Archive | 15:12

13.12.11

13 Dec
Dates

Image by DBduo Photography via Flickr

 

If you count backwards from today and forwards from today it is the same number of days to Christmas backwards as it is forwards:

13 14 15 16 
13 12 11 10

17 18 19 20
9   8    7    6

21 22 23 24 25
 5  4    3   2    1

That’s it!  I’m officially out of interesting ideas for interesting dates.  I’ll meet you on 1.1.12.  Don’t expect much.

The Christmas Joke Competition Winner…

13 Dec

 

Maltesers

Image via Wikipedia

 

…and now my mortal enemy (forcing me to give up Maltesers like that), is…

…no!  Wait!  I’d better tell you how the judge arrived at her decision: 

She got the Hub to choose.

It was like this: I asked you to send me jokes; you did.  I asked that they make me laugh; they did.  I know you all; I like you all; I couldn’t decide on one winner without worrying about those I didn’t choose.  I’m like that; I’ve never yet watched a sports event without feeling sorry for the losers.  I understand the need for competition but it’s not for me.  When it came to choosing the winner of my own competition (a good idea at the time; never again; far too much stress), I wimped out. 

The Hub is made of sterner stuff.  I c+p all entries onto a Word document, anonymously, and let him loose on them.  He knows my love of puns so he went with the one pun that made him laugh – he’s not a fan of puns; did I mention that?  He has a good sense of humour but he doesn’t laugh constantly and inanely like his wife; he’s particular in his chuckle habit.  That’s why he chose the one pun that made him laugh.

You may have read it already, either in the comments or in this morning’s joke post.  It was submitted by Wee Scoops.  Well done!

Readers, if the joke is not to your taste, please bear in mind that humour is subjective and the judges’ decision is final.  Maybe.  I’m down one box of Maltesers; I could be persuaded.

Sadly, Wee Scoops lives in Scotland.  I say ‘sadly’ because I had hoped to send Maltesers off to foreign climes, introducing them to the ignorant, forcing them on people who don’t know they need or want them, rather like when we Brits had an empire.  It’s not always a good idea to foist your own particular loves onto others, however; that’s how they end up smashing you at your own game at the World Cup (1966 aside), the Ashes, the Rugby World Cup, Wimbledon…do I need to go on?

Congratulations, Wee Scoops.  Would you consider emigrating?

Your Maltesers will be on their way as soon as you send me your address.  Or I could just post a pound to you and you could buy your own, next time you’re in the pound shop.

Thanks to everyone who entered; sorry you didn’t win.  If I had the money, I’d send you all a box of Maltesers.* 

*You believe that? I bet you still believe in Father Christmas as well, don’t you? Bless.

I’ll be using your jokes in the run-up to Christmas; acknowledging the source, of course.  I may be cheap but I’m always scrupulous.

This was fun!  Let’s never do it again. 

 

 

 

 

Joke 264

13 Dec

Thanks to Wee Scoops for this one.

Why did Mary feed the baby condensed milk?

Because he was the incarnation.

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