My Top Ten Lists

Make a list of the reasons why top ten lists are often so disappointing; if you’re feeling more positive today than I am, go for a top ten list of why top ten lists are awesome.

I’m going for the latter option today, and I’m doing it with pictures.  I appreciate that not everyone thinks like I do, so if you don’t get the joke, the explanation is at the bottom of the post.

list

–noun

1.

a careening, or leaning to one side, as of a ship.

–verb (used without object)

2.

(of a ship or boat) to incline to one side; careen: The ship listed to starboard.

–verb (used with object)

3.

to cause (a vessel) to incline to one side: The shifting of the cargo listed the ship to starboard.

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Origin:
1620–30; origin uncertain

—Synonyms
2, 3. tilt, slant, heel.

Come Dine With Me In Stockport

If you think that’s an invitation from me, hunger must have made you hallucinate.  Unless you like hysterical harridans serving inedible plates of unidentifiable mush?

I don’t really do dinner invites.  Visit me any time, yes, and welcome.  Sandwiches, a buffet, Christmas Dinner: no probs.  But an evening meal?  With all the food ready at the same time?  I have been married twenty-six years and I still panic if the eggs go in the pan before the bacon is burnt.  I once prepared chippolata sausages at my brother’s house and had a meltdown because the Hub wasn’t there to tell me when to stop cooking them.  At least I learned where charcoal comes from.

My favourite meal is leftovers and chips, because the food that has survived me well enough to end up in the fridge only needs warming in the microwave.  I get through microwaves like I get through deep fat fryers.

No, dear reader, your stomach is safe; and safer still if you don’t live in Stockport or the surrounding areas.  The television show Come Dine With Me is to film in Stockport in August, and they want you to provide the meal and the entertainment for the viewing public, with the possibility of a thousand pound prize at the end of it.  Ain’t that grand?

Here’s the blurb (they asked me to post it up in my window but the grease blocks the view):

Come Dine With Me

follows FIVE strangers, all budding chefs, as they take it in turns to try and prepare the best meal, be the best host and hold the best all-round dinner party for the others. The best host at the end of the competition wins £1,000 cash!

We’re looking for anyone over 18 years old, from any walk of life, who feels they have what it takes to throw a great dinner party!  So if you are passionate about cooking and you’d like to find out more, or if you know someone who could be a perfect candidate for our show, then please get in touch with us as soon as possible and leave your contact details on:

0871 244 4142

(Callers from a BT landline will be charged a set up fee of 10p per call plus 10p perminute. Calls from other networks may be higher and from mobiles will cost considerably more.)

Or email: cdwm@itv.com

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So, if you fancy being on telly while eating, as opposed to being in front of the telly while eating, give them a call.    My commission is only £10 and a taste.

Disclaimer: This has got nothing to do with me (that’s life).  I am the blogging equivalent of the lamppost that holds the poster advertising your lost cat.

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Joke 120

Viv has several on the nature of customer service.

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at a branch of Sainsbury’s but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family.

She asked a passing assistant, ‘Do these turkeys get any bigger?’

The assistant replied, ‘I’m afraid not, they’re dead.’