Of This, That ‘n’ T’other

20 Sep

File:Stockport Town Hall (1).jpg

In my inbox this morning:

From the Arts Council: Do It Yourself Taxidermy, LIVE.

I literally have nothing to say.  Except…I pity the poor pet who drew that straw.

It gets better.  We are told:

The audience is encouraged to participate and generally be involved.

Stuff that!  I thought.

*

And talking of animals…

You should know by now that I live in Stockport.  Stockport is a town.  An ordinary, English town.  No bush, no savannah, not even a zoo.  Imagine my surprise, then, on reading this headline in The Stockport Express:

Snake alert in Stockport: Police search after reports Cobra is on the loose

Unless, of course, they are referring to the group of people the government cobbles together in an emergency.  I can just see our esteemed cabinet ministers slithering through Alexandra Park on the way to attack an unsuspecting Labour voter. 

We are so unused to snakes here in Stockport that one woman assumed they come with legs:

Mum-of-three Sharon Gregory, 39, said […] “Now it’s quite nerve-wracking wondering if a snake is going to jump out.”

The Police are on the case, of course; determined to find – you’ve gotta love British legalese – ‘the alleged cobra.’ 

With our great British talent for understatement, the report concludes:

Officers are currently carrying out licence checks to see who – if anyone – might have mislaid a large venomous snake. 

*

You may remember that a month or so ago I wrote that the producers of Come Dine With Me were looking to film in Stockport in August.  Either they are not yet done with the Julian Calendar or they are running a little behind, because I received an email asking me to ask again: if you fancy cooking for the telly, read my original post for details.

*

And finally…

After he left for school yesterday morning, Spud sent me a text:

Got a lift of Barry.

Who’s Barry?

He came home safe and sound but I was furious with him and I said so:

How many times do I have to tell you?  It’s not ‘of’ it’s ‘off’!?

*

30 Responses to “Of This, That ‘n’ T’other”

  1. earlybird September 20, 2011 at 10:42 #

    Global warming?

    Perhaps when they find the cobra (alleged) they can stuff it.

    Like

  2. ElizOF September 20, 2011 at 11:46 #

    On Do It Yourself Taxidermy, LIVE… what a scary thought that they’d happily have people DIY. Yikes! 😦
    As for the cobra… Good heavens where did it come from? 😦

    Like

    • Tilly Bud September 20, 2011 at 12:24 #

      Probably bought illegally and then found to be too much. 😦

      Like

      • ElizOF September 21, 2011 at 08:26 #

        Yikes! Hope they find it… ;-(

        Like

  3. vivinfrance September 20, 2011 at 12:32 #

    Tilly this has to be one of your greatest posts. I’m still giggling.

    Like

  4. brainrants September 20, 2011 at 12:47 #

    There are lots of rednecks in our country who would willingly pay to watch taxidermy happen live. Just saying.

    Like

  5. Pseu September 20, 2011 at 13:35 #

    This snake is quite obviously lost. Could you lend it the cat nav?

    Is it a cobra or a King Cobra?
    Wiki says this:

    “The king cobra (Ophiophagus hannah) is the world’s longest venomous snake, with a length up to 5.6 m (18.5 ft).This species, which preys chiefly on other snakes, is found predominantly in forests from India through Southeast Asia to the Philippines and Indonesia.
    **Despite the word “cobra” in its name, this snake is not a member of Naja (“true cobras”) but belongs to its own genus. **
    The king cobra can be highly aggressive and agile, delivering a large quantity of highly potent venom in a single bite. It is regarded as one of the most dangerous and feared Asiatic snakes owing to various factors.”

    Like

  6. SammyDee September 20, 2011 at 13:36 #

    Brilliant post Tilly. 😀

    I was stunned by the Do It Yourself Taxidermy in Stockport. I followed the link and read: “This time we’re going to town with lazers, smoke machines and wall to wall projectors…. not forgetting the all important stuffing.”

    …“Delivered in a ‘shopping channel’ style” (WHAT ON EARTH?) “She gives you handy hints & tips… where to source animal parts legally & personal preservation methods, giving a unique insight into this seemingly dark art and mind of an artist.”

    SERIOUSLY?! This is for real?

    I had to scrape my jaw off the desk!

    It’s too disturbing! I have to mention this on my blog!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud September 21, 2011 at 13:47 #

      Please do! We have to stamp out this abomination before we’re all stuffed 🙂

      Like

  7. SchmidleysScribbling September 20, 2011 at 13:52 #

    Dining and snakes in one blog!! Goodness, we have Pythons in the Everglades and the Bayou country. Fortunately, we have alligators in the Everglades and they love to eat Pythons. If the Pythons are large enough they eat the alligators.

    Don’t know about the Bayou, I’ll have to check with my sister. She lives in Bayou country. Now that I think of it, I haven’t heard from her in a while.

    So, what’s the matter with of? If you receive something from someone isn’t that ‘gift’ of them? Or was Barry a loose camel and Spud rode him to school? I take it Tory boy is now Spud? Thanks for clearning all that up. Dianne

    Like

    • Tilly Bud September 21, 2011 at 13:50 #

      In this instance he should have texted ‘Got a lift OFF Barry.’ The other way doesn’t make sense. Though I like your camel idea.

      Tory Boy is my 21 year old son; Spud is my fifteen year old. I wish one had been a girl; blogging would have been so much easier.

      Pythons that can eat alligators…this has been the scariest comment section OF any post I’ve ever written.

      🙂

      Like

  8. Paula Tohline Calhoun September 20, 2011 at 15:34 #

    Not knowing Barry myself, I can only speculate that getting a “lift of Barry” could possibly be better than getting a “whiff” of Barry. . .

    Like

    • Tilly Bud September 21, 2011 at 13:51 #

      Hello stranger! I didn’t recognise you from your photo 🙂 Your comment gave you away, though.

      Like

  9. slpmartin September 20, 2011 at 16:42 #

    Sounds like the police suspected that an adder was posing as a cobra in your city…not sure I would care to run into either.

    Like

  10. misswhiplash September 20, 2011 at 18:47 #

    Ah , well if yer lives in Stockport yer ‘as to expect to find strange creatures , usually they are called citizens or residents ( Not you TillyB, cos uuzz ma friend)

    Like

  11. sanstorm September 20, 2011 at 19:20 #

    I can only apologise – I have had to award you a “versatile blogger award” on Wee Scoops. A haiku lies in wait for you.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud September 21, 2011 at 13:53 #

      Your apology is accepted because there was no malice intended.

      Thank you 🙂

      And for the gift of a haiku. That’s so sweet 🙂

      Like

  12. kateshrewsday September 20, 2011 at 22:21 #

    Tilly, once again the mind is boggling. I love the Alleged Cobra. If he ever confirms or indeed denies that he is a cobra I want to be the first to know.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud September 21, 2011 at 13:54 #

      And so you shall…as soon as you get back to me on the grey nuns. 🙂

      Like

  13. sarsm September 21, 2011 at 05:59 #

    It’s very, very early in the morning… And now I’m wide awake thinking about DIY taxidermy.

    Are you putting yourself forward for come dine with me? It would be be such a laugh and we could all wave at you. Even if your cooking skills weren’t quite as good as the other contestants I’m sure you’d be in with a very good chance of winning the money because you’d make everyone laugh so much.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud September 21, 2011 at 13:56 #

      No, I shan’t be entering. Hysteria might make for good tv but not for a happy Tilly.

      Besides, I’m a miserable git in real life 😉

      Like

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I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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