Joke 211

Thanks to Michelle in South Africa for this one; I think it originated in the States.

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I’m too old to track down terrorists. You can’t be older than 42 to join the military. They’ve got  the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn’t be able to join a military unit  until you’re at least 35.
   
For starters: researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds.  Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than  28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
   
Young guys haven’t lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a  dangerous soldier. ‘My back hurts! I can’t sleep; I’m tired and hungry.’ We  are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves  it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.
   
An 18-year-old doesn’t even like to get up before 10 a..m. Old guys always  get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I’m tired and can’t sleep and since I’m already up, I may as well be up killing someone.   
   
If captured we couldn’t spill the beans because we’d forget where we put  them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
   
Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We’re used to getting screamed and  yelled at and we’re used to soft food. We’ve also developed an appreciation  for guns. We’ve been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the  house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I’ve been in combat and  didn’t see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.
   
Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I’ve never seen  anyone outrun a bullet.
   
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He’s still learning to  shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He hasn’t yet figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his  head.
   
These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm’s way.
   
Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.
   
How about recruiting Women over 50 – in menopause! You think men have  attitudes…  
   
Send this to all of your senior friends.  Use big type so they can read  it.