Archive | 11:16

A Load Of Balls From WordPress

19 Oct

Image by oskay via Flickr

If you found $1000 worth of superballs, and had a free afternoon, what creative use could you put them towards? Can you think of a clever way to use them or a prank you could pull on a friend or co-worker? Write about it.

Let’s forget for the moment that this is a fun premise, and look at the logistics of it:

I find $1000 worth of superballs. 

How many balls is that?  If they cost $1 each that’s 1000; if they cost 50 cents each that’s 2000; if they cost $1.50 that’s, um, somewhere in between.  Or less?  No, more.  No, less.  Definitely less!  Is it?

Premise: I find $1000 worth of superballs.

Result: My head explodes trying to do maths.

What are superballs? 

They are colourful bouncy balls made of rubber.  Rubber is a natural substance, so that’s okay.  Of course, lava and human excrement are also natural substances, but not very nice ones; or particularly good for the environment.  Better if they are made of plastic.  Recyclable plastic.  But what if they’re not?  Plastic doesn’t bounce much so they might need an additive and then no longer be recyclable and I’ll be murdering the planet.

Premise: I find $1000 worth of superballs.

Result: My head explodes trying to do green maths.

Where do I find these killerballs? 

In the street?  Loose on the ground?  How will I gather them all before they harm the environment, choke little animals or are stolen by the neighbours?  In a box, then.  How big a box?  How big are the balls?  Can I carry it by myself or will I need a crane and a van?  What will that cost?  Will using a crane and a van increase my carbon footprint and do more damage than if I just left the superballs to fester in the street?

Premise: I find $1000 worth of superballs.

Result: My head explodes from question mark overload.

They’re in a building you say? 

Can I claim them once I’ve been released from prison, having served two years for breaking & entering and burglary?

Premise: I find $1000 worth of superballs.

Result: I make ‘friends’ with a girl called Bill and start a new life on my parole, releasing environmentally friendly bouncy balls into the wild.

Back to the value. 

I find a $1000 worth of superballs.  Where they imported from the States?  Is it Australian dollars?  What’s the exchange rate on that? 

Premise: I find £632.651/£654.001 worth of superballs. 

Result: I lobby the British Government to join the Ausmerican Dollar system.   

To sum up.

Let’s say, for the sake of argument, a WordPress prompter comes to my house in the dead of night; leaves a reasonably sized, reasonably priced box of environmentally friendly superballs on my doorstep; and a note asking me to write about what I would do.

Premise: I find $1000 worth of friendly superballs on my doorstep, and a note from WordPress.

Result: I close my account.  I have to: crazy WordPress prompters are stalking me.


Joke 209

19 Oct

Investigators at a major research institute have discovered the heaviest element known to science. This startling new discovery has been tentatively named Administratium (Ad).

The new element has no protons or electrons, thus having an atomic number of 0. It does, however, have 1 neutron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons, for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by a force called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert.

However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it came into contact.

According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes one reaction to take over four days to complete when it would normally take less than a second. Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons, viceneutrons, and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. In fact, an Administratium sample’s mass will actually increase over time, since with each reorganization some of the morons inevitably become neutrons, forming new isotopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a certain concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as the “Critical Morass”.


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