Joke 283

1 Jan

New Year Resolutions For Pets

 15. I will not eat other animals’ poop.

14. I will not lick my human’s face after eating animal poop.

13. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I’m lying under the coffee table. 

12. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

11. I will no longer be beholden to the sound of the can opener.

10. Cats: Circulate a petition that sleeping become a juried competition in major animal shows.

 9. Come to understand that cats are from Venus; dogs are from Mars.

8. Take time from busy schedule to stop and smell the behinds.

7. Hamster: Don’t let them figure out I’m just a rat on steroids, or they’ll flush me!

 6. Get a bite in on that freak who gives me that shot every year.

5. Grow opposable thumb; break into pantry; decide for MYSELF how much food is *too* much.

4. Cats: Use new living room sofa as scratching post.

 3. January 1st: Kill the sock! Must kill the sock!  January 2nd – December 31: Re-live victory over the sock.

2. The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.

AND the Number 1 New Year’s Resolutions Made by Pets…

1. I will NOT chase the stick until I see it LEAVE THE IDIOT’S HAND

27 Responses to “Joke 283”

  1. andy1076 at 05:21 #

    Not too sure how many pets would respect those new resolutions but! hey! happy new year all the same lol! 😀


  2. siggiofmaine at 05:22 #

    Happy New Year…way after midnight for you ! Thank you for all your support and encouragement in 2011. You have brought much joy to my life. Thank you very much.

    Peace and love,
    Siggi in Maine


  3. nrhatch at 05:29 #

    Happy New Year, Tilly! We’re off to watch the midnight fireworks and ring in the new year here.


    • Tilly Bud at 15:06 #

      Hope you had a wonderful time, Nancy. Happy New Year to you.


  4. Happy new year! Looking forward to read your many jokes and thoughts in 2012.


  5. evilnymphstuff at 05:49 #

    LOL love it! Happy new year 😀


  6. musings at 06:13 #

    Hauoli Makahiki Hou (Hawaiian for Happy New Year)! Hoo boy! The fireworks have started already and it’s only 7:15 PM.


  7. vivinfrance at 07:08 #

    I didn’t know cats sniffed others’ behinds. Weird.
    Have you finished your postaday year? Are we going to be deprived of Tilly in 2012?


    • Tilly Bud at 15:19 #

      I have, and there doesn’t seem to be anything for 2012 😦


  8. Reblogged this on Emotfit's Blog and commented:
    A GOOD LAUGH particularly for those of us who love cars and dogs. Enjoy.


  9. Ron. at 13:26 #

    I disa gree; I think the refridgerator is the perfect place for a dog’s head.


    • Tilly Bud at 15:20 #

      Um, there’s no answer to that, except, are you still taking your medication?


  10. misswhiplash at 13:27 #

    I think that I may well print out your list for Pets, and put it at a reasonable level on the wall so that my animals can read it….
    Every one sounded just as if you had written it for my cat or dogs, especially No 1

    Good start to the New Year


  11. Grannymar at 13:51 #

    My resolution is to keep popping in for a good giggle!

    Happy & Healthy 2012!


    • Tilly Bud at 15:22 #

      Now that’s a resolution I can get on board with.

      Happy New year, Grannymar; really glad to have met you.


  12. mairedubhtx at 15:10 #

    There should be a resolution about dogs eating their own poop.


  13. It will be Edward! Always Edward!


    • Tilly Bud at 12:27 #

      I know; and it seems right. But Jake would be better for her.


  14. ElizOF at 11:54 #

    This is hysterical. ♥Happy ♥New ♥Year ♥ & TY for the humor and for just being you! 🙂


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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