Poll Asked

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The result of the number poll is sort of in.  It’s a case of, whatever [strike hand attitude].

• 30% Stop writing them now; they suck.
• 24% I’m wonderful and they’re crazy.
• 6%   Should get out now, while they still can.
• 9%   Don’t do maths in America.
• 18% Are addicted to this blog.
• 12% Couldn’t say.

I hope that’s as clear to everyone as it is to me.  Now, could somebody please explain it?

Fattily Ever After

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If you knew you were going to live forever, what would change?

I’d have to go on a diet.  At my rate of expansion they’re going to need a square coffin when I expire.  If I live forever like this, I’ll be borrowing Jabba the Hutt’s clothes at some point, and lizard skin is so last season.

Maybe they shouldn’t bury me – we need a new coffee table.  I don’t think I’d smell that bad; no worse than they say I already do, anyway.

Did you hear about that grandmother whose death went unreported for six months because her daughter wanted to claim benefits for her?  The crime was discovered only because a neighbour hadn’t seen the grandmother for ‘some time’ – six months!

I can’t believe anyone, let alone a daughter, could treat, well, anyone, like that.

I hate to say it, but there are a lot of crummy people in this world; it’s a good thing we don’t live forever.

Joke 82

Thanks to Cindy for this one.

A chameleon is sitting on the branch of a tree, puffing happily on a joint.

His friend, a lizard, comes along and says, ‘Hey Charlie, watcha doin’?’

Charlie says, ‘Hiya Larry, just smokin’ my doobie; come and join me?’

So Charlie and Larry pass the afternoon getting stoned.

Eventually Larry is almost dying of thirst and ambles down to the river.  ‘I’m just going to have me a drink of water,’ he tells Charlie.

Down at the river Larry bumps into his friend, a crocodile. Croc says, ‘Wazzup Larry?’

‘Not much Croc, just hangin’ with my mate Charlie, smokin’ us some weed; go and join him, I’ll be up in a while …’

Croc trundles off and gets to the tree. Charlie, seeing movement below, looks down and says ‘Holy smoke, dude, how much water did you drink?!’