Archive | 09:39

What If This Bloke Had Popped His Clogs At 69?

26 Jul

From Sidey’s prompt, what if?

With apologies to Viv and all of my decade-ally-challenged friends.

I read an item today about a seventy-year-old man in Widnes who married for the first time.  He said ‘it was worth the wait to find the right woman.’

Talk about picky.

What if he had died before seventy?  He would never have known the joy of getting down on one knee to propose; and staying there.

He met his wife Rosemary Hipwood two years ago while on Holiday in Devon.  Think that’s her name or her next operation?

Jimmy made his move two days later.  Do I really have to say it?

Seriously, I think it’s wonderful to know that love, life and happiness don’t slow down in our latter years, even if our bodies do.  It’s good to know that when I finally snap and bump off the Hub by clobbering him with his own clutter, there’ll be another man out there, ready to love me, smiling in a glass on the bedside table.

Joke 124

26 Jul

A rather old-fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a camping holiday, so she wrote to a camping ground and asked for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn’t know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn’t bring herself to write the word “toilet” in her letter.

After much thought, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term bathroom closet but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.  “Does the camping ground have its own B.C.?”

The camping ground owner wasn’t old-fashioned, and he couldn’t figure out what the old lady was talking about, so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C. stood for Baptist Church.  Here is his reply:

Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure in informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.

I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.

I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.

As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.

Remember this is a very friendly community and we all go together when we can.

Regards, C. Owner

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