Archive | 11:13

A Woman Needs A Fish Like A Man Needs A Bicycle

21 Aug

Viv is one lazy goldfish.  The Hub says she’s the kind of fish who takes a note into school each week to avoid swimming lessons.  She sits in a corner of the tank and even lies on the gravel and doesn’t move all day; unless there’s food going, in which case she’s Speedy Gongoldfish and the others better not get in her way.  She’s the smallest but the fiestiest.

I thought she was sick; I thought she was so sick she was going to die – which was the moment I realised that naming pets after living friends is not a great idea: imagine poor Vivinfrance’s shock if she reads of her demise on my blog. 

I’m thinking of changing my fish’s name, but she looks like a Viv.  And how would I go about it?  What’s the equivalent of the human deed poll?  A fish stick?  Owwww.  I’m cringing even as I write it.  Fortunately, my non-Yankophile readers won’t get it.  And maybe some of my American and Yankophile readers as well, if the reaction to the marshmallow joke is anything to go by.

I think I’ll just go lie on the floor and wait for someone to feed me.



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