It’s about four years late but I’ve only just seen it.
Tell us about the time you threw down the gauntlet and drew the proverbial line in the sand by giving someone an ultimatum. If you’ve never handed out an ultimatum but secretly wanted to, describe the scene and what you would say to put an end (one way or another) to an untenable situation.
Really, WordPress! Enough is enough! Stop mixing your metaphors and going on for three pages to get to the point (that’s my job). Give me better prompts or I stop blogging!
Imagine yourself at the end of your life. What sort of legacy will you leave? Describe the lasting effect you want to have on the world, after you’re gone.
She was the sort of woman who never followed through on an ultimatum. Consequently, WordPress walked all over her. However, she knew when her time was up, so she played The Last Post on her last post. She might have been weak but she went out in style.
Describe the one decision in your life where you wish you could get a “do-over.” Tell us about the decision, and why you’d choose to take a different path this time around.
I don’t believe in regrets. If we like who we are, we can’t regret how we got this way.
However, I am sorry I have a weakness for the WordPress Prompts.
If you were involved in a movie, would you rather be the director, the producer, or the lead performer? (Note: you can’t be the writer!).
None of the above. I’d like to be the person just off set, with the script. You know…the prompter.
We all know how to do something well — write a post that teaches readers how to do something you know and/or love to do.
Look in the mirror. Does the person you see match the person you feel like on the inside?
No. Without slicing myself from that funny little triangular bit at the base of the throat to the unmentionable in a family blog bit at the top of my legs, I can’t get my hands inside my body to rummage around feeling what I feel like. I’d have to be a particularly skilled surgeon to do that. And insane.
How much stock do you put in appearances?
A lot. I have to wear a disguise because the WordPress Prompters have put out a hit on me. Something about ‘norespectforourhardworkcomingupwithideas-
More from the Two Ronnies.
The Hub is in bed because he’s unwell.
Spud is in bed because he’s a teenager.
I thought I’d take advantage of the peace and update my poem folders. I had a list of roughly 1500 poems which needed to be categorised. I did that with the hard copies months ago but never got around to updating it on the computer. The title of this post will tell you why.
I moved all the As last week; then the Bs to Rs. I still have the Ss to Zs to move and I can’t put it off any longer.
Once that’s complete, I’ll avoid matching the hard copy folders to the computer folders for as long as I can, but it will have to be done eventually.
Go here for more Six Word Saturdays. I recommend that you do – they’ve got to be more interesting than this post.
Here’s a clip of Spud and the corpse corpsing on stage; listen for the thud as Tito’s head hits the bedstead.
No tenors were hurt in the making of this film.
Time for some Groucho Marx. You’ve probably heard them all but they are always worth sharing again.
Time to catch up on a few Daily Prompts.
Draft a post with three parts, each unrelated to the another, but create a common thread between them by including the same item — an object, a symbol, a place — in each part.
I went one better and did it in four parts, with four disparate questions:
The object: a friend.
Is being “normal” — whatever that means to you — a good thing, or a bad thing? Neither?
‘Normal.’ I’ve heard of it. Can’t say I know what it’s like.
A true story: a friend and I were chatting. I consider her a left-leaning hippy. She considers my a right-wing…well, let’s not use any swear words on a family blog, shall we?
We were chatting about the nature of eccentricity. I asked her if she thought I was eccentric and she replied yes. My face fell.
She asked me if I thought she was eccentric and I replied no. Her face fell.
I was too polite to tell the truth. I hope she was, too.
Normal is over-rated. If I was normal, I’d have three followers and no five-day visits to and from complete strangers who become best friends.
Write a review of your life — or the life of someone close to you — as if it were a movie or a book.
I have a lovely friend who is a left-leaning hippy. She moved away. Pity. Next to her, I look normal.
If you could get all the nutrition you needed in a day with a pill — no worrying about what to eat, no food preparation — would you do it?
This has to be the dumbest question yet.
Of course I would. No cooking, ever?
Plan the ultimate celebration for the person you’re closest to, and tell us about it. Where is it? Who’s there? What’s served? What happens?
I have this lovely, left-leaning hippy friend who promised to visit me last Easter. I’m still waiting. I’m sure she’ll arrive soon, because I have a whole party prepared for her…my lounge; me; I’ve even prepared a delicious dinner of pill.
We watched the final last night and believed there was a worthy winner, but we’d have been happy if any of four acts had won.
The Luminites were brilliant throughout the comp and we were astonished they weren’t in the top three:
Richard & Adam have gorgeous voices and were so professional when the viola player ran on stage to throw eggs at Simon Cowell, I thought at first it was part of the act and she was throwing stars into the audience:
Jack Carroll, only 14 and with Cerebral Palsy, is a brilliant comedian and must surely have a big future ahead of him:
And here’s my favourite performance from Attraction, the winners, though they were all good:
Questions Which Have No Answers
A Dog Asks
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog.
Some recent Facebook posts which I want to share with you:
And this one, made especially for me by my friend Pam. Thanks Pam!
Some smelly old jokes for you.
Thanks to photosbykev for these jokes.
When you next read an academic paper, make sure you have this handy guide by your side.
“IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN”
I didn’t look up the original reference.
“WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS”
An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.
“THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY”
The other results didn’t make any sense.
“TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN”
This is the prettiest graph.
“THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT”
I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
“IN MY EXPERIENCE”
“IN CASE AFTER CASE”
“IN A SERIES OF CASES”
“IT IS BELIEVED THAT”
“IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT”
A couple of others think so, too.
“CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE”
Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.
“ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS”
Rumour has it.
“A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE
OF THESE FINDINGS”
A really wild guess.
“A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA”
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a beer glass.
“IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS”
I don’t understand it…and I never will.
“AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES”
They don’t understand it either.
“A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY”
A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
“IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD”
I am pleased to feed you this rubbish.
Female Radar Controller: “Can I turn you on at 7 miles?”
Airline Captain: “Madam, you can try.”
Tower: “Airline XXX, it looks like one of your baggage doors is open.”
Captain (after quickly scanning the FE panel): “Ah, thanks tower, but you must be looking at our APU door.”
Tower: “Okay, Airline XXX, cleared for takeoff.”
Captain: “Cleared for takeoff, Airline XXX.”
Tower, during the takeoff roll: “Airline XXX, ahh … it appears that your APU is leaking luggage…”
The crew of a US airliner made a wrong turn during taxi and came nose to nose with another aircraft. The furious ground controller screamed: “[Callsign] where are you going? I told you to turn right on ‘Charlie’ taxiway; you turned right on ‘Delta’. Stop right there!” Continuing her verbal lashing of the embarrassed crew, she shouted: “You’ve screwed everything up. It’ll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don’t move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that?”
The frequency went very quiet until an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked: “Wasn’t I married to you once?”
A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high.
San Jose Tower: “American 751 heavy, turn right at the end, if able. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport.”
Tower: “Eastern 702, contact Departure on 124.7.”
Eastern 702: “Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure…by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.”
Tower: “Continental 635, cleared for take-off; did you copy the report from Eastern?”
Continental 635: “Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and roger, we copied Eastern and we’ve already notified our caterers.”
O’Hare Approach Control: “United 329 Heavy, your traffic is a Fokker F-27, one o’clock, 3 miles, eastbound.”
United 329: “Approach, I’ve always wanted to say this… I’ve got that Fokker in sight.”
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