Pigs Might Cry

24 Jul

Somebody broke my neighbour’s pig.

About a month ago, a pig suddenly appeared outside his house, snuffling for truffles in the dirt. That’s what everyone thought on first sight, but it was actually a life-size pot pig. It was a popular feature and gave us all a good laugh to see our own astonishment mirrored on our visitors’ faces.

Last night, while we were sleeping, somebody broke it in half. Mean-spirited, but not at all surprising in this neighbourhood. The wonder is that it lasted as long as it did.

R.I.P. Pot Pig, in that great pig sty in the sky.


The pig story reminds me that I have written about pigs before: you can read my version of the three little pigs story here; and I wrote this years ago:

Pig Philosophy

I’m pink,
therefore I’m ham.

I thought I was being highly original at the time but in last week’s Quote…Unquote on Radio 4 I heard this version (spotted in a university toilet in the philosophy department):

I’m pink,
therefore I’m spam.

Guess there ain’t nuthin’ new under de sun.


Some interesting facts about pigs:

  • they are ranked as the fourth-most intelligent animal, after chimps, dolphins and elephants

  • they have 44 teeth

  • they can live for up to fifteen years

  • pigs can swim

  • they don’t sweat; that’s why they wallow in mud – to keep cool; it also acts as a sunscreen

  • in spite of the mud, they are extremely clean animals

  • they respond to their names when called

  • a pig’s scream can register as high as 115 decibels

  • the largest known pig was called Big Bill: five feet high; nine feet long…mmm…think of all that lovely bacon

  • the largest litter was 37 piglets…mmm…think of all that…


My favourite Dorothy Parker riposte:

Clare Boothe Luce and DP arrived at a doorway at the same time. CBL gestured for Dot to go first and said, ‘Age before beauty.’ Sweeping through the doorway Ms P replied, ‘Pearls before swine.’


Now I’ve made myself hungry. Pigs might fry.

4 Responses to “Pigs Might Cry”

  1. pamela July 24, 2010 at 23:59 #

    Tillybud how sad for the pig!


    • tillybud July 25, 2010 at 13:22 #

      I know!


  2. vivinfrance July 25, 2010 at 08:52 #

    I hope they managed to stick the pot pig together again.


    • tillybud July 25, 2010 at 13:22 #

      Sadly, no.


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