The Little House On The Prairie Will Never Be The Same Again

16 Jun
Carrie, Mary, and Laura Ingalls frolic down a ...

Image via Wikipedia

If you’re not a fan of poo, look away now.

I’m watching series 3 of The Little House On The Prairie.  So is the Hub, but I’m only allowed to tell you that if I don’t mention that he loves it.

The Ingalls have a dog called Jack.  An amazing dog, who just helped save Carrie from certain death (death not being a great plot strand in a series aimed at children and soppy Hubs).  Jack is mostly amazing, however, because he never poops.  We never see a squat, a sniff and mooch for the right spot, or a scratch at the door to be let out, quick! before I do it on the pristine floor Ma keeps.   We see the human characters use the outhouse, yet no dog toilet.

I begin to suspect Laura Ingalls never really had a dog – despite the way he warned of the tornado that ruined Pa’s crop – and Michael Landon added him just to keep the Hub watching.

Real dog owners know that real dogs’ lives revolve around poop: when they’re not doing it, they’re filling up to do it later and when they’re not filling up to do it later they’re smelling other dogs’ bottoms to see where it comes from, and other dogs’ poo that irresponsible owners have left on the park for me to stand in.

Not that I needed to go to the park to stand in it this morning: poor Molly seems to have the excremental blues.  She did something that frightened her, and I hope you other dog owners might have an explanation as to why it happened, because I am baffled.

I put the dogs out after their breakfast but, unknown to me, Molly sneaked back in.  Looking out the back door, there were poo blobs (as opposed to proper, steaming piles) dotted all over the garden, which is unusual.  I looked around to find one plop on my rug, and Molly squatting up against the Little House dvd case, obscuring Laura Ingalls.  Talk about defecation of character.

Don’t worry, I didn’t hit her, or even scold her.  It’s not as if she’s my husband.  I’m kissing and cuddling her right now.  It’s not as if she’s my husband.

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26 Responses to “The Little House On The Prairie Will Never Be The Same Again”

  1. vivinfrance June 16, 2011 at 15:29 #

    Too much information but beautifully recounted. I hope Molly is not poorly.

    Like

  2. gigihawaii June 16, 2011 at 16:47 #

    Sheesh! That would have upset me. lol.

    Like

  3. flo June 16, 2011 at 18:05 #

    Molly may have worms or explosive diarrhoea, or maybe she is scared of Michael Landon’s TV wife who looked about 100.
    Or, Molly may have been scared by…
    Nelly Olsen
    Nelly Olsen’s mother
    Nelly Olsen’s brother,
    Laura Ingalls’s little sister’s acting
    The episopes when Mary went blind
    The episodes when Mary grew up and married and got her sight back!
    I could go on, and on, and on.
    Put The Walton’s on for Molly(and Hub) much more civilised!

    Like

    • theonlycin June 17, 2011 at 00:34 #

      too funny 🙂

      Like

    • Tilly Bud June 17, 2011 at 10:33 #

      Plot spoiler!!! Arrgghhh! I haven’t seen it for years and if I saw those episodes, I’ve forgotten. Not worth buying the next series, now. 😦

      We finished series one of The Waltons before starting series three of TLOTP.

      Like

  4. Tinman June 16, 2011 at 19:48 #

    Speaking as a husband can I point out that the Hub didn’t poo on the floor, yet seems to be missing out on the kissing and cuddling.

    No wonder they say we don’t understand women.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud June 17, 2011 at 10:34 #

      The Hub wants to move in with you. Now look what you’ve done!

      Like

  5. Tinman June 16, 2011 at 19:54 #

    Years ago Ireland were playing soccer in some tiny Eastern European country who didn’t have floodlights, so the game kicked off at around one pm.

    As we all gathered in the pub the Little House episode where Mary went blind was on the TV. About five minutes before kick-off we asked for the football to be put on and a choking voice said “no, wait a minute, this is just over.”

    We looked around and one of the old guys who drank at the bar was in floods of tears watching it.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud June 17, 2011 at 10:35 #

      Aaahh!

      I’d tell you off for spoiling the plot but Flo was way ahead of you.

      Like

  6. Pseu June 16, 2011 at 21:54 #

    Intestinal irrigation? Worms? Rectal prolapse?

    I only know about the human digestive tract, so probably not much help.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud June 17, 2011 at 10:36 #

      And I thought my poo knowledge was disgusting 🙂

      Like

  7. kateshrewsday June 16, 2011 at 22:18 #

    My sister calls them ‘doggie flowers’ . Deeply unsettling. especially as her dog eats the girls’ beads and her offerings are studded with little flashes of colour.

    Have you seen Pseu’s poo chart? Loved it. I’ll just pop and get the link….

    Like

    • Tilly Bud June 17, 2011 at 10:37 #

      Great name!

      I heard that the bits that stick to the bottom are called ‘dingleberries’.

      Like

  8. kateshrewsday June 16, 2011 at 22:20 #

    Here it is, courtesy of Wikipedia and arch-researcher Pseu:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_Stool_Scale

    Like

    • Tilly Bud June 17, 2011 at 10:39 #

      Thanks but, eeewww!

      I’m a little concerned that Type 1 looks just like my beloved Maltesers.

      Like

  9. barb19 June 17, 2011 at 05:13 #

    Might be worth a trip to the vet for little Molly.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud June 17, 2011 at 10:40 #

      She seems fine today. I’m keeping an eye on her, though.

      Like

  10. viewfromtheside June 17, 2011 at 06:10 #

    poor Molly, at least you understood that she’s not always like that.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud June 17, 2011 at 10:41 #

      Yes, although she will mess as close to the back door as she can, because she doesn’t like the outside if it’s too cold, too warm, too wet, too windy…

      Like

  11. eof737 June 17, 2011 at 08:37 #

    Take her to a vet dear… It’s a bit strange I must admit… Hope she feels better. 🙂

    Like

    • Tilly Bud June 17, 2011 at 10:43 #

      She is a lot better today. Perhaps she was just off-colour.

      Like

  12. eof737 June 17, 2011 at 08:39 #

    I have gifted three Blog Awards to You! Feel free to post them on your blog and share them.
    Have a Happy Summer! 🙂
    Elizabeth

    Like

    • Tilly Bud June 17, 2011 at 10:45 #

      Thank you, Elizabeth. That’s very nice of you.

      Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Uh-Oh! I’m writing a book! « Reflections From a Cloudy Mirror - June 22, 2011

    […] reminds me, Tilly – The Laughing Housewife, of your post about the absence of bathrooms (or the need for them – and dogs that never poop or pee)) in TV […]

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  2. What’s That Coming Over The Flushing? Is It A Monster? « The Laughing Housewife - July 2, 2011

    […] to the loo last night and I wouldn’t share that information with you normally (rather like dogs on tv, bloggers are never seen going to the bathroom), but I can’t tell you this tale without […]

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I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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