Archive | 15:53

The Brave, The Stupid, The Best

14 Dec

English: Signature of the 43rd President of th...

Image via Wikipedia

Where is the place you are bravest? When are the times you are the most brave?

Standing in front of my children, protecting them from enemies, such as bees, bullies and visitors’ bad breath.  Or kissing visitors.  They hate those.

How do you decide on new year’s resolutions?

I decide not to make any.  If I want to feel guilty all year, I spend less on the Hub’s Christmas presents than he does on mine.  He doesn’t mind but it’s not nice to say ‘Thanks for the Presidential cup/ball/book/signature; seven dvds; clothes; underwear; shoes; cds; books; jewellery; Maltesers; and all the little but cute and/or funny stocking fillers.  How do you like your nail brush?’

What’s the best gift you’ve ever received?

Probably President George W. Bush’s balls.

By the way, Mr WordPress Prompter, you asked me this one already.  See here for the same answer to the same question, but in more detail.

Is there a cure for stupidity?

No; but there is an antidote…

…work that one out for yourself, dear reader; I don’t want to be kicked off WordPress this close to Christmas.

Bad Santa

14 Dec

This is a re-post from last year; I thought you might find it interesting.

 

christmas tree lights

Image by swarna rajan - ஸ்வர்ணா ராஜன via Flickr

 

A Freegle ‘wanted’ ad came into my inbox on Christmas Eve at three minutes past eleven p.m.

Hi everyone I know I’ve left this really late but we were expecting a delivery today of Xmas presents for our 9 yr old girl but they didn’t turn up, so if anyone has anything suitable we would appreciate it, thanks in advance can collect tonight.

No ‘Thank you, received’ emails came through after Christmas so that poor child must have had a miserable Christmas morning. 

Perhaps there’s something to be said for starting Christmas preparations in September after all.

Joke 265

14 Dec

Thanks to Pseu for this one.

It was the doctor’s last appointment on Christmas Eve.  A mother came in with her young daughter and asked if he would examine her because she had been showing some strange symptoms, including weight gain, morning sickness and cravings.

The doctor checked her over carefully and then announced that the girl was pregnant.

The mother said, ‘Don’t be ridiculous, my daughter has never been with a man.’

The girl was in tears by now, and added that she was sweet sixteen and had never even been kissed.

The doctor walked to the window and stared out of it, studying the night sky.

‘What are we going to do?’ wailed the mother. Then, noticing the doctor’s stillness and concentration she said, ‘Doctor? What’s wrong?’

‘Well,’ he said, ‘I’m just checking the stars. It might be a coincidence, but the last time this happened a new bright star appeared in the East.’

The Twelve Days of Gerald the Sheep Day One

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