Sorry, Miss; The Dog Ate My Will To Live

Umm, I was going to slot in a You Tube video of scary music here but it worked so well I’m too freaked out to use it.  Just say Dum-dum-derrrrrr! to yourself instead.

Today is a scary day: it’s school uniform shopping day.  I loathe school uniform shopping day: schlepping around from store to store in pursuit of black and white clothes and a blazer with a bright yellow trim, arguing sotto voce with the Hub about nothing in particular, and certainly nothing school uniform-related.  The only thing that makes the day even a little bearable is that we don’t have to pay for it: Spud receives a generous uniform allowance as part of his bursary so we get to spend spend spend and send send send the receipts to school to claim it back.

I don’t like shopping for it but I do like a school uniform; it’s a great leveller.  No-one knows your circumstances (unless they see you arriving in your little Citroen from their Maseratis), and everyone looks smart.   Also, if you are attacked by the students wearing them, it’s easier to identify the culprits if you know which school they are from.  You think I’m joking but I’m not: a girl from a local school hurled abuse at the Hub one day as he was waiting in the car for her to cross the road; he knew her uniform and was able to complain to the school; they tracked her down; and she sent a letter of apology to him.

Think of me out there today, cast adrift on a sea of striped ties and grey socks with only a grumpy Hub and a bored teenager for company.  I could be doing something interesting, like cleaning.

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Pointless Headline Of The Day: Pop star due in court on drugs rap.