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Keep Taking The Pills

14 Dec
Orange skin?

The Hub’s huge bag of medication was delivered on Friday. I was touched to find a Christmas card inside, addressed to both of us: the Hub uses the stuff but I’m the contact.

On Monday he left out his empty pill boxes for me to fill, as usual. It’s a laborious task but requires concentration if I am not to accidentally overdose him. The Lansoprozole for his hernia probably wouldn’t do much damage in a double dose but too many painkillers might kill more than the pain. I have to concentrate all the harder since he was diagnosed with two new conditions and given more pills for those but taken off others causing problems.

He is also taking cod liver oil pills of his own volition, in the hope of easing his creaking joints. That reminds me of the story I once heard about the man who wanted to kill himself when his girlfriend dumped him and all he had in the house was a bottle of Haliborange (vitamin C supplements). He downed them anyway and was hospitalised with temporary full-body paralysis and bright orange skin.

Did you know eating a lot of carrots will turn you orange? Likewise an addiction to spray tan.

As I opened the boxes I discovered that one of each pill was missing; it was obvious they had been tampered with. I was concerned, so I rang the pharmacist. She was concerned also. The Hub was concerned at my lack of common sense: he walked in as I was on the phone and interrupted me to ask if it had it not occurred to me to ask him if he had forgotten to let me know – as he often does – that his pill organizers were empty, so he had helped himself from the bag? Um, no. Luckily, the pharmacist was just relieved to find I was a moron. Bet she wishes she’d saved her card for someone less likely to make false accusations against her staff.

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