Today is My One Year B***********

30 Jun

The Doctor was beginning to regret getting so many pets….

*

Today is my one-year *l**********.  When I told the Hub, he insisted that I can’t use the word ‘**o*********’ because it’s just too naff and he doesn’t want to be known for having a naff wife using the word ‘***g********.’  As this blog is mostly about him, I had to listen to his argument.  Especially as he had me pinned to the floor with a knee across my larynx at the time.

I decided to celebrate my ****i******* by taking a look at my statistics (as if I don’t look at them every day, drooling with excitement that three people linked from Writer’s Island and the two-hundred-and-eighty-ninth person accidentally found me by typing in ‘your old as woman feel’) .   I would tell you all about it but I can’t help feeling that a) it’s dull and b) it would be rather like swapping salary stories; I just don’t think it’s the done thing in the blogosphere.  I can tell you, because I have a little stat counter on my home page so it’s something you can check for yourself, that my target of 10,000 hits for the end of the year – 2010; not the year since I started blogging, which is today.  Did I mention it was my *****v******? – will be reached sometime in the next ten days.  I hope.

Now I have to set a new target.  That involves looking at statistics.  Umm…  2782 in my first half and 7016 in my second half which is an increase of something percent so if I factor in my poor maths skills and multiply that by my one year *****e*****, take away the number I first thought of and stop for a chocolate break, my new target will be 17,000 hits by 31 December.  (Don’t let the science fool you; this is what’s technically known as a ‘thumbsuck figure.’)  And look at that!  I finally managed to legitimately pull together three punctuation marks.  Go me!*

*

I have a bit of a problem: I set myself today’s target of writing the word (though it’s not really a word and in the opinion of the Hub is a bit naff; did I say that already?) ‘*******r****’ twelve times in this post so that anyone who’s a bit clever, like, could crack the code and discover for themselves what the word is (it’s ‘********s***’).  Thus, I would be obeying the Hub’s diktat not to say ‘*********a**’ but subverting it at the same time.  I’m too smart for him.  Trouble is, I’ve run out of things to say.

Oo!  Oo!  Just had a **********r* flash of genius – isn’t it ironic that the first anniversary of a blog (wink wink) – an electronic media (medium?) – should be paper? Why?

*

Today is Rallentanda’s POW prompt day.  The prompt is to write a Who Am I?  poem.  The first was written in response and is easy; the second was written about eighteen months ago and is more difficult if you are not interested in Royal history – which, inexplicably, many people aren’t. 

Answers on a postcard please; or in the comment box.

*

Who Am I?

I’m craggy but handsome; fecund but cute. 
I look good in blue or my birthday suit. 
I act; I direct; sometimes I produce. 
I had a great wife but I played fast and loose. 
Dad wanted his son to avoid Vietnam:
I’m Aussie; I’m Yank; I don’t give a damn.
Famously Catholic, I’m hypocritical. 
I’m occasionally drunk and anti-semitical. 

Who am I?

*

Mother Knows Best

There is so much angst at home
when your Mum sits on the throne.
She says it is my duty
to wed for State, not booty.
I know that I can’t fight her:
she’ll pull her corset tighter
and declare she’s not amused;
I must consent to being used.
Avoiding war is wiser:
I’m off to raise a Kaiser. 

*

 

 

*Sorry, I’m excited.  Today is my ***********y.  

 

Ha!**  You thought I couldn’t do it, didn’t you?   

 

**Will somebody please close the exclamation mark factory door before I overdose?

 

 

25 Responses to “Today is My One Year B***********”

  1. Frank Mosley June 30, 2010 at 09:43 #

    Mel Gibson and Big Ears Charlie – do I get a chocolate now?

    Like

    • tillybud June 30, 2010 at 09:57 #

      Half-right, so the consolation prize is watching me eat it. You didn’t really think I was going to share, did you?

      Like

  2. derrick2 June 30, 2010 at 09:55 #

    Mel certainly, but I’d plump for Edward VII ? And Happy B*********** to you!

    Like

    • tillybud June 30, 2010 at 15:35 #

      Close, but no chocolate cigar (this blog is a no smoking area)

      Like

  3. Rallentanda June 30, 2010 at 10:18 #

    Mel and Hooray Henry.

    Like

    • tillybud June 30, 2010 at 15:36 #

      Yes and no.

      Like

  4. derrick2 June 30, 2010 at 10:24 #

    I’m back! Because it just occurred to me (duh) that you are talking about the female of the species and mean little Vicky who was Kaiser Bill’s mom?

    Like

    • tillybud June 30, 2010 at 15:36 #

      You’re too good!

      Like

  5. Stan Ski June 30, 2010 at 10:33 #

    I’ve addressed one postcard to Mel Gibson – haven’t got a name Victoria’s daughter without checking.

    Like

    • tillybud June 30, 2010 at 15:36 #

      Share Derrick’s chocolate.

      Like

  6. vivinfrance June 30, 2010 at 11:57 #

    And it’s not your birthday, cos that’s in September, so it must be an anniversary. My brain is a bit dead today. Can’t get the first, though I sort of like the sound of him. The second? The pub in Albert Square?

    Like

  7. slpmartin June 30, 2010 at 15:48 #

    I don’t know if I enjoyed the post more for the poetry or the dialogue around it. 😉 Perhaps both!

    Like

    • tillybud July 1, 2010 at 08:10 #

      Music to my ears! Buy yourself a chocolate.

      Like

  8. ravenswingpoetry June 30, 2010 at 16:07 #

    I got it. Blogiversary. 🙂

    I could tell that the first was Mel Gibson, but no clue on the second person.

    Cleverly done!

    -Nicole

    Like

    • tillybud July 1, 2010 at 08:12 #

      Thanks. The second is special interest, really, so no reason why you should get it if you’re not a geeky royalist like me.

      Like

  9. brenda w June 30, 2010 at 17:20 #

    Happy Blogiversary! Mel Gibson and idk. I love your writing, it makes me chuckle. Great posts!

    Like

    • tillybud July 1, 2010 at 08:13 #

      Thanks Brenda! 🙂

      Like

  10. rebecca July 1, 2010 at 04:48 #

    Congratulations on all your stats. I just recently hit 20,000 hits on my blog. It takes a while, but the blog community is very supportive.

    Like

    • tillybud July 1, 2010 at 08:13 #

      Well done!

      Like

  11. Francis Scudellari July 2, 2010 at 05:20 #

    I saw the answers before reading the poems, but that didn’t diminish their enjoyment. I would have gotten Mel, but not Victoria’s daughter (I’m one of those who doesn’t pay attention to royalty).

    Like

    • tillybud July 2, 2010 at 06:49 #

      Can you see my aghast expression?

      Like

  12. AliciaAdorada July 2, 2010 at 23:34 #

    Congrats to you Tilly!! I hope to one day reach your numbers! I guess I have to write daily like you! hehe

    Like

    • tillybud July 3, 2010 at 08:22 #

      Thanks Alicia. You will!

      Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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