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What part of life confuses you the most?

It has to be cooking.  For someone who likes to eat so much (you may take that in every sense of the phrase possible), I don’t like cooking. 

Menus are complicated – and show me one that requires n ml of flour and I run crying to the Hub, beating myself around the head with a ladle.  How can a dry ingredient be weighed as a wet one? 

While I’m on the subject, how much is a teaspoon?  I have [hang on a minute; just going to count them] thirteen varieties of teaspoon and each one is a different size and shape to the rest: do I use a large, medium or small one to add my vanilla essence?  If I don’t crush the garlic will it matter?  How can I know that a soupcon should have a tail on the ‘c’ but not how much it actually is?  Will all the snot and tears that accompany the preparation of each meal in this house affect the taste?  How much butter is too much on a slice of bread if you want it to be both healthy and tasty?  How can you tell when something’s thoroughly cooked unless you burn it?

Then there’s the oven: my last stove was a category C and it took two hours to bake fairy cakes in it.  My new one is a fan oven and all of my fairy cakes so far have had to be recycled as fish tank gravel.

Cooking: what’s that about?

Nursery Rhymes For Modern Times

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I was at my writing group yesterday and the prompt was to freewrite using the first line of a nursery rhyme.  The first one here was one I wrote some years ago and it popped into my head straightaway, so I decided to write more of the same.

I apologise now for the second one; I think the whole incident was tragic, but I have a streak of black humour and sometimes I can’t help myself.

 

Mary, Mary
Quite contrary
Hide the milk
She don’t do dairy

If wishes were horses
Beggars would ride
If horses wear shoes
They’re electrified

Ding dong dell
Pussy’s in the well
There’s been no water for many a year
So that explains the smell

Sing a song of sixpence
A pocket full of cash
Is a rare, forgotten thing
Since the economy crashed

 

If you’ve got any of your own, please share them.