, and why? If that seems too easy, try this one: who would you like to have spend a day as you and what do you hope they’d learn from the experience?

I wouldn’t be anyone; I’m happy to be me.  If pushed, however, I would have to say Jada Pinkett Smith.  For obvious reasons.

If someone had to be me, I would take a WordPress prompter; I hope they’d learn how not to make my head explode.

*

What’s the most significant secret you’ve ever kept? Did the truth ever come out?

Yeah, right, WordPress!  Like I’d tell you…nice try.

*

Describe a little thing — one of the things you love that define you worlds but is often overlooked.

I like the letter ‘r’.  I can tell you don’t feel the same way.

*

The Tooth Fairy (or Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus . . .): a fun and harmless fiction, or a pointless justification for lying to children?

OsterhaseNikolaus Nein

OsterhaseNikolaus Nein (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m a parent; why would I need justification to lie to my children?

*

Here’s the title of your post: “An Offer I Couldn’t Refuse.”

Set a timer for ten minutes, and write it. Go!


WordPress, WordPress, WordPress…you make it too easy for me.

*

I Thought About Writing This Post But…

18 Jun

When Janet met Tilly

Photograph  © janetsnotebook.com

Daily Prompt: Shape Up or Ship Out

Write a letter to the personality trait you like least, convincing it to shape up or ship out. Be as threatening, theatrical, or thoroughly charming as is necessary to get the job done.

*

Dear Procrastination,

How are you?  You haven’t replied to my previous three emails so I don’t know.

You need to get your act together and start writing some posts about the visit of your blogger friend Janet.  Not only has she written nine posts about her time with us, she has also compiled them into a fabulous, free ebook which exposes the dirty underbelly and large overbelly of life in Tillybudland.  She puts you to shame.

She even included new photographs!  The one of us in an old pinny and yellow hairnet is rather fetching, if you like your unflattering pictures in multicolours (I know I do).

If you want to read or download the exposé ebook, just visit Janet’s Notebook.

Lots of love, 

Your Better Self

PS Sorry this is so late; I’ve been meaning to write it for ages but never got around to it.

 

Lynn Noxin, This Post Is For You

12 Jun

Time to catch up on a few Daily Prompts.

Draft a post with three parts, each unrelated to the another, but create a common thread between them by including the same item — an object, a symbol, a place — in each part.

I went one better and did it in four parts, with four disparate questions:

  • Normal is as normal does
  • A review
  • World hunger eradicated
  • A party

The object: a friend.

*

Is being “normal” — whatever that means to you — a good thing, or a bad thing? Neither?

‘Normal.’  I’ve heard of it.  Can’t say I know what it’s like.

A true story: a friend and I were chatting.  I consider her a left-leaning hippy. She considers my a right-wing…well, let’s not use any swear words on a family blog, shall we?

We were chatting about the nature of eccentricity.  I asked her if she thought I was eccentric and she replied yes.  My face fell.

She asked me if I thought she was eccentric and I replied no.  Her face fell.

I was too polite to tell the truth.  I hope she was, too.

Normal is over-rated.  If I was normal, I’d have three followers and no five-day visits to and from complete strangers who become best friends.

*

Write a review of your life — or the life of someone close to you — as if it were a movie or a book.

I have a lovely friend who is a left-leaning hippy.  She moved away.  Pity.  Next to her, I look normal.

*

If you could get all the nutrition you needed in a day with a pill — no worrying about what to eat, no food preparation — would you do it?

This has to be the dumbest question yet.

Of course I would.  No cooking, ever?

Duh.

*

Plan the ultimate celebration for the person you’re closest to, and tell us about it. Where is it? Who’s there? What’s served? What happens?

I have this lovely, left-leaning hippy friend who promised to visit me last Easter. I’m still waiting.  I’m sure she’ll arrive soon, because I have a whole party prepared for her…my lounge; me; I’ve even prepared a delicious dinner of pill.

