Joke 313

31 Jan

If Men Ruled the World…

Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.”

Hallmark would make “Sorry, what was your name again?” cards.

When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she’d appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.

Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the bum and a “Nice hustle, you’ll get ’em next time” would pretty much do it.

Birth control would come in ale or lager.

Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the football team of your choice.

The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

“Sorry I’m late, but I got really drunk last night” would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

Tanks would be easier to rent.

Garbage would take itself out.

Instead of beer belly, you’d get “beer biceps.”

Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, “You’re #1!”

Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

“Cops” would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing cops.

The only show opposite “Monday Night Football” would be “Monday Night Football From A Different Camera Angle.”



9 Responses to “Joke 313”

  1. wheredreamscollide January 31, 2012 at 05:45 #

    Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to “I love you.”

    So true.


  2. musings January 31, 2012 at 07:35 #

    Too funny! I should show this to my husband.


  3. Sarchasm2 January 31, 2012 at 08:36 #

    That’s why there are women. Someone has got to keep their finger on the pulse of reality ….. we can’t multitask 🙂


  4. sanstorm January 31, 2012 at 09:14 #

    Depressing. Dunno if this counts as a joke, Tilly.


  5. Grannymar January 31, 2012 at 11:06 #

    Makes me glad to be out of the ‘man’ world!


  6. Pseu January 31, 2012 at 18:30 #

    … but they do


  7. Nicola January 31, 2012 at 23:14 #

    the box in the screen one is genius


  8. Perfecting Motherhood February 1, 2012 at 06:50 #

    Well, men do rule the world, so how come they haven’t made that happen yet?
    And that cartoon is so true…


  9. evilnymphstuff February 2, 2012 at 16:27 #

    Sexism unfortunately still exists though it’s subtler…


I welcome your comments but be warned: I'm menopausal and as likely to snarl as smile. Wine or Maltesers are an acceptable bribe; or a compliment about my youthful looks and cheery disposition will do in a pinch.

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