It’s Raining In Stockport, And I’ve Got The Red Eye To Prove It

12 Jan
Reflection in a soap bubble.

Image via Wikipedia

I met a friend at a little café in Stockport for breakfast this morning – £1.60 for tea, and two free slices of toast if you order before ten a.m.  It was worth going out for.  It’s always worth going out for free food.  I won’t mention the outrageous bus fare: £1.60 there, and another £1.60 back, but with no toast thrown in.  That was topped by a thirty-minute wait at a wet bus stop because the traffic was horrendous.

I had my umbrella, of course: what self-respecting Brit woman doesn’t?  Not self-respecting Brit men, though.  British men don’t do umbrellas except in movies with bowler hats.  They prefer to get wet.  They may die of pneumonia brought on by a thorough soaking, but at least they die like men.  Or, to give them their correct title, stupid men.

My umbrella is one of those see-through plastic ones the Queen made popular in the Seventies so that she and the Great Wet British Public could see each other on walkabouts.

(You know, I’ve always considered the Hub with his airline mania to be a real geek, but at least he doesn’t subscribe to ‘Umbrella World’)

My umbrella.  Eye, there’s the rub.  I used it yesterday and left it to dry in the downstairs toilet, propped in a corner under the bottle of liquid soap.  On the way to the bus stop this morning I was pleasantly surprised to see the pounding rain pound pretty soap bubbles off its surface, obviously a result of having a clean family who always wash their hands after a comfort break.  I was just admiring a huge one that sneaked under the brolly with me (bubble, not family; it’s only a small umbrella), when it popped, squirting soap shrapnel into my eye.  I was so startled (and in pain), I stepped back, slipped off the pavement, and into a large and dirty puddle.

How I wish I had a dirty family.  If no-one washed their hands after a comfort break, I would be eye-less-in-gauze, err, and not nursing foot rot.*

*I confess, none of that last line is true.  My real medical problem is hyperboleitis.**

**Defined in Tilly’s Dictionary of Made-Up Words as an inability to blog without exaggerating for comic effect. 

Can you forgive me?***

***You have to; I’m racked with guilt and heaving great wracking sobs as I type.****

****Okay, I’ve got a snotty nose from walking in the rain.*****

*****This could go on forever, you know.

18 Responses to “It’s Raining In Stockport, And I’ve Got The Red Eye To Prove It”

  1. kolembo January 12, 2011 at 16:49 #

    Haha! What a lovely little post, thanks!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 13, 2011 at 09:51 #

      Thank you; and thanks for stopping by. 🙂

      Like

  2. slpmartin January 12, 2011 at 17:08 #

    Ah…you’ve got me smiling this morning…thanks!

    Like

  3. gigihawaii January 12, 2011 at 17:38 #

    What slays me about that pic of the Queen is her horrendous hat!!! I wouldn’t be caught dead in that. hahaha!!!

    It’s raining cats and dogs in Honolulu right now. We have been warned of flash floods. However, they say it should clear up by Saturday.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 13, 2011 at 09:52 #

      It seems to be raining everywhere at the moment: poor Australia. Hope you stay safe from flash flooding.

      Like

  4. alienhippy January 12, 2011 at 18:19 #

    You do make me laugh…we do have quite a few stupid men, you’d think with the amount of rain we get they’d wise up really wouldn’t you!
    Thanks for the giggle. xx 🙂

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 13, 2011 at 09:53 #

      😀 And stupid women – look at Newcastle girls on a Saturday night.

      Like

  5. vivinfrance January 12, 2011 at 22:13 #

    But you’ve got it backwards, Tilly – Jock puts up an umbrella at the slightest drip, and I can’t bear the things. I’m so short that any umbrella I carried would poke hordes of people in the eye. I can’t stand hoods either: they blinker my vision, whereas Jock will put up an anorak hood even under a brolly!

    It’s rained all day here, too.
    V

    Like

    • vivinfrance January 12, 2011 at 22:14 #

      PS Did you know that skin is more or less waterproof?

      Like

    • Tilly Bud January 13, 2011 at 09:53 #

      Now there’s a man I can get along with 🙂

      I didn’t know that, but it makes sense or we’d all be walking flasks.

      Like

  6. earlybird January 13, 2011 at 08:03 #

    thanks for making me smile this morning

    Like

  7. vivinfrance January 13, 2011 at 10:36 #

    Tilly, you were my 1000th over on my ranting blog – which is not bad considering how little I post there! You probably account for at least 900 of those visits!

    http://vivnada.wordpress.com

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 14, 2011 at 11:26 #

      Always glad to be of service 🙂 Congratulations! I haven’t hit 1000 on SApoems yet.

      Like

  8. Chloe January 16, 2011 at 03:44 #

    This post put a big smile on my face – thank you!!

    How funny would it be if we got toast thrown in with the bus journey…probably thrown AT US more like, but still, it might increase people’s use of public transport 😀 xx

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 17, 2011 at 10:33 #

      There must be a sitcom in that 🙂

      Like

      • Chloe January 17, 2011 at 16:30 #

        I agree…might even start writing it now… 😉 xx

        Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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