Archive | 11:07

11.7.11 And A Bit Part

11 Jul

Sorry, folks: I know you said I don’t have to write about dates, but I can’t help myself; I have to acknowledge them, at the very least.

I’ve been eleven and I’ve been seven, and I’ve been eleven.  To find out what I was doing at eleven and seven and eleven, go here.

I did other stuff, of course.  One of my favourite things to do was to take the small, square paper bags that 7″ singles came in from John Menzies, and use them for filing bits of paper – a sort of eco filing cabinet.

I was way ahead of my time, but I didn’t have many friends.


Gentle Reader, I now present the most ridiculous WordPress prompt yet.  I only hope I can do it the justice it deserves:

If you had a third arm, where would you put it?

In a circus, with the rest of my body.

Better yet!  I could get my own reality show.  If I have the time, of course, because I’ll have to spend the next twenty years becoming an amazing surgeon, fifty years learning to grow spare body parts on the back of mice, thirty years persuading the medical establishment that a third arm is not only viable but a sane idea, seven persuading them to let me operate on myself, and twenty-five in rehab, trying to break my addiction to thumb-sucking arbitrary numbers from the air.

The whole prompt reads:

If you had a third arm, where would you put it on your body?

On my shoulder, so I could scratch the hard-to-reach part of my back.

Would you put it underneath one of your other arms?

No room, what with all the hair.

Or somewhere more interesting, say, the top of your head, so you could reach really high things?

Like the face of whoever wrote this prompt, so I could slap the dopey out of them?

Or would you put it behind you, so it’d be a makeshift tail?

Hmm, handy bum scratcher…maybe.

P.S. I have a third arm and I typed this post with it.

Why does that not surprise me?



Joke 109

11 Jul

The economy is so bad in the States that the Mafia is laying off judges.

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