We’re Not Buying, Thanks

The Hub has come up with a new way to see off doorstep peddlers.  I saw through the window that the street was flooded with a blue fleece-wearing cartel of salespeople and I just wasn’t in the mood to stand on my step arguing that I didn’t need insurance/newspapers/gas/electricity/broadband/phone/Sky+ etc., so I told the Hub I was going to write a note saying, Got no money; please go away, and push it through the letterbox to our caller.  The Hub thought that was lame and wanted to use a succinct Anglo-Saxon phrase he’s fond of, but I wouldn’t allow it; these tiresome people are just trying to make a living and it’s a thankless job at the best of times because the Hub isn’t the only person who speaks Anglo-Saxon.  He suddenly started giggling to himself and wrote something that no-one could object to.  When the inevitable knock came he passed it through the letterbox.  The salesman didn’t get a sale from us but he did walk away laughing at the Hub’s note: Have you got my wooden leg?  

I liked it so much that I have decided to keep a selection of notes ready for future callers.  Any suggestions?