Archive | March, 2011

Write Left Write Left

31 Mar
Retro Video Game Cupcake Tower

Image by clevercupcakes via Flickr

I am typingb  this with my left habd (slowly).  Yesterday my right arm started to ache, from wrist to elbow.  I did do almosr ten minutes of ironng after spending all morning playing Junglr Bubble, anf I texkon that’s what caused the problem.  Today, it feels like someonr is tightening the sinews.

What this means is I won’t be abke to blog properly for a few days.  Luckily, I haver quite a few drafts prepared (I ,may make fun of the Word  press prompter but I know good advice when i hear it).  I will still read your posts byt I’ll be hitting rhe ‘like’ buttob a lot, againb.

Apologies for the interruptiob.

Joke 7

31 Mar

A man walking down the street noticed a small boy trying to reach the doorbell of a house. Even when he jumped up, he couldn’t quite reach it.  The man decided to help the boy, walked up on to the porch and pushed the doorbell. He looked down at the boy, smiled and asked, “What now?”

The boy answered, “Now we run like crazy!”

 

Joke 6

30 Mar

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.

The Lord says to the cat, “You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know.”

The cat thinks for a moment and says, “Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.”

The Lord stops the cat and says, “Say no more,” and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven.

Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.

The mice answer, “All our lives we have been chased.

We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms.

Running, running, running; we’re tired of running.

Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don’t have to run anymore?”

The Lord says, “Say no more” and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

Weeks later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.

The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, “How are things since you got here?”

The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, “It is wonderful here.

Better than I could have ever expected. And those ‘Meals On Wheels’ you’ve been sending by are the best!”

 

Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane? No, It’s A Couple Of, Um, Cows

30 Mar

I follow a blog called Every day I see a cow.  The blogger’s husband took this photo of a billboard that made me laugh out loud.  I just had to share it.

Chick-fil-A billboard with hanging cows

You might like to take a look: the blogger posts a photograph of the cows she sees every day.  I’ve started looking for cows in my life but I hardly ever see one.  I don’t think I get out enough.

Can you imagine the conversation that led to this happening?

Bill: Daisy, Daisy, I’m half crazy for love of you!

Daisy:  Bill, I’m bored.

B: I have an idea…I think it will make you love me and encourage you to make me an honest burgher.  Plus, we can get our revenge on Henny Penny and the gang for that prank the other day when they said the sky was falling.  Remember?  I evacuated my bowels right there in the field.  I was so embarrassed.  It was worse than the time I got caught in the corn by that blue kid.

D: Bill, I’m bored.  And stop talking about poo!  You sound like a Laughing Housewife post.  That woman is so vulgar.

B:  No, listen, listen…All we need is some paint, a huge sign, a ladder and opposable thumbs.  Easy!

D:  …Well, I suppose it’s not impossible; after all, you are the cow who jumped over the moon.  You’re a celebrity!  The worst that can happen is a crumpled horn and a stint in the Big House.

B: The Big House?

D: Jack’s place.

B: Gulp.  Sure…erm, maybe it’s not such a good idea.  To be honest, I’m shaking a little.  And it’s almost milking time.

D: So the whole I-love-you-and-it’s-not-just-calf-love thing was a load of bull, then?

B:  No, no!  I love you!  Marry me!  It won’t be a stylish marriage because I can’t afford a carriage but you’ll look sweet dangling feet on a huge billboard made for two!

 

Back To Me

30 Mar

I’ve been so busy boasting about my handy Hub that I haven’t told you what I’ve been doing lately.  Not much, as it happens.  Guess this is going to be a short post. 

I have been enjoying my walks with the dogs more than usual, as the weather is so nice (one day last week I didn’t have to put the heat on even once).  I tried a new route: down the main road; turn left and left again at the pyramid; up the Pennine Trail that runs along the Mersey River; over the footbridge; past the abandoned tyres; up the hill; over the pedestrian crossing, at which a car on one side will stop for me but not on the other, so it’s a choice of sprint with the dogs flying behind me on the lead or irritate the kind driver.  I have excellent manners so it tends to be sprint and dodge.  That brings me full circle home in just under an hour.

