How To Look Like A Hard-Working Housewife While Hardly Working At All

Image by Nationaal Archief via Flickr

 

Some not-actually-cleaning tips for you: 

• Throw a throw over the couch, chairs, toy box in the corner; you’ll look both clean and as if you have interior design aspirations
• Leave the vacuum cleaner in the middle of the room; if anyone asks/visits, you were just about to use it
• No shoes allowed in the house.  No shoes = no dirt = no need to leave the vacuum cleaner cluttering up the lounge
• If you are expecting guests and can’t be bothered to dust, spray some air freshener and visitors will think you just did
• If you must dust, laddered tights and socks make excellent cloths; to save time and laundry, dust while you’re wearing them and then throw straight into the bin
• Women: don’t get married.  According to many studies, once women marry they do twice the amount of housework as their spouses
• Men: get married (see previous point)
• Wear the same clothes every day; eventually they will walk off by themselves, giving you an excuse to buy something new
• Hang creased clothing in the bathroom/shower room; the steam will help remove the creases
• Wear only nylon – no ironing, plus the excitement/terror of knowing you could be shocked at any time of the day or night
• Lower your standards; answer all complaints with Studies have proved that exposing children to germs reduces the risk of asthma and similar conditions;  are you trying to turn me into a bad mother?
• If you can afford it, pay someone else to do it and stifle your left-leaning guilt: you have just created a job in a world-wide recession
• Only tidy the room you use.  Once all rooms in your home have been used, move

If you have any tips of your own I’d love to hear them. 

On the subject of cleaning, I took possession of a real eBay bargain yesterday:  £2.50 for a mop, bucket, brush, dustpan and brush, cloths & scrubbing brush.  I don’t know when I’ll ever use them, but it’s nice to have them in the house.