And The Award For Greediest Retailer Goes To…

1 Oct
Tesco shopping trolley shelter

Image via Wikipedia

 

…Tesco, for showing the first Christmas advert (toys).  Every little helps the largest supermarket in the country fill its overflowing pockets.  The advert tells us that Christmas has come early this year; they’re not kidding: in Morrisons, Christmas decorations have been stacked next to Halloween goodies (or baddies?) for half of September.  Don’t get me wrong – I love Christmas and the run-up to it; but it would be nice if it started on December 1st instead of October 1st.  It’s like getting nine boxes of Maltesers for your birthday: you can have too much of a good thing.  

<Short pause while I recover from my hysterical laughter>  

*  

Malteser Watch, Day 2  

The Laughing Housewife is now in possession of ten boxes, her Blonde Friend having made an afternoon birthday visit.    

Make that eight boxes, TLH & HBF having got stuck into the wine.  

*  

The kitchen is coming along.  Work has halted for a few days but the tiling will be done next week.  The story so far:  

   BEFORE  

  

  

  

BEFORE THE AFTER  

  

  

The fitters told me we have one of the biggest kitchens on the estate.  We appear to have been lucky in having a sympathetic designer.  The long counter, according to the fitters, is the longest they’ve put in on the estate (they had to take out the window to get it in the house).  I have a small under-counter freezer that will go where those bags on the right are now, and the designer must have been in a good mood because he gave me the extra bit to cover it; the counter should have stopped at the end cupboard.  He also gave me a bin space: the counter should have stopped at the washing machine.  My fridgefreezer will go where the butcher’s trolley is now.  

*  

The Big Tent prompt this week was to step outside and do something different, then write about it.  This wasn’t a week where I could do that, so I am sharing a pair of poems I wrote for my OU Creative Writing course, back in 2006.  They are technically still within the parameters of the prompt, because they are about two people doing something they wouldn’t normally do.  They tell the same story from the perspective of both participants. 

A Cardinal Sin 

I’m sick of being a one-man band;
Tired of playing the solo hand;
Self-confidence flagging;
Can’t go around begging.
I feel like a walking gland.
 

A mate of mine gave me a card.
‘Every man deserves a reward.
No sense feeling fearful;
They’re discreet and cheerful.
It’s time to let down your guard.’
 

He reckoned I would have a ball.
Desperate, I gave them a call.
Got to be worth a crack.
She’ll be good in the sack…
…She’s standing out in the hall.
 

Nervous, I invite her in.
Cash up front so we can begin.
We soon get down to it
But I know I blew it,
Aware that this is a sin.
 

In no danger of a rebuff,
But I still blushed; this step is tough.
The girl’s foreign body
Left me feeling shoddy.
Perhaps I was a bit rough.
 

Got out of her fast as I could.
Shudder to think it wasn’t good.
She said I was a stud
But I know I’m a dud.
Why did I join the priesthood?
 

* 

Prostituted  

The Man
invites me
in.
 

Devils dance inside of me.
Mere vacillation…
Impelled,
I breach my barricade.
 

Invasion.
Submission.
Profession.
 

Perdition. 

  

   

  

20 Responses to “And The Award For Greediest Retailer Goes To…”

  1. Mary October 1, 2010 at 10:20 #

    Well, I must say these two poems opened MY eyes this morning. Each written in such different styles, but very effectively done! Thanks for the share.

    Like

  2. gautami tripathy October 1, 2010 at 13:23 #

    Pleasure to read your post! A treat!

    Here is my Haibun in 55 words!

    Like

  3. ladynimue October 1, 2010 at 14:03 #

    i loved the second poem a lot !!

    Like

  4. Diane T October 1, 2010 at 14:06 #

    Shocking poems… and from two different viewpoints. So distressing. Thank you for sharing.

    Like

  5. pamela October 1, 2010 at 15:35 #

    Tilly I love these two poems. The last line in the first poem is excellent.
    Pamela

    Like

  6. Jeeves October 1, 2010 at 16:56 #

    Lovely poems and post

    Like

  7. derrick2 October 1, 2010 at 16:57 #

    That was definitely something different! I get a suggestion that the length of the poems imply that the man had to build up to it, whereas for the woman it was brief and businesslike – even her acceptance of her inevitable destiny.

    Like

  8. Tumblewords October 1, 2010 at 18:03 #

    Well done – the journey(s) and the remodel! 🙂

    Like

  9. Victoria Hendricks October 1, 2010 at 18:28 #

    Painful poems – and I just realized that it is because both voices step outside not just their comfort zones but their values, and respect themselves less after their act together. You did a super jpb of keeping the viewpoints and voices discreet – no possibility of confusion here! And I agree with Derrick that the length of each poem fits the voice and the process involved for each participant.

    Like

  10. Linda October 1, 2010 at 20:50 #

    A real expert use of voice to give these poems a real feel.

    Like

  11. slpmartin October 2, 2010 at 04:58 #

    Since I’m late reading everything today…these I did not read until late at night…very different style and topic for you …very well penned.

    Like

  12. Sally Hutt October 2, 2010 at 07:12 #

    ViV on Sally’s computer:

    You must be queen of last line writing – they always bring us up short! I’ve seen the second one before, but the first one – WoW – how did your tutor take that?

    Like

    • Tilly Bud October 3, 2010 at 13:10 #

      He had no problem with it; I think he quite enjoyed it because he gave me a distinction.

      Like

  13. Cynthia Short October 2, 2010 at 16:01 #

    I admire how you really opened up and put yourself into your pieces…cathartic, isn’t it?

    Like

  14. Dick October 3, 2010 at 11:10 #

    I like the second poem very much – neat, concise with sparse structure reflecting theme so well.

    Our local Waitrose had an entire shelf of posh Yuletide goodies out on September 28th. Sickening.

    Like

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I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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