*

Weekly Photo Challenge: Escape

19 May

The Hub has often tried to escape from me:

Christmas 1987 Paul

This is the result:

PaulBikeAccident1987001He tried to pay me off:

Paul Zambia Casino 1993

Trouble is, the party his generosity paid for lead to this:

Alex at Dave & Jill's 1997

And, consequently, this:

Photo by Best DSC!

Face it, Hub: there’s no escaping me:

linda alex 01062007 022

Six Down; Eighty-Seven To Go

2 May

I’m a little behind in answering the daily prompts – about 93 prompts behind, if I’m honest.  So here goes:

At noon today, take a pause in what you’re doing or thinking about. Make a note of it, and write a post about it later.

12:00  Mmm, lunch!

12:02:  Mmm, lunch was delicious!

Hot dog eating a hot dog

Hot dog eating a hot dog (Photo credit: interpunct)

*

Head to your favorite online news source. Pick an article with a headline that grabs you. Now, write a short story based on the article. 

From Sky News:  Cannibalism Confirmed At Early US Settlements

Summary: Jamestown residents eat 14 year-old girl after difficult winter.

We’ve had a difficult winter, haven’t we Spud?

Mmm…lunch…

*

What role does music play in your life?

It often accompanies lunch.

But what it really wants to do is direct.

*

Read the story of Richard Parker and Tom Dudley.  [Shipwrecked sailors dine on dying cabin boy] Is what Dudley did defensible? What would you have done?

I plead the Fifth.  I will say, however, that if I had been there, which I quite possibly was because the report says Tilly succeeded in obtaining bail, that I’d have been cleared on the grounds that it would drive any Tilly insane to have to go for more than four hours without food.

 *

Invent a definition for the word “flangiprop,” then use the word in a post. 

 Flangiprop: 

An open, tartlike pastry, 
the shell of which is baked 
in a bottomless band of metal
on a baking sheet, 
removed from the ring 
and filled with custard, cream, fruit, etc.  
It has a gelatinous base.
*
Mmm, dessert was delicious!
*
*
Reincarnation: do you believe in it?
*
Not at all.
*
Though I did in a previous life.
*
*
*

Talk, Task & Just Too Weird

19 Apr
[victorian child care]

[victorian child care] (Photo credit: RHiNO NEAL)

*

A conversation after the zugzwang of yesterday’s post:

Me [puzzled and a little distressed]: I wrote a really lovely post for Tory Boy’s birthday.  It was supposed to be funny, but it was nice instead.

Hub [genuinely sympathetic]: Aw, never mind, sweetie.

*

*

Less words…

Less words… (Photo credit: shtikl)

*

Today is the last day of my 26 words in 26 posts challenge.  

I succeeded!

If by ‘succeeded’ I mean, ‘Didn’t include joke posts and there was one day when I forgot to include a new word.’

I hope you enjoyed learning 26 new words and their meanings which, if you are anything like me, you will immediately have forgotten.

To refresh your memory, here are the last three words of the challenge:

Xu: an aluminum* coin of Vietnam, the 100th part of a dong.

*aluminium, if you speak English.

Ylem: the original substance of the universe from which all matter is said to be derived.  So that’s where babies come from…

Zugzwang: a position in which one player can move only with loss or severe disadvantage i.e. there’s no getting around it – yesterday’s post was bad for my image.

*

*

E-collar

E-collar (Photo credit: sean94110)

Today’s WordPress prompt:

In the DC comics universe, a planet called “Htrae” (“Earth” spelled backwards) is populated with bizarre versions of superheroes. A Seinfeld episode made the idea of this Bizarro World popular, where the characters encountered their opposite selves.

Craft a scene in which you meet an opposite version of yourself — or a story in a bizarre, backwards world.

Welcome, welcome, Laughing Housewife, to our WordPress Prompters’ office. We love your responses to our prompts and enjoy the way you poke fun at us, without mercy or regard for your blog’s safety.

Thank you, Dear WordPress Prompter, I replied; I came to inform you, however, that I regret my past arrows through your hearts and have decided to cease tormenting yo…

I’m sorry, dear readers: some worlds are so bizarre that my head explodes even thinking about it.

 

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