Archive | 14:46

Whaddyathink?

4 Oct

File:Harrison's Chronometer H5.JPG

I tend to post at the following times (GMT, or whatever they’re calling it these days because they have to meddle all the time and it’s really not good to meddle with time as I realised this morning when I got up at 5:30 thinking it was 6:30):

  • Joke of the day: between five and six a.m.
  • Daily post: between 9:30 and 10:30 a.m.
  • Afternoon post, if I have one: between 14:30 and four p.m.

I’m thinking of spreading myself more thinly (it’s the only way that’s going to happen):

  • Joke of the day: between five and six a.m.
  • Daily post: between 12:30 and 14:30 p.m.
  • Evening post, if I have one: between 21:30 and eleven p.m.

What do you think?  Leave the scheduling as it is, or spread it out a bit?  To help my foreign readers (most of you; why is that?  And why is my biggest audience in the States?), here’s a time and date site so you can work out when it is now in the UK relative to where you are.

Let’s put a poll in the field (that’s why!  I can quote Aaron Sorkin at will):

She’s Listing Badly, Cap’n…

4 Oct
Ship Garthsnaid, ca 1920s
Image by National Library NZ on The Commons via Flickr

Top Ten Reasons To Write A Top Ten List:

  • People keep telling you to
  • Alliteration needs an outlet too
  • Five reasons are not enough; two-times-five is ten: baby bear would approve
  • You have nothing else to do
  • To get Freshly Pressed, because you’re a stats junkie
  • You’ve tried every other version of blog posting known to man: short-long-funny-serious-words-no-words-stream-of-consciousness-plagiarism-cartoons-jokes-carefully crafted-slapped on the page in a hurry-one-two-three and four posts a day…what else is there?
  • Too many things get left unsaid otherwise
  • You want to see how many times you can use ‘to’ and its homonyms before anyone notices
  • You can’t count

 

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Joke 194

4 Oct

Thanks to Pseu for this joke.

A man in a state of excessive inebriation rolled up at a fairground rifle range booth and threw down the necessary money.  The booth operator at first refused to let him have a turn, considering that his inebriated state would endanger the public.  But the drunk insisted and was given a gun. He aimed unsteadily in the general direction of the target and after trying to focus, pulled the trigger three times.  The booth owner, on inspecting the target, was astonished to see that he had scored three bullseyes.  The star prize for the evening was a large set of glassware, but the showman was certain that the drunk wasn’t aware of what he had done, and gave him instead a consolation prize, a tortoise. 

The drunk wandered off into the crowd. An hour or so later he came back, even more drunk than before. Once again the showman demurred, but once again the drunk insisted, and once more scored three bullseyes and was given another tortoise.

Eventually the drunk rolled up again and insisted on a third attempt.  Once more he picked up the rifle, waved it around in the general direction of the target, and pulled the trigger three times. Once more he had scored three bullseyes. But this time there was an onlooker with good eyesight.

“That’s fantastic,” the man said. “Hasn’t he scored three bulls?” The showman, cursing his luck, made a play of going over to the target and inspecting it closely.

“Yes Sir!” , he announced to the crowd. “This is fantastic! Congratulations, sir, you have won the star prize, this magnificent 68-piece set of glassware.”

“I don’t want any glasses,” the drunk replied. “Give me another one of those delicious crusty meat pies.”

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