Archive | 17:53

Joke 6

30 Mar

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord Himself.

The Lord says to the cat, “You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know.”

The cat thinks for a moment and says, “Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor.”

The Lord stops the cat and says, “Say no more,” and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven.

Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer.

The mice answer, “All our lives we have been chased.

We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms.

Running, running, running; we’re tired of running.

Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don’t have to run anymore?”

The Lord says, “Say no more” and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

Weeks later, the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow.

The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, “How are things since you got here?”

The cat stretches and yawns, then replies, “It is wonderful here.

Better than I could have ever expected. And those ‘Meals On Wheels’ you’ve been sending by are the best!”

 

Is It A Bird? Is It A Plane? No, It’s A Couple Of, Um, Cows

30 Mar

I follow a blog called Every day I see a cow.  The blogger’s husband took this photo of a billboard that made me laugh out loud.  I just had to share it.

Chick-fil-A billboard with hanging cows

You might like to take a look: the blogger posts a photograph of the cows she sees every day.  I’ve started looking for cows in my life but I hardly ever see one.  I don’t think I get out enough.

Can you imagine the conversation that led to this happening?

Bill: Daisy, Daisy, I’m half crazy for love of you!

Daisy:  Bill, I’m bored.

B: I have an idea…I think it will make you love me and encourage you to make me an honest burgher.  Plus, we can get our revenge on Henny Penny and the gang for that prank the other day when they said the sky was falling.  Remember?  I evacuated my bowels right there in the field.  I was so embarrassed.  It was worse than the time I got caught in the corn by that blue kid.

D: Bill, I’m bored.  And stop talking about poo!  You sound like a Laughing Housewife post.  That woman is so vulgar.

B:  No, listen, listen…All we need is some paint, a huge sign, a ladder and opposable thumbs.  Easy!

D:  …Well, I suppose it’s not impossible; after all, you are the cow who jumped over the moon.  You’re a celebrity!  The worst that can happen is a crumpled horn and a stint in the Big House.

B: The Big House?

D: Jack’s place.

B: Gulp.  Sure…erm, maybe it’s not such a good idea.  To be honest, I’m shaking a little.  And it’s almost milking time.

D: So the whole I-love-you-and-it’s-not-just-calf-love thing was a load of bull, then?

B:  No, no!  I love you!  Marry me!  It won’t be a stylish marriage because I can’t afford a carriage but you’ll look sweet dangling feet on a huge billboard made for two!

 

Back To Me

30 Mar

I’ve been so busy boasting about my handy Hub that I haven’t told you what I’ve been doing lately.  Not much, as it happens.  Guess this is going to be a short post. 

I have been enjoying my walks with the dogs more than usual, as the weather is so nice (one day last week I didn’t have to put the heat on even once).  I tried a new route: down the main road; turn left and left again at the pyramid; up the Pennine Trail that runs along the Mersey River; over the footbridge; past the abandoned tyres; up the hill; over the pedestrian crossing, at which a car on one side will stop for me but not on the other, so it’s a choice of sprint with the dogs flying behind me on the lead or irritate the kind driver.  I have excellent manners so it tends to be sprint and dodge.  That brings me full circle home in just under an hour.

The walk along the river is lovely.  However, the route is not accessible to traffic so there are no dog poo bins because they can’t be emptied.  I had to carry three bags with me: for little dogs they sure do poop a lot.  And Toby’s is just weird – I counted five colours in one plop.

Still, a gentle stroll with the sun on my face and only three layers of clothing, watching the shopping carts float downstream and the plastic bags, trapped in the trees and flapping in the breeze, is a pleasant way to while away the day.  I never felt more like swinging the poos.

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