A Is For ‘Arguments’

31 Jan

Everywhere I look, bloggers are alphabetizing their themes: A to Z of The Country I Live In; A to Z of Kittens; A to Z of Food; A to Ad Infinitum.  It’s not a bad idea, particularly if, like me, you don’t have any ideas. 

Therefore, in the spirit of if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, here is the first in an occasional, 26-part series (suggestions for Z welcomed with open arms and eternal gratitude; if none are forthcoming, this may be the first 25-letter alphabet since theta eta pi): The A to Z of The Laughing Housewife.  I propose to tell you random things about me and my life.  Pretty much what I’ve been doing for the last two and a half years, in fact. 

A Is For Arguments

The Hub and I argue a lot.  When we first married, it was all we did (well, not all we did; we were just married).  I’m not afraid to admit that he irritates me like no other human being on earth.  The feeling is mutual. 

I once marvelled at a friend of mine who assured me she and her husband never argued.  She was a vicar, so I had to believe her, but that sent her way up the list to Number 2 most irritating human being on earth.  I am easily irritated.  We all are.

I’m pretty sure I write about our arguments regularly, so I closed my eyes and chose a year from my archives and here’s a sample:

10/7/10

I have had a strange day: the Hub and I did not squabble once. We squabble a lot; we think of it as our pressure valve: if we don’t let out a little steam there will be a huge explosion and the Hub will get scalded.

I would say it is learned behaviour but my in-laws were not at all quarrelsome. Dad Hub was the mildest-tempered man I ever knew; though I did once see him slightly annoyed. Mum Hub was fiery by nature but hated falling out because she loved everyone too much, and Dad Hub more than most. The Hub has her nature but not her restraint, and he is unfortunate enough to have married the biggest nark in the business. The Hub rubs me up the wrong way – except for today, when he gave me a back rub and I almost dozed off in his lap. Make back rubs, not war, will be my motto from now on. 

Perhaps it is learned behaviour on my part: I take after my Dad, who was narky by nature. My parents rowed a lot; it wasn’t unusual for them to not speak for a fortnight or more. When they did speak it was usually to row. I have never understood all those American movies and tv programmes where the adult child falls apart when their parents announce they are divorcing: when our parents said they were separating, we three children shouted ‘hurrah’ and did an impromptu jig around their personal baggage. 

They were happier apart and friends at the end; Mum helped look after Dad in his last weeks and was with him when he died. 

A Sunday roast consisting of roast beef, roast...

Image via Wikipedia

 

I remember one particular row that went on for months. Every Sunday we had a traditional roast dinner and my Dad – who loved his food and his roast dinners in particular, so he might have just been spoiling for a fight – complained that he was sick of roasts every Sunday and why couldn’t we have something else? Mum never said a word but took his plate away and scraped it into the bin, and cooked him bacon and egg there and then. Next Sunday we had a roast dinner, as usual…except for Dad, who was served bacon and egg, without a word from Mum. And the next; and the next; and the next Sunday after that…for six solid months, until Dad finally caved first and asked in his best little boy voice if he could please have a roast like the rest of us this Sunday? Without a word from Mum, he got one. 

Dad never complained about his meals again. 

 

31/1/10

I told you shopping was a bad idea: the Hub and I spent our afternoon in Stockport squabbling. We squabbled in his bank – why could we not draw out the money in the warm inside, where muggers were less likely to steal it from my shivering fingers? (Me) Why did I not top up my phone through the ATM while we were there? (Him)  What is this irrational mistrust I have of technology? (Him) (Pity he didn’t ask me that ten minutes ago, just after I lost the first and much funnier draft of this post) My bank – why did he have to wait so long in the queue for me while I went to three shops in an effort to find one with a working machine to top me up by a fiver when I could have done it at his bank? (Him) The post office – I suddenly realised that he had not wrapped Tory Boy’s book like I asked him to before we left the house and he claimed that he hadn’t known I wanted it so urgently because I had never said so and I countered with the adult response that it was about time he learned to read my mind then; raspberry.  By the time we reached the pound shop we were at glaring point and in the street outside, with our sotto voce argument now screechy-screechy, we decided to kiss and make up before we exchanged blows with the bargain toothpaste we were carrying. After twenty-eight years together, we are pretty good at conflict resolution; especially because 1) I know I’m right – like the old joke has it, a husband’s place is always in the wrong; and 2) I wasn’t sure my toothpaste would get in the first blow.

