Archive | 11:15

Getting Into A Bit Of A Lather

23 Jan

Derr Fourteen in the Big Bother House and Tilly Bud declares she’s givin’ up cleanin’ for goodd.  All pictures, bedside drawers and crushed ironin’ will stay in the big double cupboard on the landin’; the Christmas decorations remain in the bath.  Nor-one in the House has had a bath since Monday mornin’ and the stench is slowly becomin’ visible.  Tilly Bud did wash her hair with anti-bacterial hand soap on Thursday at 7:46 aa-em sor she’s not afraid of nits, but it looked greasier than before she started, and she could’nae find a hat or a cardboard box to cover it.  The mood in the house has fallen dramatcally as a result.

Nominations are as follows:

Tilly Bud: all votes; twice

Big Bother House, this is Davina.  You are live on Planet Earth; please do not swear.  Tilly Bud, Tilly Bud, and Tilly Bud you have all been nominated for eviction.  I can now reveal that the first person to leave the Big Bother House is …………….

……………………………………..………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………………………

………………………………………………………………………….. Tilly Bud! 

 I’m coming to get you! 

Don’t worry, I’ve got a scarf for your horrible hair.

 

Tilly Bud

you have been evicted

please leave the Big Bother House

with that dirty head.

Better Late Than Never

23 Jan

I am writing this tonight though it’s already tomorrow, and will be when you read this; just as my tonight will be your yesterday and my tomorrow your today. Unless you’re reading this on Dave*, in which case, Top Gear will be on in a minute.

I blame daylight saving time. I haven’t saved any this week; in fact, I have used more than I needed: the electricians turned off everything except the lights, which they left on in every room for two-and-a-half days. The only advantage to being without power in all that time, I thought, was the money I would save on my utilities bill…now I’m wondering if I can get a government grant or steal an electrician’s wallet to cover the cost.

Don’t mind me; I’m knackered with a capital KNACK. It’s not the shifting a life-time’s worth of junk from your loft or sitting around doing nothing for two days that tires you out; it’s the cleaning up afterwards. I had the stupid idea of doing an early spring clean as I put stuff back. One day of that and I had to spend today recovering.

Housework: I can’t say I’m in favour of it.

* A cable tv channel that has Top Gear on a 24-hour loop

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