How To Look Like A Hard-Working Housewife While Hardly Working At All

15 Sep
Reinigen van suède schoenen / Cleaning suede shoes

Image by Nationaal Archief via Flickr


Some not-actually-cleaning tips for you: 

  • Throw a throw over the couch, chairs, toy box in the corner; you’ll look both clean and as if you have interior design aspirations
  • Leave the vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room; if anyone asks/visits, you were just about to use it
  • No shoes allowed in the house.  No shoes = no dirt = no need to leave the vacuum cleaner cluttering up the lounge
  • If you are expecting guests and can’t be bothered to dust, spray some air freshener and visitors will think you just did
  • If you must dust, laddered tights and socks make excellent cloths; to save time and laundry, dust while you’re wearing them and then throw straight into the bin
  • Women: don’t get married.  According to many studies, once women marry they do twice the amount of housework as their spouses
  • Men: get married (see previous point)
  • Wear the same clothes every day; eventually they will walk off by themselves, giving you an excuse to buy something new
  • Hang creased clothing in the bathroom/shower room; the steam will help remove the creases
  • Wear only nylon – no ironing, plus the excitement/terror of knowing you could be shocked at any time of the day or night
  • Lower your standards; answer all complaints with Studies have proved that exposing children to germs reduces the risk of asthma and similar conditions;  are you trying to turn me into a bad mother?
  • If you can afford it, pay someone else to do it and stifle your left-leaning guilt: you have just created a job in a world-wide recession
  • Only tidy the room you use.  Once all rooms in your home have been used, move

If you have any tips of your own I’d love to hear them. 

On the subject of cleaning, I took possession of a real eBay bargain yesterday:  £2.50 for a mop, bucket, brush, dustpan and brush, cloths & scrubbing brush.  I don’t know when I’ll ever use them, but it’s nice to have them in the house.  






















10 Responses to “How To Look Like A Hard-Working Housewife While Hardly Working At All”

  1. vivinfrance September 15, 2010 at 14:05 #

    Nice one, Tilly.
    I draw the line at wearing nylon – or any other unadulterated man-made fabric – they stink after half an hour.
    But I don’t iron very much either – just enough to avoid out-and-out disgrace.
    My sister-in-law irons EVERYTHING, socks, pants, t-towels and so ad infinitum. When I stayed with her, I felt honour bound to offer help, and ended up trying to iron to her standards and wondering “what’s the point”? Ten minutes in a clean-sheets-etc-bed and it looks just the same as before you ironed everything.


    • tillybud September 16, 2010 at 10:50 #

      I am selective about what I iron – sheets, definitely not; pillowcases, yes. The front of anything I only wear in the house.


  2. slpmartin September 15, 2010 at 14:29 #

    What an early morning pleasure to read these tips for avoiding and cleaning one’s flat.


  3. Matthew C September 15, 2010 at 19:01 #

    Not allowing shoes in the house makes a lot of sense.

    I have an whole blog about removing shoes in homes: Shoes Off at the Door, Please You might like to take a look.


    • tillybud September 16, 2010 at 10:51 #

      I did take a look and it’s an interesting concept on which to base a blog. Thanks for your visit here.


  4. rebecca September 16, 2010 at 03:15 #

    Always, enjoy your posts. As for cleaning, well, I get my kids to do it with my famous line. “What have you done for me today.”


  5. Deborah September 16, 2010 at 12:12 #

    You’re a delight, they ought to have your blog on prescription, just so funny I loved it!


    • tillybud September 16, 2010 at 17:53 #

      Spread the word and maybe they will 🙂


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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