No Comment

18 Feb
lock

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Reading the comments yesterday, I was reminded of myself.

In my second year of study, new text books arrived from the Open University. The courier was broad Scouse and obviously an Everton fan because he gestured to our car (the Hub has Manchester City pennants in the rear window) and said, ‘A Light Blue, I see.’  Puzzled, I replied, ‘No, it’s dark green.’

Our relationship went downhill from there.  It was obvious he believed a university education was wasted on me.  I should be a professional witness instead.

Then there’s my paranoia that the Government spies on me (the Labour Government, obviously; the Tories are on my side and governments never spy on their own side).  We have an outside bin cupboard where we stored our rubbish and paper for recycling.  I kept a lock on it so that no-one could access it, find an old receipt and know that I spent half my income on Maltesers (and new trousers) (half my income on Maltesers refers).

It was a combination lock and I was always careful not to think the combination as I unlocked it, in case the government read my mind and discovered it.  There were several years of chanting ‘Hickory Dickory Dock’ to mask my thoughts every time I took out a bag of egg shells before it occurred to me that if the Government had the technology to read my mind, then they could probably sort out a cheap combination lock with their collective eyes closed.

I bet you’re thinking round about now that instead of a professional witness I should be a professional idiot.  I never fancied a career in politics, however: I think they spy on people.

Hello? 

Where’d everyone go?

20 Responses to “No Comment”

  1. earlybird February 18, 2011 at 09:07 #

    you’re sure about that, are you? that governments don’t spy on their own side?

    Like

    • Tilly Bud February 18, 2011 at 09:11 #

      Oh dear! If you didn’t pick up the joke (the whole point of italics) then the men in white suits really will be coming to get me.

      Are you working for the government? You commented on that post awfully fast.

      Like

      • earlybird February 18, 2011 at 23:14 #

        frighteningly fast even?

        Like

  2. vivinfrance February 18, 2011 at 09:50 #

    Um? I daren’t comment now!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud February 18, 2011 at 10:29 #

      Daren’t comment?

      Help! Help! The Government have taken my Viv!

      Like

  3. vivinfrance February 18, 2011 at 10:48 #

    government is singular, even when it’s divided like the coalition.

    Like

  4. granny1947 February 18, 2011 at 13:40 #

    Hehehe….paranoia reigns supreme.

    Like

  5. Cindy February 18, 2011 at 16:31 #

    *buttons lip*

    Like

  6. nrhatch February 18, 2011 at 16:37 #

    It is lovely to see you taking such care with your rubbish ~ so many these days just idly toss it about.

    And, too, the government reads our minds while we sleep and then puts our dreams into action which is why everything is such a mixed up muddled up mess these days.

    Pass me the Maltesers! Make it a double. On the double.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud February 19, 2011 at 12:19 #

      I thought I was safe when I was unconscious! I know the rest of the world is.

      Like

  7. slpmartin February 18, 2011 at 17:49 #

    Ah..you got me laughing again my friend.;-)

    Like

  8. alienhippy February 19, 2011 at 22:48 #

    Tilly tell me, are you being serious about this?
    I can’t tell, I have Aspergers remember!
    The experts all tell us we Aspies have no imagination and take everything literally.
    So I ask again, are you being serious, my dear???
    Love and hugs.
    Lisa. xx 🙂

    Like

    • Tilly Bud February 21, 2011 at 11:38 #

      If I say ‘yes’ they will take me away and I won’t be able to write nevernomore; but if I say ‘no’ I might be lying and that’s not good.

      I’ll have to plead the fifth on this one (and then move to America to make it of any use).

      [whisper]check your inbox

      Like

  9. Mike Patrick February 20, 2011 at 19:24 #

    Okay, I finally had to look up Malteasers. Never heard of them, and I thought they might be some sort of malt liquor. I was thinking your were an alcoholic. Imagine my chagrin when I found out you’re a chocaholic. Guess we won’t be sidling up to the bar together anytime soon.

    I love your writing. You are such a bright spot on these gloomy days.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud February 21, 2011 at 11:39 #

      I’m blushing, and not just from my secret liquor intake.

      Thank you 🙂

      Like

  10. sunshineinlondon February 21, 2011 at 09:25 #

    I sometimes worry that if I put the wrong things into the recycling I might get an ASBO.
    I’m not paranoid, just diligent. 🙂
    Sunshine xx

    Like

    • Tilly Bud February 21, 2011 at 11:39 #

      The trouble is, the diligent are punished and the couldn’tcareless get away with it. But it’s better to be diligent.

      Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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