38 Responses to “A Is For ‘Arguments’”

  1. Sarchasm2 January 31, 2012 at 13:33 #

    lol I think my wife is your twin!

    Like

  2. misswhiplash January 31, 2012 at 13:38 #

    Never mind about your ABC what about that plate of roast beef, yorkshire pudding and veg…my Mum used to cook it just like that and I have not had roast beef for years…ooooo I have a need for that lovely roast dinner.

    what have I got..pie and chips..not quite the same

    Like

  3. Big Al January 31, 2012 at 13:38 #

    OK, so I didn’t last 4225 posts. This A to Z series promises to be too juicy to ignore. Next to “The Tudors” this could be the best show ever.

    Like

  4. viv blake January 31, 2012 at 14:17 #

    I HATE LOATHE AND DETEST arguments. And I’ve been living with the grinchiest grump ever since the weather closed in and he can’t go wall building. I have retreated into silence because everything I say is picked to pieces. Roll on spring.

    Z do you mean to tell me that you never sneak a few zeds in front of the telly?

    Like

  5. nailingjellotoatree January 31, 2012 at 14:54 #

    Confession time – in our house I’m the one itching for a fight. DH doesn’t fight. I tell him it’s not fair. He just shuts down and refuses to fight with me. One of these days I’ll finally make him mad enough to fight.

    Like

  6. siggiofmaine January 31, 2012 at 14:58 #

    I wish I had thought about solving a meal complaint with the bacon and eggs…what a wonderful solution. Here I must admit, I could not have done it without saying a word…I would have had to snipe something along the way … or snicker.

    Looking forward to the rest of the alphabet…

    Peace,
    Siggi in Downeast Maine

    Like

  7. Cindy January 31, 2012 at 15:29 #

    Like Viv, I just retreat into silence and can go months without talking to Old Spouse. It’s more peaceful that way.

    Like

  8. gigihawaii January 31, 2012 at 15:44 #

    Hubby and I bicker a lot too. People have told us to stop bickering, but we are like oil and water. Life is so short. We should stop thinking we will live forever. We should stop taking each other for granted. Because one of these days, we will wake up and find our spouse dead. Then, whom will we bicker with?

    Like

  9. Pseu January 31, 2012 at 18:48 #

    Our arguments are usually all about driving – when I’m driving and I perceive criticism and vice versa. Not helped by my inadequate sense of direction and travel sickness. Sigh.

    Like

  10. Grannymar January 31, 2012 at 18:58 #

    Am I the odd one out? My husband wouldn’t even have a pillow fight. He said life was too short for arguments. We laughed with and at each other all the time.

    Now for a Z suggestion… you have Zulus, Zoos and zips to choose from.

    Like

    • Pseu January 31, 2012 at 21:26 #

      X maybe harder….

      Like

  11. Patti January 31, 2012 at 19:27 #

    I always worry about people who claim to never get frustrated with their spouse, never doubt that they were made for each other. I’m just afraid they’re not paying attention. My husband and I lead a Bible/book study on Intimate Marriage with some young couples (hoping to help them avoid some of our own stupidity, frankly). There is a DVD introduction for each lesson and the very first one, the author says, “there is no one in the world that I love as much as my wife. And there is no one in the world I have hated as much as I have hated my wife.” These newlywed couples were scandalized by the statement and 3 years later, they still haven’t quite gotten over it. After 28 years, my husband and I just smile and shrug and hope that they continue to feel that way, but at least come to realize that it’s a possibility – and that you can get past it.