The walk along the river is lovely.  However, the route is not accessible to traffic so there are no dog poo bins because they can’t be emptied.  I had to carry three bags with me: for little dogs they sure do poop a lot.  And Toby’s is just weird – I counted five colours in one plop.

Still, a gentle stroll with the sun on my face and only three layers of clothing, watching the shopping carts float downstream and the plastic bags, trapped in the trees and flapping in the breeze, is a pleasant way to while away the day.  I never felt more like swinging the poos.

Joke 5

29 Mar

Son: Dad, would you do my maths homework for me?

Dad: No, son, it wouldn’t be right.

Son: Well, at least you could try.

 

Ahem…I Saved The Best For Last

29 Mar

This is my favourite of all the costumes the Hub has made. 

Spud’s school was celebrating its ninetieth birthday and each year was given a decade; Spud’s was the Seventies.  Everyone else came as a glam rocker but the Hub was into Punk in the Seventies.  To really see the effect, enlarge the photos by clicking on them.

Some More, As You Seam To Like Them

29 Mar
The Hub got a bit carried away making an Easter Bonnet

 

For King and Classroom

 

A teenager who didn't get a lie-in

VE Day 1945

 

You’re gunna like this one

A Lost Boy

All Fired Up

28 Mar

What’s the most on fire you’ve ever been? Figuratively, literally, whatever.

I think that question is a little inflammatory.  If you insist on an answer, I would have to say a third.

Sew What? He Can’t Spell Like I Can

28 Mar

Spud as Grabber Dan (top, second right).

 

Halloween.

Sikh and ye shall find.

Ironically, one of the Hub’s favourites of all the costumes he’s made over the years.

You know who...

O, be one…

I’ve got more but I don’t want to spoil you.

Joke 4

28 Mar

The Hub sat down and stared hard at our marriage certificate.  After a long time I asked, ‘What are you looking for?’  He replied, ‘The expiration date.’

Weekly Photo Challenge: Ocean

27 Mar

The Hub is a bit of a girl: he taught me to cook when we got married.  The first meal I ever made for him was burnt pasty and chips.  A great deal of burnt slop followed before I got the hang of it.

He can also sew, which brings me in a roundabout way to the prompt: he makes fabulous costumes.  It’s all bits lying around the house, imagination and sewing machines.  This one is Spud as a pirate (what do you mean, it’s a tenuous link at best?  Pirates sail on the ocean – just ask the Somalians):

 

 He made so many great costumes when Spud was in primary school that mothers would ask me where we bought them; when they discovered they were handmade, they would ask if he took commissions (for their dancing children).  Pity he was too ill, or being a bit of a girl would have paid off.  Instead, all he has is a mocking wife. 

But he’s generous, too.  Out of the blue the other day, he said to me, ‘Fancy a cruise to Somalia?’

Joke 3

27 Mar
Different ways of wearing a balaclava.

Image via Wikipedia

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.  ‘Give me your money,’ he demanded. Indignant, the affluent man replied, ‘You can’t do this – I am a United States congressman!’  ‘In that case,’ said the mugger, ‘Give me MY money.’

Wilde Bus

26 Mar
Abandoned school bus - cartooned

Image by gorbould via Flickr

 

Describe the biggest risk you’ve ever taken (and what happened).

Making fun of the WordPress prompter.  I haven’t been booted out of my blog yet; but give it time.

7

Write about the biggest secret you failed to keep.

I refer you to my post of 13 Feb.  Oscar Wilde knew me well.

p

What non-exercise activity do you wish would keep you fit?

You all think I’m going to say ‘Eating Maltesers,’ don’t you?  Guess again.  And keep guessing until I hear something I like, then I’ll use that one.

p

What is the strangest thing that’s ever happened to you on a bus?

The driver was pleasant.  Read all about it here.  And take note of how my blogging has improved.

p

Go to your drafts folder and finish an old post.

What do you think this is?

l

Joke 2

26 Mar

After the christening of his baby brother in church, a boy sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.  His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally, the boy replied, ‘That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home, but I want to stay with you guys.’

 

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