Joke 283

1 Jan

New Year Resolutions For Pets

 15. I will not eat other animals’ poop.

14. I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poop.

13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. 

12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.

 9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.

8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

7. Hamster: Don’t let them figure out I’m just a rat on steroids, or they’ll flush me!

 6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.

5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.

 3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!  January 2nd – December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

AND the Number 1 New Year’s Resolutions Made by Pets…

1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT’S HAND

27 Responses to “Joke 283”

  1. andy1076 January 1, 2012 at 05:21 #

    Not too sure how many pets would respect those new resolutions but! hey! happy new year all the same lol! 😀

    Like

  2. siggiofmaine January 1, 2012 at 05:22 #

    Happy New Year…way after midnight for you ! Thank you for all your support and encouragement in 2011. You have brought much joy to my life. Thank you very much.

    Peace and love,
    Siggi in Maine

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 1, 2012 at 15:05 #

      What a lovely thing to say! Thank you 🙂

      Like

  3. nrhatch January 1, 2012 at 05:29 #

    Happy New Year, Tilly! We’re off to watch the midnight fireworks and ring in the new year here.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 1, 2012 at 15:06 #

      Hope you had a wonderful time, Nancy. Happy New Year to you.

      Like

  4. Perfecting Motherhood January 1, 2012 at 05:37 #

    Happy new year! Looking forward to read your many jokes and thoughts in 2012.

    Like

  5. evilnymphstuff January 1, 2012 at 05:49 #

    LOL love it! Happy new year 😀

    Like

  6. musings January 1, 2012 at 06:13 #

    Hauoli Makahiki Hou (Hawaiian for Happy New Year)! Hoo boy! The fireworks have started already and it’s only 7:15 PM.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 1, 2012 at 15:17 #

      And to you, too, Kay! I hope it’s a good one.

      Like

  7. vivinfrance January 1, 2012 at 07:08 #

    I didn’t know cats sniffed others’ behinds. Weird.
    Have you finished your postaday year? Are we going to be deprived of Tilly in 2012?

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 1, 2012 at 15:19 #

      I have, and there doesn’t seem to be anything for 2012 😦

      Like

  8. Katherine Gordy Levine January 1, 2012 at 07:27 #

    Reblogged this on Emotfit's Blog and commented:
    A GOOD LAUGH particularly for those of us who love cars and dogs. Enjoy.

    Like

  9. Ron. January 1, 2012 at 13:26 #

    I disa gree; I think the refridgerator is the perfect place for a dog’s head.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 1, 2012 at 15:20 #

      Um, there’s no answer to that, except, are you still taking your medication?

      Like

  10. misswhiplash January 1, 2012 at 13:27 #

    I think that I may well print out your list for Pets, and put it at a reasonable level on the wall so that my animals can read it….
    Every one sounded just as if you had written it for my cat or dogs, especially No 1

    Good start to the New Year

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 1, 2012 at 15:22 #

      Nothing in there for donkeys, though 🙂

      Like

  11. Grannymar January 1, 2012 at 13:51 #

    My resolution is to keep popping in for a good giggle!

    Happy & Healthy 2012!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 1, 2012 at 15:22 #

      Now that’s a resolution I can get on board with.

      Happy New year, Grannymar; really glad to have met you.

      Like

  12. mairedubhtx January 1, 2012 at 15:10 #

    There should be a resolution about dogs eating their own poop.

    Like

  13. belleofthecarnival January 1, 2012 at 21:53 #

    It will be Edward! Always Edward!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 2, 2012 at 12:27 #

      I know; and it seems right. But Jake would be better for her.

      Like

  14. ElizOF January 3, 2012 at 11:54 #

    This is hysterical. ♥Happy ♥New ♥Year ♥ & TY for the humor and for just being you! 🙂

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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