My Final Word On Hair

26 Jan

I had not been swimming in ten years, and when I took it up again I thought I had better bathe and shave in preparation.  I was lying in the bath thinking I looked like Julia Roberts at the première of Notting Hill…  Let me clarify: I was lying in the bath thinking my armpits looked like Julia Roberts’ at the première of Notting Hill, and I was thinking about the photos in the newspaper.  Do you suppose she was lying in the bath that morning thinking, ‘I must remember to wax my bits…oh, what’s the point?  I’ll probably be upstaged by that Liz Hurley in some dress held together with sticky tape anyway; the only way I’ll be in the tabloids tomorrow is if I don’t wax my bits…hang on a minute…’ 

The moral of the story is: if you want your picture in the paper, don’t shave your armpits.

Or so I thought, but it’s been weeks now and I haven’t had a sniff. Not even from The Sunday People, and if they call I’m telling them I’d rather apply hot wax to my skin and pull it off with sticky paper. 

I thought this up in the bath but I have a dreadful memory, which is why I write everything down.  As I was in the bath I couldn’t write it down.  I use memory aids in the form of daft pictures in my head, which is why I imagined Julia Roberts using my wrinkle cream in our bathroom. It then occurred to me that this was completely ridiculous: as if Julia Roberts would be using my wrinkle cream! The only way I have it in is if some kind friend buys it as a birthday treat to remind me of how old I’m getting, and there’s no way I’m sharing it with Julia Roberts or anyone. Next time she sleeps over she can bring her own. 

You may think I’m a little crazy but you must realise that because of television we all feel we know famous people and can thus have imaginary conversations with them. They feel like our best friends, don’t they?

Sadly, this is not the case, as I discovered the day Julia applied for the Restraining Order and swore to the judge that the first time she ever met me was the day I politely offered to wax her bits.

 

27 Responses to “My Final Word On Hair”

  1. vivinfrance January 26, 2012 at 11:19 #

    You crack me up, Tilly!

    Like

  2. earlybird January 26, 2012 at 14:22 #

    Perhaps you should spend more time in the bath thinking? 😉

    Like

  3. McGuffyAnn January 26, 2012 at 14:27 #

    I am shocked! (*lol*)

    Like

  4. adinparadise January 26, 2012 at 15:02 #

    Hehehe. That was a great read, Tilly. Waxing is for the birds. I yank mine out by the roots with an epilator. the pain is fleeting; the rewards last longer. 😉

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 30, 2012 at 12:54 #

      Ouch! Think I’ll take your word for it 🙂

      Like

  5. Pseu January 26, 2012 at 15:28 #

    Looks like she keeps those mini pet hedgehogs in her armpits 🙂

    (In the 80’s I used not to shave as a women’s libber – having a little rebellion against social expectations.
    At the same time I always had my legs waxed… confused, me?)

    Like

  6. SchmidleysScribbling January 26, 2012 at 15:53 #

    A little tip….forget underarm hair. At first folks are a bit startled and cannot keep their gaze on your face, but after a while they lose interest. Ask me how I know. Dianne

    Like

  7. laurieanichols January 26, 2012 at 16:29 #

    You are a riot and you hit it right on the money, between the t.v and the magazines, we do feel as if we know them. I can see why Julia Roberts applying facial cream in your bathroom isn’t far-fetched.

    Like

  8. colonialist January 26, 2012 at 16:33 #

    I love it when you wax lyrical about armpits!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 30, 2012 at 12:57 #

      You get today’s corniest pun award, Col. As usual 🙂

      Like

  9. Laurie Kolp January 26, 2012 at 19:32 #

    hahaha… you crack me up, woman!!

    Like

  10. gigihawaii January 27, 2012 at 00:10 #

    haha! wait til you’re post-menopausal. then, no hair at all. except on your head. I hope!

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 30, 2012 at 12:59 #

      Me too! But I won’t be sharing THOSE photos 🙂

      Like

  11. jmgoyder January 27, 2012 at 03:22 #

    You are too too funny, Tilly – love it!

    Like

  12. imexcited January 27, 2012 at 10:17 #

    hahaha are you sure this is the final story?

    Like

  13. eof737 January 27, 2012 at 11:33 #

    You poor thing! She obviously didn’t want to be upstaged by a Britisher! 😆

    Like

  14. Janie Jones January 27, 2012 at 14:25 #

    Ewwww. I can live with leg hair, but I can’t handle armpit hair. Just gross. Please pass the eye bleach.

    Like

  15. Lorna's Voice January 27, 2012 at 15:27 #

    I bet that’s not the only thing you have in common with Julia Roberts. Come on, tell us the truth… 😉

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 30, 2012 at 13:00 #

      It’s true. We both have two arms, two legs…

      Like

  16. Grannymar January 27, 2012 at 16:38 #

    I must have a bath more often if it provides such wonderful inspiration.;) Since my hip was replaced, I seldom use the bath and somehow the shower doesn’t provide the same inspiration.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud January 30, 2012 at 13:01 #

      Inspiration strikes me whenever I’m doing somthing mindless. Inspiration strikes me a lot.

      Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. the armpits have it « en deshabille - March 28, 2012

    […] My Final Word On Hair (thelaughinghousewife.wordpress.com) […]

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I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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