    Like

  12. Lorna's Voice January 31, 2012 at 21:05 #

    Looking forward to this series. I haven’t seen this trend, so it’s new to me!

    So you’re a fighter and a lover, eh? I’m just a lover… 😉

    Like

  13. kateshrewsday January 31, 2012 at 21:06 #

    I was chuckling all the way through this, Tilly – is that wrong?

    Like

  14. SchmidleysScribbling January 31, 2012 at 21:33 #

    You just reminded me to get the roast in the oven. Now I need a recipe for Yorkshire pudding. I love the stuff.

    As for fighting, we have the occasional exchange, but David has the irritating habit of bringing up things I don’t remember saying. I think he makes them up. Dianne

    Like

  15. Yulia February 1, 2012 at 01:43 #

    I also have arguments with my husband 😀
    two different person with two different characters
    But what I get, I think all women almost the same, when I read your post, I feel like you are me 😀

    Like

  16. laurieanichols February 1, 2012 at 02:47 #

    The Sunday dinner story is priceless. Some can squabble, I don’t think squabbling is harmful to couples. The kissing and making up session afterwards is very healthy. It is the drag out fights that are harmful.

    Like

  17. Perfecting Motherhood February 1, 2012 at 06:38 #

    You know, I keep telling my husband, “happy wife, happy life” but he doesn’t getting it. So yes, we argue every day. You know what’s great about his brain injury? He doesn’t argue back! 😉

    Like

  18. puddinggirl February 1, 2012 at 06:50 #

    Hubby dear and I seldom argues too, it sometimes alarm me that this is beyond normal, so I find ways to spark a fight, and made efforts to stay stubborn and unreasonable but he just don’t fall for it. he will keep quiet, showing no signs of recognition to my drama and simply appears non-reactive to my “tantrums” as he calls it… It’s making me more anxious that I’ll just give up the act. 🙂

    Like

  19. Maggie L R February 1, 2012 at 08:09 #

    We get our frustrations our with a bit of arguing now and then, well actually, more now than then.
    It is healthy, better than stewing in silence.
    as for the Z suggestion, what about sleep… you know the zzzz’s

    Like

  20. Piglet in Portugal February 1, 2012 at 10:03 #

    We retired early and Mr Piglet is in my hair 24hrs a day! Argue, I could eat him alives at times!

    Like

  21. Tilly Bud February 1, 2012 at 13:15 #

    Enough different opinions here to start an argument 🙂

    Like

  22. ferragudofan February 2, 2012 at 10:29 #

    love it! this is going to be a great series!
    if you would like to link up with others then come over and register at http://myatozchallenge.com/ and find out what lots of other bloggers are up to!

    Like

  23. granny1947 February 2, 2012 at 17:35 #

    Oh i love this…can’t wait for more.
    You zaw zebras in Africa?

    Like

  24. sarsm February 3, 2012 at 18:46 #

    Fantastic I’m looking forward to the series too.

    We always say a bit of arguing is healthy. It blows out the cobwebs and makes space for the kiss and make up! 😉

    Like

  25. eof737 February 5, 2012 at 05:03 #

    Your rows must be like a fun sport to both of you as you’re still together. Humor helps I bet. 😉

    Like

  26. restlessjo February 25, 2012 at 17:01 #

    Enjoyed this! It turned my Six Word Saturday into a smiley Saturday. Specially the egg n bacon Sunday dinner- my Mum SO would have done this! No longer around but she was a character, God love her.

    Like

    • Tilly Bud February 27, 2012 at 10:17 #

      There are more of them out there than I suspected 🙂

      Like

  27. jennysserendipity March 6, 2012 at 16:15 #

    My dad would hide and listen to his little radio to prevent from fights with my mother. Anyways, nice story and thanks for liking Pham and Her Gold Fish. 😉

    Like

I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: